Why do many women like men who can/will dance?

In My Humble Opinion
61

I did find one that’s cheaper, $78 for 6 weeks. And it’s a real dance studio, not an adult ed thing. And I’ve had it with the adult ed thing anyway. You can’t register on line, because the page is down. You can’t call in, unless you want the “At the sound of the tone, leave your credit card number.” No thanks. If they can’t get registration right, I don’t expect them to get the class right.

I did think of another fun dance story, though. When I was in high school, I was in the school play. It was The Sound of Music. There were kids in it. One kid in particular was really talented. He could sing, dance, and act like you wouldn’t believe. A few years later, he was taking dance with the sister of a musician friend of mine. My mother was also in the class. When they gave a recital, he really cut a rug. I never found out what became of him.

Until a couple of years ago, that is. He went onstage as Nathan Lane’s understudy in The Producers.

62

I like a guy who has rhythm and is not afraid to show it with his body. Subconsciously it probably has something to do with sex. But I think it also indicates a personality that doesn’t take itself too seriously and can let go every once in a while.

If a guy can’t dance, I’d prefer that he not do it. Unless he’s just doing it to make fun of himself…then that’s cool because that tells me he is not only self-aware but also is working his disability to his advantage by getting laughs out of it. But in all other situations bad dancing is unattractive, and I don’t give points for effort.

63

When I lived in Colombia, it was requisite to dance salsa, merengue, cumbia, and vallenato. I came back to LA and found few women who could do these dances. Mexican women have a way of doing pop cumbia, but it’s not how to dance traditional cumbia. It’s really frustrating.

I want dance, but you have to know how to dance. I’m tired of leading with an iron hand.

I will and can dance, if you will and can too.

64

Thank OG that you gave us the third choice, because it’s closer to why I took salsa.

I’ve always been a bad dancer. Grew up in the 70s and my arms, legs, elbows and knees never could get in sync. Sure, I could do the slow dances, because I could avoid my partner’s feet, but fast dances were terrifying. I was always embarrassed and extremely selfconscious. Worse, my friends in college were Latinos, and so damn good, it just made me give up.

Fast forward many, many years, and after I was separated from my last wife, I set out to find a new partner. (OK, quite a few new partners, but that was just a phase) and I took salsa lessons.

It completely changed me. I got the confidence on the floor, and helped me get a better sense of movement. Salsa is flirting by dance, and is sexy as hell. You learn how to guide a woman, which made slow dancing a entirely different experience.

Sorry, you lost my sympathy at this point. Telling your mother that he’s an asshole regarding dancing is not going to help convince him to dance with you next time.

Bolding mine.

And it’s still not worth learning how to fake a few moves?

I’m a terrible singer. Atrocious. I’m tone deaf and all over the place, but living in the country of karaoke, you have to go singing sometimes. And talk about sticking out like a sore thumb, being the only white face in a crowd.

So I’ve learned a few songs. They’re not great, but people don’t care. I’ll let everyone take several rounds without me, then when I get bugged about it, I’ll sing one and let them take several more rounds. I would rather be home scrubbing the toilet than singing, but it’s part of getting along.

If you’re girlfriend insisted on dancing every weekend, then you get the “no I don’t dance” routine out, but if it’s at a couple of weddings a year, then you suck up and learn how to fake it.

65

Right. Letting each person do what s/he is able and comfortable with should be the baseline. I have no right to demand or expect that someone else experience discomfort for my sake.

Now, you can seek to work from that baseline, and if you (the Generic You, I mean) react very positively to a person willing to step out of his comfort zone, then that’s great. But don’t pester the person who is doing fine in his comfort zone and has no intent to stir; just move on and find the more spontaneous person!

And if you (another Generic You) are willing to grit your teeth and bear the awkwardess for the other person’s sake because you care about how they feel about it, then applause to you. But it had better be 100% free choice on your part, and not that you think it’s a “rule of the game” you cannot escape.

If someone actively dislikes or is uneasy or incompetent in a certain activity, or is unwilling or unable to step out of the comfort zone, then that person has every right to remain undisturbed; but for goodness’ sake he should accept that this means that people who DO enjoy and appreciate it will be at least disappointed and count it as a strike, and he’d better bring in extra compensating virtues.

Otherwise start meeting people who don’t like to dance, and problem solved!

