I’m sitting on a deck chair. The garage cats are visiting me.
Nice warm morning.
My daughter lets the dogs out there. Bayliss comes and makes a wide circle around the cats to my other side and puts his chin on the arm of the chair. His prompt for ear scritches.
The Chihuahua bandits fall, screech and sorta run down to the yard to search their potty spot.
Chihuahua 1 goes right to a bush he’s fond of.
Chihuahua 2 finds a spot. I note it because its in a open spot. I want to tell the kids to go around and not step in it til it can be bagged.
I’m doing my crossword and not looking up all the time.
I look up and lo’ and behold…Chi 2 does an Gymnastic Olympic level back flip. A scream added to spice it up.
Lands on all fours. He neglected to pose and throw up his arms, tho’. 
Nope, he runs highspeed to the deck. Dives under my chair. Whimpering.
I call my daughter out. She said “oh, shit he got snake bit!” Pulls him out. No bite marks.
I try to describe what I saw. As usual I confound the whole thing, with alarm, communication problems and yes, alarm again.
She looked at me and sez, “Huh?”
I said, “he did a dang back flip while pooping and ran up here. Maybe his anals are hurting” (common issue with these 2)
She’s looking him over. She asked where he had been.
Ohhhhh! I see it. Tiny red bump on his dinky. Hard to see thru his hair. But it raised its ugly countenance for all to see.
He starts licking furiously. I told daughter to go get benadryl cream. She brings back Bactine.
I say Noooooooo! Don’t spray that so close to his privates. He’d do a whole floor routine cause it will burn for days.
Get the cream or ointment. She understood that.
He pooped on a Fire-ant hill.
One, maybe 2 ants took offense. And fought back.
Back flip. Indeed.
)
ants. I thought he was gonna disrobe right in the yard for a few.