Of course there’s something to grieve. A lost opportunity; the failure of a dream; the knowledge that your line ends when you die.
Grief is not exclusively sadness over a death.
I’ve never heard of that.
The desire to nurture offspring should be distinguished from the desire to have offspring. Sure, if they see a young animal they might feel maternal feelings, even if it’s not their own offspring. They might be upset about not being able to mate, or seeing their offspring harmed. But that doesn’t mean that an infertile animal is upset about not being able to reproduce.
You just did. Grieving is something you do when someone dies, not when you just can’t get something you want.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/grief
That word does not mean what you think it means.
This is not grief. This is not loss. This is just not getting something you want.
Grief is mental anguish over a loss. Not getting something you want is not losing anything. Believing that perpetuating your “line” is important is pure self-absorbtion.
ETA, even your own definition agrees with me. “Grief” is defined by LOSS. You can’t lose something that never existed.
I wonder what that looks like…
I said that I grieved over my own infertility. Whether or not you think that is worth grieving over is immaterial to my grief, which was and is real. Grief happens over more than literal death. Grief is a response to loss – of people, of opportunities, of ideas, of property. Not all grief is the same, nor should it be. The way I grieved over my father’s death is different than how I will grieve for my mother.
I did not say that my grief was the same as it would be for someone who lost a child.
Did you read anything but the first definition?
•grieving - bereaved: sorrowful through loss or deprivation; “bereft of hope”
•Pain of mind on account of something in the past; mental suffering arising from any cause, as misfortune, loss of friends, misconduct of one’s self or others, etc. …
•intense emotional suffering caused by loss, disaster, misfortune, etc; extreme sorrow; deep sadness
Oh, bullshit. Words can have more than one meaning.
Here are the results for a Google search of the phrase “I am grieved by.”
Here are the results for “She was grieved by.”
Here are the results for “He is grieved by.”
Here are the results for “We are grieved by.”
Just a cursory examinination of the phrases that come up will show that the sense “feeling sadness because of a death” is not the only one used.
And here is the Oxford English dictionary definition:
<snerk>
And with that, I’m all done with you.
None of this applies to infertility. Infertility does not involve any loss.
grieving - bereaved: sorrowful through loss or deprivation; “bereft of hope”
<shakes head>
I didn’t say “death” was the sine non qua, I said LOSS was. Infertility involves no loss. Not getting something you want is not a loss. You can’t grieve for something you never had. Trying equate a frustrated desire with actual loss is bullshit.
One can lose an opportunity. “If I hadn’t dropped outta high school, I coulda been somebody”.
Naturally, not the same as being grieved by a death.
Infertility does not deprive anybody of anything. You can’t be deprived of something that doesn’t exist.
Can a man blind from birth not be “grieved” by his lack of sight? He hasn’t lost anything.
So, let’s say you always wanted to be a Mom. Let’s say that you can’t adopt or it will be difficult to adopt given your sexual orientation, financial status or other reasons (there are many).
Let’s say this is the only thing you ever wanted to do with your life. You don’t think the loss of that dream is a loss? You don’t think the person involved should be upset by it and that they couldn’t get to the point of grief?
Wish I could continue to chat but my story did have a happy ending and I have to go pick up my (adopted) kids from daycare. I was very lucky.
No he hasn’t, but at least he would have an actual disability and a real problem.