Yeah, this is a big problem.
I think that we need a new service in lieu of caller ID…
We need “Caller I.Q.”
That would be great! I can just see myself standing by the phone, saying to myself
“No fuckin’ way am I talkin’ to this moron…”
How about people who have their kids on the Answering Maching message!!! I sit through must’ve been more than one minute of a child (typical gasping between each word) saying, "Hi…this…isMegan…an’…Mom…my…an’…Datty…can’t…tawk…toyou…ri’now…[continuing - and then the child launches into her favorite Bible verse, complete with commentary and a stanza of some religious camp song, rendered totally unrecognizable]. And pressing the * key on this type of machine does not skip the message to the record part, oh no, THAT would be in line with the Geneva Convention.! No, I am subject to this child’s voice everytime I call, which is quite often.
And they change the message every week. Same kid, same message, new Bible verse, possibly the same song (still can’t figure out what it is).
Lexicon I LOVE CALLER IQ!!! Why did no one think of it before? I would install it at work in a heartbeat.
The “Please hold for an important message” tactic has been in use for awhile, at least down here.
But the latest tactic is absolutely infuriating: Calling and asking for someone who they know doesn’t live there, then trying to solicit information. I had somneone try to get the homeowner’s name from me with this manuever.
[Edited by Lynn Bodoni on 09-07-2000 at 02:01 PM]
Sealemon, that’s PRECISELY why I don’t answer the phone with “Bodoni (or my married last name, which isn’t Bodoni) residence, Lynn speaking.” I don’t have a name on my answering machine, either, just a phone number. Lynn is my middle name, and our phone is listed under my first name…which is spelled rather oddly. If someone calls and asks for my first name, I know it’s a telemarketer, as I don’t give out my first name.
these telemarketers use computer dialing i guess nowadays (i used to be one - sorry - and we called from sheets of paper) and there’s always a telltale delay after i say ‘hello’ and they start their pitch - usually enough time for me to hang up. one started pretty quick the other day so i had to fall back on this gem:
caller: hello, i’m conducting a marketing survey for…
me: hold on, i have to stop you right there.
caller: yes?
me: i’m hanging up.
caller: oh, ok…
me: click.
I also heard rumors about these calls that hook you up to a recording: they can charge you for the time you listen to the message! I am not sure how they do this, but I always hang up the minute I get a machine call. And don’t get me started on people who just hang up when they hear your voice. I get about 50 such calls a day, and my neck hurts because of these jerks! 
[QUOTE]
We need “Caller I.Q.”
[QUOTE]
Ameritech in Chicago offers Privacy Manager in conjunction with Caller ID. It intercepts any Unknown or Private caller id calls with a message. The person is told to say their name. It then rings your phone, tells you the name, and you have the option of accepting, rejecting, or rejecting with a “place me on the do not call list.” If you’re not home, it connects them to your answering machine.
After getting 5-30 telemarketing calls a day, after Privacy Manager they’ve gone to almost zero. Best $5.00 a month I’ve ever spent. Telemarketers don’t bother trying to get through, and the recordings get cut off. The only calls I do get are show the caller id, so I can manually avoid them if I want.
Privacy Manager does confuse the ex-wife a bit, and sometimes our London office calling me in the middle of the night. Those two situations contribute to my enjoyment of the service.
I just hate it when bill collectors call for a member of my household. First, they usually annihilate my last name (it’s not that hard…just sound it out). Then they are very rude when I correct them.
So I offer to take a message for that person. The bill collector says “tell her that Donna called and the # is 1800 blah blah blah.” Ok…and where are you calling from?
“IOWA”
No you freaking idiot…what company do you represent?
“That is a personal matter…”
Then why the fuck do you want me to leave a message for her? AAAUUGGGH!
So now I tell them that her location is a personal matter and that I’m only here to feed the cats. Then I swear loudly and hang up.
