Why do some girls have this strange attitude about weight?

[elfkin477]

@Maggie_the_Ocelot

Part of it - and I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - is that girls are taught that it is, on some level, wrong to be happy with your body. If you like the way you look, you’re considered (by other girls) snobby, or someone who “thinks she’s so great”.

I think this bears repeating. I did some calculations recently, and figured out that I’m almost 7% overweight if you go by BMI. I thought about that, and how losing ten pounds would change that back to 0% without any excuses like the fact that I’m fitter than average etc. But then what? Until my mid to late twenties I weighed just what I ought to have going by BMI. Was I happy then? Nope, because then I wasn’t as toned and probably had an even higher % of body fat than I do now…

Being a girl or woman always allows for the possibility for finding something about your body to be unhappy about.

[Cat_Fight]

@MsWhatsit

I’ll admit that it hadn’t really occurred to me before this thread that one of the reasons I’ve always had the vague idea that most women experience some level of self-hatred is that we are socialized not to talk about ourselves in a positive way. That is really interesting to me. Especially when I think about the fact that I have a 7-year-old daughter, and I can see it in action; like, my mom recently complimented MiniWhatsit on her cute haircut, and MiniWhatsit said, “Thanks! It is really cute!” My mom kind of laughed and said, “Heh, kids.” Which isn’t an overt “Ooh, you shouldn’t have said that” reaction, but even a 7-year-old can pick up on that tone of, “Oh, I wasn’t supposed to just agree.” When someone compliments you on your appearance, you can thank them for the compliment, or you can discuss yourself in a self-deprecating way (“Oh, I have no idea why my hair looks good today; usually it’s a wreck”), but you cannot simply agree. Why, that’s bragging!

I am going to think about this.

It’s been floated as one of the reasons some women lag when it comes to promotions and raises. They’re not as used to talking themselves up (and when they do, we perceive them as ‘stuck up’ or similar, because it’s so rare).

[SecretaryofEvil]

@athelas

Praising other people’s curviness - if it is believed - would encourage other women to gain weight, increasing her relative skinniness and presumably attractiveness.

Believing that she herself is fat would cause herself to lose weight, increasing her relatively skinniness and presumably attractiveness.

Not saying this is the whole story, and even if true this dynamic would not operate at the conscious level (so “I personally don’t think that way!” is the wrong retort for two reasons). Add in the fact that women need to be more agreeable than men to avoid being called bitchy (and hence will praise almost any appearance - in public) and there we go.

This is correct. Girls who do this are trying to lower the standard. They think they are fat, so they both want to lose weight, and imply that being fat is a positive thing.

I will also throw in that some people, myself included, prefer some T&A, and that some ultra skinny fashion model types do have bodies that resemble 10 year old boys, and that while those body types may be what works for showing off clothing, it’s not what they, or I, would consider the sexiest body type for a woman.

[Indygrrl]

I think most women look in the mirror and think they look far worse than they actually do. They analyze and critique every perceived flaw until their self-esteem, at least looks-wise, is gone. I’ve seen beautiful women do this, as well as average ones.
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And we talk about wanting better body confidence, but if one should say, “Damn, my ass looks amazing,” there would no doubt be friends of hers thinking, “ohh, well, isn’t she full of herself.” You can’t win.
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I’m involved in an online community of sex workers and sure, some bitch about what they don’t like, but most of us happily state what we like, and we share pics in which we admit to thinking we look gooooood. It’s a nice cpmmunity to have, because I’ve yet to find any other group of women who would be supportive of such brazen self-confidence. And that’s too bad, because it is very empowering as well as freeing.

[phantom_lamb]

@SecretaryofEvil

This is correct. Girls who do this are trying to lower the standard. They think they are fat, so they both want to lose weight, and imply that being fat is a positive thing.

This sounds plausible. Although I don’t think it’s conscious at all.

I rarely complain about my body but when I do it is completely honest. I never complain about a body part that I know looks good (fishing for compliments). I know a few girls who do though, and it’s just silly. Like, they look amazing by any standards and then complain about a body part that looks perfect - it just seems so insincere and you can even tell they don’t really mean it. “Ugh I have such huge boobs” “Ugh my nose is sooo straight” “Ughggh my legs are just too long”… yeah, I totally sympathize with your misery

[overlyverbose]

Many women are extremely insecure and overly critical of themselves. Tearing down other women makes them feel better. At least that’s what I felt when I used to do it. Then I became much more comfortable in my skin. My body has done some pretty amazing things - it’s helped me run three marathons, give birth to two children, climb mountains, dive off waterfalls, etc. No reason not to love it.

As an added bonus, the men I’ve dated and the man I eventually married presumably weren’t with me because they wanted me to look like someone else.

Also, a “curvy” celebrity is not the same as a curvy non-celebrity. I read somewhere that a curvy celebrity is probably a size 6 (if I recall correctly, the average is a size 2, sometimes smaller). A curvy woman who’s not a celebrity is probably a size 12 or 14. That’s a huge difference.

[SciFiSam]

@Maggie_the_Ocelot

Yeah. I remember when I realized this - it was in 7th grade, in an all-girls gym class, and everyone was getting their school pictures back. All the girls were comparing pictures and complaining about how horrible they look, and one girl was “Wow, that’s a good picture! I like it!” (about her own photo). And I remember being absolutely shocked that she would admit that she liked her picture - you weren’t supposed to do that! Then, I was surprised that I was shocked, and I started thinking about it.

There’s a scene in Mean Girls that addresses this, too - I’ve seen it on youtube but can’t access that site from work so I can’t link to it.

I was thinking of that scene too. Lyndsay Lohan is at the Queen Bee’s house with two other girls, and they’re all standing in front the mirror comparing their bodies. Each of the currently popular girls complains about some part of their body, the others reassure them, and then, when La Lohan says nothing, they all turn and stare at her pointedly until she says something like ‘I hate my elbows.’

It’s a ritual. Thing is, even if the girls don’t believe it at first, saying it repeatedly can make them start to believe it.