Why do women always seem to want a boyfriend they don't need to sleep with?

[MaddyStrut]

@tamaraqueenofgoths

Well, I don’t think any of my guy friends aren’t “good enough” for me, they’re just not RIGHT for me, and that’s the bottom line. They are wonderful, smart, funny, unique, etc, guys, who would make somebody a great girlfriend. But not me, and not because they’re “not good enough” for me.

And you know, when you don’t accept a woman’s friendship because you only want to be her boyfriend/lover, you’re asking for the relationship YOU want, not what SHE wants. It’s basically like saying, “I’m sorry, but I only want the relationship that I want - you are my girlfriend or nothing”

Ditto to your first paragraph.

The last two guys I dated are wonderful people. I was highly attracted to them and don’t think there’s anything wrong with them. They just weren’t right for me romantically.

Guy #1 and I had totally opposing schedules. I wanted a boyfriend who I could see more often than once or twice a month. Maybe if we’d dated longer before running into scheduling problems, we would have tried harder to make it work. But it was too much work too early in the relationship.

Guy #2 really wants marriage and kids. I don’t. He was willing to continue our relationship as it was. However, I couldn’t handle the feelings of guilt I had over hurting him all the time because I didn’t want what he did. And he did get very hurt every time we discussed future plans.

Guy #1 and I are friends. To be fair, he wasn’t really crushed when the relationship ended and was probably feeling much the same way I was.

Guy #2 and I aren’t fighting or anything, but there’s still too much emotion there to be friends. I hope that some day he’ll be seeing someone who wants what he does and maybe we can be friends at that point.

I really don’t look at friendship as a “consolation prize.” I guess because there are many guys I don’t want to be friends with. It’s not like I want to be friends with everyone who has expressed interest in me. Some I’d be perfectly happy to never see again.

However, I kind of disagree with your second paragraph. Not the words so much as the tone.

I know first hand that friendship is painful if you still have strong feelings for someone. I went through that with another ex. I still really wanted to be with him. He didn’t want to be with me, at least not romantically. We tried to be friends but I couldn’t handle it. It just hurt too much to spend time with him and see all that I couldn’t have. Plus seeing him with another woman would send me into a tailspin!

So you could say he was either my boyfriend or nothing, but only because being friends really hurt me. It’s not like he wasn’t worth my friendship or anything. I just couldn’t get over him while staying friends.

[catsix]

Elysian said:
He is being egotistical. He is only thinking of himself. He’s not thinking that she may want something different. He wants her to be something she’s not so that he feels better.

I think he’s talking about the people who get all flirty, go out with you on Saturday night, hug you and pretend they’re interested and then say ‘You’re just like one of the girls’.

I see a certain misogyny in people talking about “She only sees you as a dick in a glass.” For fuck’s sake, that’s not what women see their friends as. That’s cretinous.

This chick Dawn who I knew in college saw guys as that. Moreso, she got very angry when one of those ‘dick in a glass’ guys and I had fooled around.

Can’t say it always happens, but can’t say it never happens either.

blowero said:
Another funny one I heard, but I can’t remember which comedian it was: Regarding the “want to be friends” women - they say, “You know, I want a guy who’s just like you…but not you.”

This goes in both directions y’know?

It really sucks to be really, really interested in a friend and hear them say ‘I wish I could find someone just like you.’

If they wanted someone just like me, well then why the fuck not me?

[badbadrubberpiggy]

@MaddyStrut

However, I kind of disagree with your second paragraph. Not the words so much as the tone.

I know first hand that friendship is painful if you still have strong feelings for someone. I went through that with another ex. I still really wanted to be with him. He didn’t want to be with me, at least not romantically. We tried to be friends but I couldn’t handle it. It just hurt too much to spend time with him and see all that I couldn’t have. Plus seeing him with another woman would send me into a tailspin!

So you could say he was either my boyfriend or nothing, but only because being friends really hurt me. It’s not like he wasn’t worth my friendship or anything. I just couldn’t get over him while staying friends.

yeah, it was a bit snarky, and there ARE good reasons why you wouldn’t want to be friends with somebody you dated, many of them…

what I was really responding to was Lizard’s statement in the OP that women who did this only wanted the relationship on their terms - ie, friendship, but not dating. Not wanting the friendship but wanting the dating is the same thing - wanting to base a relationship on your desires and not theirs.