Must’ve skipped this post, but I know how you feel. The person who had my phone number before I did must hve skipped out on some bills, because I am always getting calls for her about bounced checks at different Latino grocery stores, not to mention the people leaving messages on my machine IN SPANISH! (I also speak French, but I don’t use it too much here in Florida.)
i hate that i cannot get the bitches to leave any name and the company they allegedly represent!i should tell em i am only here to feed the cats, never mind that i am the daughter of the person you want to talk to!guarantee they will not call you back, if you want to play that! and for the last time we are not going to switch our long distance carrier, because we have better thtings to do than to figure out how to save 3 cents a minute all of them kan kiss my ass!!! and if you do not want me to take a message just say"no thank you" it is not thAT difficult, you flaming retards!!!
Scene: My house, 2:00 AM, my oldest daughter (who sounds exactly like my ex on the phone) has had a tiff with her husband and is sleeping on my couch.
My girlfriend has car trouble on her way home from work and decides to call me. She has never heard my daughters voice on the phone and doesn’t know that my daughter is sleeping over. My daughter answers the phone.
Conversation:
Daughter: Hello.
Girlfriend: Umm…who is this?
Daughter: Well who is THIS, you made the call.
Girlfriend: Never MIND who I am, I called to talk to Keith, is he there?
Daughter: Yes, but he’s in bed. If you want me to wake him up, tell me who you are.
Girlfriend: NEVER MIND, TELL HIM I HOPE HE HAD A NICE NIGHT, FUCK YOU BOTH…click
Yes, life would be a lot simpler if people on both sides identified themselves.
I need Caller IQ! Great idea, Lexicon.
Someone named Maryann has been putting my phone number on her bad checks for weeks now. I’ve gotten at least fifteen calls for her, and many of these people won’t stop when I tell them that she doesn’t live here!!! They start going into how these checks have bounced and how they want to be paid (who takes a check for a 9 haircut anyway?). AAAAAAAAAAAArgh! I can't stand having to explain to them that maybe this isn't the right number because she knew the check would bounce! ^&*@#$% freeloader!
**screech-owl:
Me: Hello, this is <company name>, how can I help you?
Caller: How are you?
[Like you really frippin’ care about my well-being.] **
Why the fuck do people do this? I have had this happen so many times, answering the phone at work. You answer the phone and they say “Hi, how are you?” and pause like they really expect an answer. You don’t know me, so I’m pretty certain you don’t give a shit how I am. If you’re trying to be polite, try telling me why you called instead of wasting my time with small talk–I am working, you know! And I don’t know anyone who appreciates attempts to create false intimacy with strangers.
And having a number someone else used to have…I used to have a pager and had voicemail service, so I would get a page whenever someone left a voice message. I had my name in my greeting, and I would still get pages, sometimes in the middle of the night, from people who were clearly looking for someone else who used to have that number, or they just dialed the number wrong. I once got paged THREE TIMES at 4 AM by some idiot who couldn’t figure out that I wasn’t his fucking drug dealer or whoever the hell he was looking for. Didja think that I put someone else’s name in the greeting just to fuck with ya? Jesus H Keerist, listen to the fucking message and think, gee, I don’t recognize that name, but hey, it’s 4 AM, I think I’ll page her anyway, just in case! Moron.
Now I’m living in a dorm room that used to be occupied by a woman who apparently had a lot of bill collectors after her, so I’ve been getting a lot of calls for her. “Hello, is Wendy there?” “No, she graduated last year.” “Do you know where I can find her?” “Listen, if I knew where to find her, I’d strangle her ass, so, no.”
I have been a happy man since we installed the caller ID box, the number of calls that we get can boggle the mind and we don’t even have teenagers.
A great deal of the time we just let the answering machine take the message so we can call back at our convenience. If I am playing with my kids I am not going to stop what I am doing to talk to whomever is on the phone.
VaHermit- I hope you got things worked out with the GF and had a little talk with your daughter about phone etiquette… this is a funny story now…right?