Myself, I have been known to get to dance… ***very, very * ** ocassionally (and usually after some considerable prior marinating :stuck_out_tongue: ) to the point it’s still remark-worthy the day after; but people who know me know what to expect of me, and it’s not boogeing down (and those for whose opinion I care about are OK with that). I’ve been fortunate in that many of the parties or weddings I’ve been invited to have been configured in such a way that there can be a gathering to the side, away from the dancing, to continue talking.

Of course, it should go w/o saying that I don’t do “clubbing”… but that’s just because being in a place where I’m supposed to be interacting with others but cannot carry out a conversation in a normal voice, unsettles me.

66

So, dancers:

What’s the best style of dance for a clueless Anglo white boy to start learning? Assuming he wants to improve coordination and social skills, that is.

(And does any of it involve electronic music?)

67

I guess the part that irks me is that my father’s generation (he was born in '28) dances. It was no biggie. You danced just like you made small talk or shook hands. It was a baseline social skill. Ask my dad, and he’ll tell you he’s no great shakes as a dancer but there’s nothing like getting close to a woman under the guise of social contact. My older half-brother? He can and does dance. My two full brothers? I think they’d rather chew off their own limbs than have to dance.

I can understand the reluctance for non-couple dancing. Unless it’s line dancing, there is no footwork to learn and fall back on. You have to pull something out of your ass and go with it. But slow dancing? It’s just not that hard. And you get to be snuggly with someone. And pretend you’re in a seriously cool period movie. And trade quips and flirts.

I’ve never pressed a guy to dance. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been on a date with a man who was willing to dance. I’d be more than willing to take up something I’d never done before in exchange. It’s just so disappointing to have an opportunity to do something that’s fun, intimate, sweet, and romantic, and your partner has an absolute aversion to it. :sad:

68

I married Mr. Woodhouse because he asked me to dance. (ok, so there’s more to the story, but that’s how we started.)

I think that people in general don’t dance as much as they used to because there’s no set steps anymore. You can’t say, “oh, that’s a waltz” or “this is good for a foxtrot” and just go for it. Well, you could, but no one does. Modern dances are mostly just moving your limbs in ways that feel good and somewhat fit the song. It’s harder to do that right than it is to do a basic waltz step.

69

Watch my foot tappin’. Perfectly on beat. If I really get rolling, I might snap my fingers or drum on a tabletop.

Dance? No. Period. End of story.

70

Club dancing is swaying and stepping to a rhythm - and important skill, but not one that you need to learn - other than being able to pick up the basic beat.

A basic ballroom class through community ed - what is being discussed above, will give you the necessary social dances.

If you live in Wisconsin or much of Minnesota, you should polka.

Waltzing is the baseline social skill, but not a lot of use for it.

But basic, if you don’t want a general overview and want something fun -

Salsa is very sexy or swing is basic fun partner dance stuff - and can be modified to anything that you are likely to run into at your basic white guy wedding that isn’t jumping up and down and yelling “SHOUT!” If I had to pick one, I’d pick swing. There are a lot of swing clubs in the U.S. - most major cities have at least one, and male dancers are always in demand.

71

Plus swing (or at least lindy hop, west coast swing is an entirely different culture) attracts a lot of people who would be very comfortable here on the SDMB - smart, geeky, odd sense of humour, etc. From my understanding, there’s a decent lindy scene in Toronto, if you want to check it out, Sunspace. Of course, with any dance, a big thing to keep in mind is whether you like the music. It doesn’t necessarily have to be your favourite genre, but you have to be able to at least enjoy listening to it if you’re going to spend all evening dancing to it. For example, I’m sure that polka’s fun and all that, but the music would drive me round the bend in no time flat.

As for the original question of the thread, I like a guy who can dance, or is at least willing to try, because it’s something fun (or sexy) to do together, and it shows that he doesn’t take himself too seriously/is willing to try new things.

72

I can’t possibly be the only one who wants to dance only when he’s too drunk to dance.

73

Meh. I don’t care much, as a straight female. I guess different things are different priorities for different people. In different relationships.

Now, give me a guy who’s able (and willing) to give a good spanking. Rowr!

74

I don’t know about “many” women, all I can give you is my opinion.

I like dancing. On my own or in a group, but the point at which having a guy who likes to dance becomes important is for couples dancing. Doing the chicken dance or a sardana is equally enjoyable whether the group is 12 gals, 12 guys or anything in between - for a merengue, I’d like someone of the opposite sex. It simplifies things, you see. If I’m dancing a couples’ dance with another woman, we spend several seconds simply figuring out what arm goes where and who leads. If I’m with a guy, I know where my arms go, where his arms go, and that it’s him who leads.

