My mom doesn’t have long distance so I am the one who has to call. 
I had a shitty dad so when he died, I wasn’t phased. I lost my mom in February and would kill to have one last conversation with her. You couldn’t have said it any better.
One thing I’d tell anyone reading this that had a good mom who is still alive – RECORD HER VOICE!
My Dad did this too. I mean, he was a shitty Dad, a misery memoir type of Dad, but if he’d called every so often I would still have talked to him. The breaking point was when he complained that I hadn’t called about his birthday (66 or something, not a groundbreaking birthday with a big party) but he hadn’t mentioned my own birthday since I was a small child. He has no idea of my decade of birth, let alone my birthday , and hasn’t ever since I passed puberty.
He called me, I called him, then he just never called me back, for about 7 years.
But the thing is, he’s a messed-up kind of parent, so not the kind I’d mention in a thread about do you call your parents, but my step-Mum, who seems to be a pretty good Mum to my younger brother, is just the same.
My Dad has actually asked this on the last three occasions we had contact. A bit, anyway - he was surprised that I have a degree, and that was 14 years ago, and I’ve had postgrads since then.
I get the impression he’s not really taking a lot in, because he’s slowly dying, which is maybe one of the reasons he’s asking, too: he’s trying to make up for lost time.
But again, I still find it odd that my stepmum doesn’t care enough to prompt him or ask herself. She’s been my stepmum since I was 10 years old, but she’s always been a polite stranger. I was always an unwanted guest in her house rather than her husband’s child. I actually find that harder to understand than being abusive.
Not exactly the same thing, but… Several years ago, when my wife and I finally disconnected our land line and instructed everybody to call our cell phones exclusively, her grandmother (mid-80s at the time; 94 and kickin’ now!) stopped calling altogether. Her reason?
“I don’t know how to work those cell phones.”
Um, Grandma, you don’t have to do anything differently. Just dial the new number.
“Oh, but technology is easier for you young people. I can never figure that stuff out.”
(after several variations of the above…) * Sigh * OK, Grandma, we’ll call you instead.
She does call my wife once in a while now, but it took a long time. I think she might have forgotten that she’s not calling a “regular” phone.
This.
My mother died a couple of months ago. She used to call me every now and then and now I wish that I had called her more often than I did.
She does have a cellphone, but she does not hear it going off. She does not respond to email because she can’t be arsed check it unless we tell her she has email. She does not respond to texts because she does not hear the phone’s “you’ve got a message” or remember to check for them.
Both her and her best friend have hearing that’s “good for their age” (71). The friend got a hearing aid and is in 7th heaven; she claimed that she didn’t want to end up like her mother, grandmother and great-aunt, all of which would complain constantly about “these young mumblers”. Mom didn’t on account of “hearing aids are for old people!” (uh, Mom, you’ve been getting senior discounts for 11 years now), and I can’t be in a room in which she’s watching TV because my ears hurt: please explain to me why would having the amplifier in her ears instead of the TV set, when she’s the one who needs an amplifier, be unacceptable. Or rather, why should I go deaf because SHE is.
My Mom just called me again, only to say, “why haven’t you called me”. This is so frustrating! I hate to be upset with her. I really have to hold it in. If you ever find out why this is, let me know.
And eat worms…
I was lucky that my parents were wonderful.
When they got old, I invited them to come and live near me.
I’m an orphan now, but I have great memories.
The jokey bit…
A man calls his mother:
-
“Mom, how are you?”
-
“Not too good - I’ve been very weak.”
-
“Why are you so weak?”
-
“Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.”
-
“That’s terrible! Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?”
-
“Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”
I have had that exact same problem with my grandparents over the years. Dirt cheap long distance has been the norm for most of my life and especially these days with unlimited cell phone plans and cable phone and the like. Even a decade ago I still had unlimited minutes nights and weekends on the cell phone. The last time I had to worry about the cost of long distance was making international calls and it was still pretty cheap.
I think it’s one of those generational things. A holdover from when long-distance was extremely expensive, operator assisted, and only used for extremely significant events.
I call once in a great while. I get lots of complaints that I don’t call. We talk at least once a week. I answer this complaint with “the phone works in both directions.” I don’t get flak for that because she still talks to me (and I call her) more often than my brother or sister. But seriously, if I wanted to talk to her more often, I’d call her more often. And I tell her to do the same.
My mom does not initiate contact with me. I call her, text her, I imessage her & share photos! I even send a card or note every now & then. I fly out & visit once a year. And I don’t mind at all calling. When I do, she politely answers & we chat a good while. What I do mind is that she makes no effort on her part to reciprocate. She doesn’t ring my phone. She doesn’t let me know she’s thinking of me too. You know the saying, “a little kindness goes a long way.”
When it comes to the relationship I’m the one reaching out. The old Bell commercial had it! " Reach out, reach and touch someone. Reach out, call up and just say hi." It goes both ways.
Whenever your Mom starts in, with a brightly smiling voice say, “What I’m hearing is you love me oodles and miss me tons!”
This small thing will change your attitude to this, almost instantly.
Because, in fact, that’s what she thinks she’s communicating. Cut her some slack, she just loves you like you’re her baby is all!
I tell my Mom that the phone works in both directions. She seems to understand. That and I will actually talk to her, while my brother and sister avoid it.
I used to rarely talk to my grandparents on the phone. They live several states away, and I would call them sporadically, but months could go between calls. Then, my grandfather took a turn for the worse. Numerous surgeries left him dependent and not very mobile, and he just seemed to start to “give up.” His job (and associated activities, contacts, and events) was always his #1 priority and even after he retired, he found ways to be involved with various aspects of the field.
A few years ago, he received the last honor / award that he anticipated to receive, non-posthumously. That, combined with the loss of a great deal of his independence left him a shell of a man. I remember calling him once, and in a very weak voice, he repeatedly called me the wrong name, and didn’t remember where I lived (asking if I was going to come down the street to visit for dinner).
After that, I made a point of making a weekly call, even if there is little to discuss. I will say that since then, I’ve noticed a definite uptick in his lucidity, and he might tell me the same story now and then, but it’s understandable. I usually call after work on Fridays and got caught up one week and didn’t make the call until Saturday. I joked with them that they could have called me, but my grandmother was insistent that she didn’t want to bother me and my “busy social life,” despite my less-than-thrilling recaps of my weekend activities (met friends for brunch, we hung out and watched tv, played games and drank, lather, rinse, repeat). Outside of my birthday, I can’t remember the last time they’ve called me.
My father, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. I know I will receive a call from him every Saturday as he goes and runs errands. We’ll talk throughout the week, but the “incoming to outgoing” ratio of calls between the two of us is much more balanced.