Okay, so like this one time, I got in my car so I could drive to the bank, and like, when I was cruisin’ down the road, this BIG-ASSED praying mantis crawled up out of the little recess where the wiper blades sit, and stared at me right through the windshield! And like, I had never seen a mantis before, so I was like AAAAAAAAEEEEOOOOIE!, but then I thought he looked kinda cool.
And then he tried to crawl out, and the wind blew him away.
What’s your story?
This guy, one time, had this dog, and he taught it to smoke. That dog sure smoked.
I have to go. I’m in the middle of a big bike race.
I bent my wookie.
My cat would give me her special face after farting. I swear to you it looked cheesy.
Owww, that’s gotta smart!
::reflexively crosses his legs::
OMG! That rocks! I love a good kith quote
So, there was, like, this kid in my class, and he went to Europe.
And he never came back!
One time… I saw this guy… on the bus… and he had, like, this HUGE booger hanging out of his nose… and it was really disgusting… What a dork!
…at band camp…
One time I thought I saw Stephan Jenkins of Third Eye Blind, but it wasn’t really him. Just a guy who looked like him.
If that’s not MPSIMS nothing is.
flup!
The other day, I was walking to class, and I cut through this little field-let that’s kinda like the median strip only it’s in a parking lot, you know, and you park on each side, and there was grass on this little median strip type thing, and a tree. And I was walking on it, and I stepped almost on this big-ass grasshopper. And I mean this thing was HUGE. It was like six inches long, I swear. Ok, four. But HUGE! And it jumped up onto the hood of this white Honda that was parked nearby, and it GLARED at me. Like, “Yeah, f— you buddy!” And it scared me, because what if that’s like the grasshopper mafia?
Welcome to Utah! Matis are very cool.
This one time, I was standing on the corner after work waiting for my vanpool when I got a really good idea to pretend to moon a guy I work with when he rode past on the bus and then I did it and the next day on a crowded elevator Scott, a deaf guy I know from the building and who just happened to be on the same bus said really loud - “YOU MOON OUR BUS!!! HA HA HA YOU MOON OUR BUS YESTERDAY WITH YOUR BUTT!!! HA HA HA” and then I tried to say that I only pretended to moon the bus but he kept talking really loud so I couldn’t and then we got to my floor and I had to get off and now everyone on the elevator thinks I moon buses afterwork.
:::whew:::
Lunch today was lame, like I had yogurt with blackberries, you know the kind with the blackberries on the bottom that you have to stir and then you eat it and you end up with seeds in you teeth and you have to floss afterwards and even THEN you worry about if you got them all or if you will have to go to the dentist cause you got a cavity or bad gums like that would really be bad. But I think I got them all.
(I think my brain is burning from that)
… I peed on the kitchen table by mistake.
Boy was my mom mad.
One time in Boy Scouts, I had to take a twenty mile hike. Maybe it was only 15 miles, but still, it was real long. Me and two other guys left camp in the morning, right after breakfast. We had a pack of smokes and a fifth of apple brandy each. Only I had Amaretto. Anyway, we hiked and smoked and drank all day. When we were almost back to camp, I sat down against a log, just to rest for a minute, and I passed out. When I woke up, I puked. I still got the merit badge.
-Rue (Don’t smoke or drink. It’s bad for you.)
One time I tried to clean my room. But I didn’t really clean it - I just moved stuff from the floor to my bed to the table to the shelf to the bed again.
I slept in my sister’s room that night.
Damn you Funky McDuck!!!
I wanted to use that, a little over used sometimes but I think that phrase will turn into a classic.
Double damn you Funky!
You know, I can’t watch Buffy the way I used to as every time I see Willow (Alyson Hannigan) I keep hearing “This one time, at band camp…”
It has become a classic around here already.