So having available a guy who likes to do couples’ dancing and whose style is compatible with mine can be a source of great joy.

A guy who dances on his own? Well, here I get picky. Any guy who feels the need to grab his balls while dancing (in order to make sure they don’t run away on him, maybe?) gets a -10 in a 0-10 scale. I don’t care how good he looks or how well he moves, your hand isn’t supposed to spend the whole song there. But even if he moves like shit, so long as he doesn’t overdo it (I don’t care if you’re a pro ballet dancer, if you’re in a disco-bar you’re not supposed to be grabbing small women by their waist and raising them up in the air while they do a split) or grab his balls, it tells me he has enough confidence to do something most guys don’t dare do and enough sense of rythm to want to do it.

Guys who do traditional dances? Well, if you like dudes with good legs, you can’t go wrong with an ezpata (lit. sword, they do a dance called “ezpatadantza” or dance of the sword) :stuck_out_tongue: HUUUUBBBA! Ehr, excuse me, what was I saying? Oh yes. They usually have an interest for history (which I share), as well as being able to, again, get out and do something most guys don’t dare. In public. With several hundred people watching. That requires some cojones as well as a lot of hours of training.

75

Too late to edit: I’ve never pestered a bf to take me dancing, or to take up dancing for me. Found it quite selfish when friends of mine would, really. So long as he’s not going to make a ruckus if you ever dance with another (well-behaved!) guy, you shouldn’t force him to do something he doesn’t fancy and which is not vitally necessary, any more that you’d want to be forced into learning every soccer result for every single country in Europe and the Americas and the last 100 years.

If a friend likes to dance, great! If we’re compatible, remegagreat! If he doesn’t like it, or we’re not a good match, oh well, it’s not something I’m going to need kleenex for.

76

I haven’t signed up for anything yet, and I’m kind of glad. I need to pull three masterpiece paintings out of my ass within about a month, and that’s going to take up about 110% of my free time.

But while I despise dancing, I want to give it a chance. By late November, I want to be cutting a rug.

So, let me ask you YHO. If you were an uncoordinated middle aged man with a decent sense of rhythm (Hey, I’m a conductor, hell yeah I know how to find the beat), and you wanted to a) learn a learnable but alien skill, and b) expand your social circle, and c) spend neither a huge amount of time or money on it, then what would you do? Swing? Ballroom? Salsa? Picante? Clubbing?

77

I hate dancing, free or formal. Free dancing just feels pointless to me and looks stupid on just about everyone who isn’t highy skilled or trained (or a hottie in a tight dress). Formal dancing is completely scripted and pedantic, and is all the fun of following 1040 form instructions set to music.

My wife is one of those “judges people by whether they are willing to dance or not” types, so I grit my teeth and dance the couple of times a year we are at a wedding or clubby place. No biggee, and I have no hang-ups about it, a small sacrifice for marriage I guess.

78

Not picking on you specifically, but your statement in general. This implied assumption is what bothers me about dancing preferences, especially of women toward men–that dancing implies confidence while not-dancing implies the lack thereof, that there is a personal qualitative judgement associated with the activity.

For most non-dancers, it has zero to do with confidence. It has everything to do with a simple dislike or apathy of the activity. I snowboard, pilot, give public speeches and presentations, etc. I love new challenges, risks, and learning experiences. I don’t friggin’ dance because I’ve already been there, done that, and been bored with it. It is formally checked off of my list of hobbies and experiences that fulfill me. I don’t prejudge you and imply that you are shy and lacking in confidence because you don’t find enjoyment in my specific hobbies, so don’t do the same to me.

Sort of a rant, but it irks me.

(edit for wonky grammar).

79

I’d go for swing - if it is at all appealing to you. I think its the most versatile. Lindy as was recommended if you get a choice. But West Coast Swing is fun.

(The partner dancing I do is something I learned from my Dad and is probably best described as a modified Lindy).

But what is appealing to you? Do you imagine yourself in a hot Latin Salsa? A romantic waltz? What music makes you want to move?

80

Not country, certainly.

I like waltzes. I can dig some Latin beats a little.

Maybe I should take up air guitar to 70s rock.