…and don’t know how goddamn lucky they are.
Inspired by this thread: How Can A Woman NOT Know She’s Pregnant?
I’ve got nothing against the OP, or anyone who contributed there. Reading that thread just made me furious against every other woman on the planet who can increase its population through natural means.
I know I shouldn’t be angry. You’re pregnant? <Puts on happy face> Well good for you! Your biological processes are in order! Your body is doing what it’s evolved to do: produce healthy offspring. Chances are, you’re going to have an adorable little child, with minimal effort and cost. And in a case like that described in the thread, you didn’t even know!
You know where I’m going later this week? I’m going to the gynecologist, to get yet another internal ultrasound. If there’s a mature egg developing in an ovary (because that doesn’t always happen in this Jane’s body), I’ll get yet another insemination treatment. (Doctor Feelbad will use my husband’s sperm, because it’s perfectly healthy, thankyouverymuch.) And you know what? That Torquemada-conceived so-called “turkey baster” HURTS. So those of you who are giggling, saying “well, she just doesn’t know how to have sex,” can stuff it with a speculum. Because if sex could get me pregnant, I’d have a litter of kids by now.
“Oh, so why don’t you just adopt?” many ask. Well, let’s look at the reality of this lovely sentiment. Because of my location (the not-quite-free republic of Quebec), local adoption is almost impossible. Therefore, I’ve got to go international. Which means I’ll have to raise $20 000 for bribes, I mean, fees to various government officials. $20 000 up front. And that’s before I’ve bought anything that will actually help the kid, like a crib or a car seat. Oh, and that’s not counting what I’ll have to pay to get my house in order. Because we’ll be inspected and interviewed, and anything short of a Supernanny-vetted functioning nursery could ruin our chances of being approved. Isn’t it swell to think I’ll be staring at a fully-furnished pink and blue room in our condo for months before we might be allowed to have a child? That’s sadder than single women who try on wedding dresses, and at least most of those girls don’t put them up in their homes to stare at every day.
Yep, I’m bitter. I’m bitter to know that for me, every afterschool special was a lie. I’m bitter realizing that every smiling school nurse who cautioned, “you can get pregnant at any time!” wasn’t talking to me. I’m bitter to read news articles about celebrities having babies they won’t even take care of themselves, 16-year-olds getting pregnant “because the condom broke”, and yes, even women having babies when they didn’t even know they were pregnant. Because though I realize it can be really shitty for an unprepared woman to have a child, it’s crushingly depressing to be totally prepared and told you can’t.