I’m going to second/third Max Carnage and t-keela on the Charmin with Aloe.
Once you switch, you’ll never go back to “dry” tissue. But be warned, do not run out. Using the plain stuff now is like tearing yourself a new asshole.
Uh…how 'bout just making sure the bathorom sink is within armrs reach of the “throne”?
(As in, a few drops of warm water go a long way, know what I mean?)
Sometimes hard for either sex to reach around if you have a fat ass.
Maybe it also has to do with the fact that most folks in the US take baths/showers every day if not twice a day (we’re not in great debates so I aint citin’ nuthin’). What about other places? Have they jumped on the bathing bandwagon?
I’m scared!! I’m a younger counerpart and very worried about future unknown conditions that are going to require a bidet 
I use the cottonelle wipie thingies. I’ll be honest, I only use half a sheet every time. I take a little wad of tp and then I wrap 1/2 a sheet of cottonelle wipie thingie around it. I have some Masingil intimate wipes that are individually wrapped that I keep in my purse but I rarely have to do a number two anywhere but home. The masingil ones are very wet though and make me feel slimy so I dry with tp.
Alternately I wag my bum under the hand drier.
Incubus, just a thought: Have you looked into Laser Hair Removal? The laser hair removal place I go to includes a price for zapping the anal area on their price list, so I’m sure you’re not the only one, and they’ve probably seen people with more butt hair than you before.
They say it works best for people with brown or black hair and pale skin, but the place I went to said there is a dye being developed that will help people with light-colored hair get lasered effectively too.
It is a little pricey, but it sounds like it might be worth saving up for it if you’re having so much trouble.
Thanks to PCOS, I had developed annoying/embarrassing peach fuzz on my face. I’ve only had one treatment so far, but it seems to have really cut down on the hair problem.
Ok…unravel (appropriately named) bings up a point I’ve never even thought of. Who wipes from the back? I’ve never heard of that practice before. I mean when I’m sitting there ready to commenc with paperwork, there’s an opening right there. Easy access to the area that needs attention. It’s not like I’m smearing it around like fingerpaints, for goodness sakes, so I’m not afraid of getting it on my meat and two veggies.
In half the country (US) you can buy premoistened toilet paper. There wasn’t a big market for this experimental idea.
"P&G’s premoistened toilet paper off to soggy start
Sales for new premoistened toilet paper products launched by Procter & Gamble Co. and Kimberly-Clark Corp. are not meeting expectations, according to market research. "
http://www.bizjournals.com/cincinnati/stories/2001/10/22/daily28.html
Sales are down the crapper, eh?
I wipe from the front (and I am a man) – I’ve always tried to hide this fact due to some long-ago perception that it was “wrong.”
Any other front-wiping guys out there?
I am now considering changing my SDMB userid.
Thanks a lot, guys.
I’m too cheap to buy pre-moistened stuff. First I wipe with dry tp and if I feel the need I layer two Kleenexes, fold them in fourths and dampen them with either Listerine or rubbing alcohol. Then I dry off with regular tissue. Presto! I’m cleaned and sanitized! And the Kleenex is strong enough to do the job.