Me: Good morning, <company name> (please note, telecommunications company)
Them: Hello, I’d like to speak to the person who handles your telecommunications.
Me: <stifle laughter>
It’s like trying to sell office supplies to Staples! 
LOL (and d@mn near passed-out)!!! I know what you mean! I work for a non-profit agency, and people are always calling us to donate money to them. Then when I ask them for money, they get all huffy and tell me in no uncertain terms that “<their company> is a non-profit organization that depends on the good-will and charity of organizations like yours.” Then when I tell them that <my company> is also a non-profit agency, they hang up without another word (usually).
Hee hee! High five, compadre!
[scarcasm]
That’s downright terrible, people asking how you are like that. Next they’ll be telling you to “have a good day” or maybe even to “take care”. I swear, what a sorry state of affairs… people are so insensitive… sniffle
[/scarcasm]
When I ask people that question on the phone, I am most definitely interested in an answer. It’s really in your best interest, expecially when trying to get help from someone on the phone, to understand the frame of mind that that person is in.
For example, if I called you on the phone and asked how you were, I imagine I might get a response that doesn’t exactly resound with good cheer. This tells me that I have an angry person on the other end who isn’t concerned about me or my call but will, in all likelihood, hate me no matter how I act on the phone. I can then feel comfortable being rude to them.
If, on the other hand, I ask how someone is and they respond with something pleasant and relatively friendly (doesn’t have to be gushing with happiness), I will tend to be more pleasant with them on the phone, since I feel that they will respond to kindness.
So, I guess, get angry all you want when people ask how you are - it gives them a pretty good idea of how they will treat you for the rest of the call.
We don’t think it’s adorable, but we do let him answer on occassion, because he needs to learn how to do it.
Well, in the US if you answer the phone with your name, people generally think you’re a business. It’s just not how it works here. Oh, and I don’t answer the phone by saying “Hello??” (excessive punctuation indicates what, urgency? rudeness?) I answer it with a simple “Hello?”
It’s not that I mind someone asking how I am, it’s the fact that I have just spent precious work time waiting for the caller to give the information neede so I can assist the caller. (Who you are and why you are calling.) Note that several of these posts are work-related calls.
I am paid to be professional to all callers, (and would anyway), to respond to all callers with a pleasant voice and attitude. The caller is contacting my company for some sort of inquiry, and as a front line employee, I am essentially the PR person for my company.
Most of the time, if, in the first few seconds of the call, the caller says, “Hi, (name is optional)I have a problem with <situation>”, or “Hello, this is (caller’s name), I need to speak to <co-worker>”, I can immediately direct them to the person or agency that can help, if I cannot help directly. Most of my job is answering calls, and yours is not the only holding at the moment. I have at any one time 4 calls I am assisting at once, and each call is important. The sooner you give me the information, the sooner you can get to the right department and get the situation resolved. Inquiring about my health and personal state of mind, as well as giving me your life story about how long you’ve lived here and how many deer were in your backyard this morning while you were having your morning coffee on the porch is not going to help the heron that just got electrocuted on the transformer (the point of the call), nor is it relevant to the fact that you are calling to speak to <co-worker>.
On the contrary, delaying the reason for the call is only going to put me in a more defensive state as I try to pull teeth and find out why you are calling. [Do you have a general question? Do you have an injured animal? Are you reporting poaching? To whom do you need to speak, and who may I say is calling? Do you want a tour of the facilities? Do you need to borrow a book from our library? Or are you just wanting to talk?]
Remeber you are calling my company for a reason. Tell me who you are and why you are calling. Inquiring about my personal health is not going to give you the information you are seeking; on the contrary, it is going to get a “Fine” with an undertone of: “tell me what you want, I neither have time for nor get paid for chitchatting.”
[This started out as informative, but turning into a rant somehow. How do I get the keyboard to stop emitting sparks?]