Why Do People Use DRY Tissue To Wipe Themselves?

[bare]

I’ve used a portable bidet for a couple years now and I’ll never go back. It is nothing more than a small wand that you can direct to the proper location and hooks to any sink or faucet. Nothing like letting that water lick you clean.

::Ban Skidmarks Forever::

[AncientHumanoid]

This thread reminds me of some of our Star Trek threads…

What to do about the Klingons around Uranus.
UPN, Wednesdays, right after some other show…

[Stoid]

I used baby wipes for years, now I use the cottonelle stuff. And I use dry first.

[Walloon]

From the official Huggies website:

Q. Can Huggies® Baby Wipes be flushed?

A. We do not recommend that our baby wipes be flushed. Instead, we recommend that you discard them in a trash bag or other waste container.

[Mudshark]

I don’t want anything licking my ass clean.

[handy]

“The best thing since sliced bread.”

Do tell, don’t hold back, how to use sliced bread.

[AncientHumanoid]

Ever have “Shit on a Shingle” ?
Yummy

[lel]

I can’t use those baby wipes or anything wet. Does it give anyone else the distinctly uncomfortable feeling when using baby wipes/other wet products and they then replace their clothing that well, they might be somehow leaking? I’ve tried using baby wipes, and I keep getting this feeling that although I know better, it feels like something is just leaking out.

[Walloon]

Use dry toilet paper after the baby wipes, lel. If all else fails, use a blow dryer.

[lel]

I’m not sure I’m into using a three part procedure to, well, wipe my rear. First the baby wipes, then the dry paper, then the blow dryer? That just sounds like too much of an ordeal for someone who likes my asswiping simple.

I wonder if there’s some sort of quick-dry wet wipes.

[Briny_Deep]

If anyone didn’t click X~Slayer’s link, I have reproduced my favorite bits from that hilarious website. I think I want to meet the person who penned these priceless gems of ad copy:

No doubt you have mourned the endless spools of toilet paper that you have wasted, wishing that you could spend the money on something more enjoyable.

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Then there is the vexing problem of hemorrhoids. If you are one of the many unfortunate people who has been unsolicitedly visited by them, you are undoubtedly aware of the need for a speedy cure.

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The convenience of having two nozzles allows you to choose which method of becoming unsullied after a good night’s sleep you wish to use.

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At this point, we would like to draw the attention women who are more mature, experiencing menopause and other conditions unknown to their younger counterparts.

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All of us know that there are some problems which the male gender cannot fully comprehend. The IntiMist bidet is extremely well-suited for dealing with these uniquely feminine problems.

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Have you ever dreaded stalking into the bathroom, knowing that what awaits you is a seat unmercifully chilled by frosty air? IntiMist’s warm seat always welcomes, and is good for people who are experiencing constipation or who are concerned with other problems; in other words, IntiMist is for people who have neither the time nor patience to worry about whether or not their comfort should be followed by a question mark.

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It is good etiquette, naturally, to thoroughly wash oneself before leaving home. Good etiquette means that just because others cannot see under your clothes, you still leave no part of your body neglected. This is what we mean by ultimate etiqutte. You will not qualify, however, if you cut corners. In fact, we think you’ll agree that self-confidence is extraordinarily boosted when all parts of you are clean, even those that are hidden from the penetrating view of others.

[Briny_Deep]

Lel: try alcohol-soaked computer screen wipes. They perk you right up!

[lel]

*Originally posted by masonite *
**Lel: try alcohol-soaked computer screen wipes. They perk you right up! **

Not only do I not wish to have a very complex bathroom routine, I also wish not to incur unnecessary proctologist visits.

I wonder if there is a market niche for quick-dry bathroom wipes.

[Briny_Deep]

I never thought I’d be having a conversation about buttwiping with you, lel. I think we’re beginning to open up to each other!

[Dr_Paprika]

So I’ve been doing all this hemmorrhoid solicitation for nothing?

I just can’t get excited about using anything that is “pre-moistened”. It’s like they were thoughtful enough to hork on my toilet paper in the factory.

[Sublight]

You may laugh, masonite, but those things work beautifully. I only need one or two pieces of paper now, just to dry off and check that I’m clean. No chafing, no smearing.

[Incubus]

*Originally posted by Walloon *
**Use dry toilet paper after the baby wipes, lel. If all else fails, use a blow dryer. **

See now this is getting way too complicated. Frankly, I think the best solution would be some sort of disposable contraption you could attach to a power drill…

[unravel]

i felt a bit urked when i was asked “do you wipe from behind or from the front?” wtf??? common sense, if yer a guy you do it from behind, so nothing gets on my testes…girls should do the same to avoid UTI’s. but then again, if im using babywipes, could i just use that same babywipe to clean off my testes? gawd im soo confused…

[X_Slayer_ALE]

I have the ultimate answer to Why Do People Use DRY Tissue To Wipe Themselves?

because its really hard getting sheets off a WET toilet paper roll …?

[Munch]

*Originally posted by Surreal *
**Think about it. If you spilled some peanut butter on your floor and you had to clean it up, would you reach for a dry paper towel? I don’t think most people would, as rubbing it with a dry paper towel would just smear it around without actually getting the surface clean.

I suggest that a dry paper towel is the single most effective way of cleaning up that peanut butter. A wet paper towel would smear it around. A dry one would have the friction necessary to cling to the PB.

Same logic applies to my ass.