Some people may have noticed that I’ve been missing for a while… over a month. I’ve been going through some personal stuff, hiding away from the world. I finally decided that I need to start branching out and being around people outside of work. This is a good start… but it’s hard. I’m hoping that talking about it will help me get through it.
Some people may know that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. The most notable symptom is that I don’t ovulate regularly (and with that, irregular periods). Because of that, it’s harder to get pregnant. I may only ovulate 3 or 4 times a year… so instead of having 12 chances each year to get pregnant, I have only 3 or 4…if that.
My husband and I are trying to get pregnant despite that. We have regular sex (because we can’t use the calendar method to figure out when I’m ovulating) and we’re trying to stay positive. We keep saying “It’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen” and such… but it’s hard.
The biggest blow was that I recently miscarried. I was only a few weeks along. I had a positive test, scheduled the appointment with the doctor for a little over two weeks later. The morning of my appointment, I noticed some bleeding. By the time I got into the doctor that afternoon, it was heavy… long story short, I was miscarrying.
I’ve been so depressed the last month or so. It’s so discouraging. I finally manage to get pregnant, and my body decides not to stay pregnant… I’m so lost. My husband has been great, and very encouraging, but I feel like such a failure. I feel like I’m failing as a woman because I can’t get (and stay) pregnant. I feel like a failure as a wife because I can’t give my husband a child.
I don’t know how to keep positive about this. What have other couples done? I know I’m not the first woman to deal with this… how have other people dealt with the severe feelings of inadequacy?