[matt_mcl]

Can I ask what the deal is with prefacing all these statemens with “Men are like…” and “Women are like…”?

I can’t help shaking the feeling that you all might be more successful if you treated these things as interpersonal communication, instead of a Battle in the War Between the Sexes.

[CanvasShoes]

@Lizard

But isn’t the above scenario really saying, without words, that “We can’t have the relationship you want, only the relationship I want”?

I’m not a guy, but I’m a woman on the other side of this equation, I hope that’s okay.

Are you speaking of someone you’ve dated, and then they discovered that though they enjoyed your friendship, but that “IT” was not there for them romantically, and they THEN say the dreaded "let’s be friends?

Or do you mean someone with whom you’ve BEEN frienfs, but you decide you want more, and they don’t?

In the first case, it’s a woman’s way of trying to let the guy down gently, a girls version of “I’ll call you”.

In the second case, it is not saying we can only have the relationship I (the woman( want. It’s saying, “we’ve been friends, but there’s nothing more to it than that, I don’t feel that way about you, but if you want to continue the friendship we’ve already established, that would be great”.

Guys, help me out. Do women stop trying to eat their cake and have it too as they get older?

I’m 45 if that answers your question. The man in question and I have been just friends for a few years, and we worked together. As a friend and coworker I completely supported him as a friend during his divorce from the troll bitch from hell of all time. All of my fellow coworkers supported him as well, but having been through a pretty sucky situation myself several years before, I was particularly empathetic to him.

He’s a nice guy, but having been married to this woman who barely let him out of her sight for 20+ years, he knew very little about dating or women. Little did I know that my friendship and empathy would cause him to develop a pretty serious “crush” (if you can call it that at our age) on me.

I never lead this guy on at all, he knew and worked with my boyfriend of about 7 years, and he knew that I worshipped the ground this man walked on, I made no secret of how much I loved my boyfriend to ANYONE in our company, in fact, it was an ongoing source of much ribbing for the two of us.

Even though the man very much would like to take our friendship to the romantic level, he is not even remotely my type. I am still his friend, and will remain so as long as he needs me, but I sometimes get the “it doesn’t matter what I want” attitude from him.

My answer to men who feel this way? Do you really WANT to be involved with someone who has only agreed to be involved with you so that YOU will get to have “what you want”? People, including you, can’t force themselves to fall in love where there is nothing for them.

It doesn’t matter that we like many things about you, that doesn’t mean that it’s “meant to be” romantically, not every woman is just “right” for every man, or vice versa. It’s not personal, it’s just part of being a human.

If you don’t want to be friends with someone, or feel that she is 'getting her way" while you don’t get yours, then don’t agree to be friends.

[EllisDee]

@CanvasShoes

If you don’t want to be friends with someone, or feel that she is 'getting her way" while you don’t get yours, then don’t agree to be friends.

Wow, a voice of reason from the female perspective. How refreshing, when compared to:

@CrazyCatLady

Isn’t your refusal to even try to build a friendship the exact same thing? Why is it okay when you do it but not when someone else does it?

@Elysian

If you want to be a decent human being with normal human relationships, then maybe you might consider actually…you know…being friends.

@Elysian

If you refuse a friendship because that person won’t fuck you – and you see that as condescending? What? They just don’t want to sleep with you, that’s all! – then you are a poorer person.

@tamaraqueenofgoths

And you know, when you don’t accept a woman’s friendship because you only want to be her boyfriend/lover, you’re asking for the relationship YOU want, not what SHE wants. It’s basically like saying, “I’m sorry, but I only want the relationship that I want - you are my girlfriend or nothing”

@aruvqan

What could have possibly changed in ME in that week of dates to make me abhorent enough to ditch a 3 year friendship All I can remember of the few weeks after that was deep puzzlement and wondering if all I was good for was a piece of ass being held in reserve for when he dumped his latest girlfriend and couldnt find another one…and being incredibly hurt at being considered just a convenient hole.

@ava

Please. I have a great time with a guy, but I just don’t like him. I want to be friends and hang out and have fun because we have WONDERFUL conversations together but he gets pissed because I won’t sleep with him and stops hanging out with me.

Who’s the asshole here?

You want to fuck me but I DON’T WANT TO FUCK YOU.

It isn’t a ‘consolation prize’ it’s just me not wanting to fuck. Can you understand that or is your dick still getting in the way?

And finally:

@CrazyCatLady

It says to us, “Well, if you’re not going to be putting out, you’re not worth spending time with,” making us feel like you view us not as people, but as nothing more than potential warm holes to stick it in. That’s why some women tend to be pretty harsh on guys who bitch about the offer of friendship from someone they wanted to sleep with.

This one is priceless. If it hurts to much to be around a woman you are attracted to because even though she has rejected you, you cannot help but want to hold her in your arms, and so you end the friendship, that means you view her as nothing more than a warm hole to stick it in. Nice.

To all the women I quoted, please read and digest this wonderfully insightful post from MaddyStrut:

@MaddyStrut

I know first hand that friendship is painful if you still have strong feelings for someone. I went through that with another ex. I still really wanted to be with him. He didn’t want to be with me, at least not romantically. We tried to be friends but I couldn’t handle it. It just hurt too much to spend time with him and see all that I couldn’t have. Plus seeing him with another woman would send me into a tailspin!

So you could say he was either my boyfriend or nothing, but only because being friends really hurt me. It’s not like he wasn’t worth my friendship or anything. I just couldn’t get over him while staying friends.

That, ladies, is the point of not being friends. For any of you to think that the guy should remain friends is the height of selfishness. But women have trouble recognizing their own selfishness, as opposed to the selfishness of others, so the sheer number of quotes I was able to find in this thread is not surprising to me at all.

[jttm80]

Isn’t it just great the way all the women jumped in with their feminists statements? Not all of you, but some.

I believe the OP asked if women wanted their cake, and ate it also?
Well, of course, they do. But then, so do the guys.

We want sex, no strings attached.

Its the age of hedonism. We watch so many TV shows that portray how easy it is to sleep with women. We read interview with hot starlets who say that they are looking for one-night stands but just can’t find the guys for it.

Thats why we are confused by normal relationships. We can’t get why women don’t act like those babes we see on TV.

[CanvasShoes]

@tdn

Wrong. He’s looking for someone with a mutual attraction. This is a normal need, and when it is continually not met, it gets extremely frustrating.

It always amazes me how lonely guys get treated on this board. Normally compassionate and level headed people suddenly come out with accusations of egotism, mysogeny, and selfishness. Way to piss on someone’s rainy day.

Well, the reactions they get aren’t generally based on the guy in question being lonely, but on his making statements such as “she wants the relationship she wants, and I don’t get what I want” and “she wants her cake and eat it too” and "are women still like this (where “this” is obviously some mild evil these women are doing) when they get older.

Some of us understand that statements like those are BORN of the loneliness and frustration, but if you’re a woman who’s been on the accusatory receiving end of these types of statements it can makes us see red, rather than sympathy.

[aruvqan]

@Ellis Dee

And finally:This one is priceless. If it hurts to much to be around a woman you are attracted to because even though she has rejected you, you cannot help but want to hold her in your arms, and so you end the friendship, that means you view her as nothing more than a warm hole to stick it in. Nice.

To all the women I quoted, please read and digest this wonderfully insightful post from MaddyStrut:That, ladies, is the point of not being friends. For any of you to think that the guy should remain friends is the height of selfishness. But women have trouble recognizing their own selfishness, as opposed to the selfishness of others, so the sheer number of quotes I was able to find in this thread is not surprising to me at all.

THEN FREAKING TELL US THAT IT HURTS TO STAY OUR FRIENDS, DON"T JUST REFUSE TO EVER TALK TO US AGAIN.

What could have possibly changed in ME in that week of dates to make me abhorent enough to ditch a 3 year friendship All I can remember of the few weeks after that was deep puzzlement and wondering if all I was good for was a piece of ass being held in reserve for when he dumped his latest girlfriend and couldnt find another one…and being incredibly hurt at being considered just a convenient hole.

What part of 3 years of friendship and not hitting on me, with me being the single constant female friend in a string of about 17 girlfriends changes after 4 evenings where I determine that as a friend he was fun, but as a boy friend he didn’t quite mesh … small things that dont normally turn up in a nonsexual friendship [i like holding hands, I guess he feels that holding hands in public isnt macho enough or something], liking to be hugged softly intead of clinched like I was in a wrestling ring [broken back, some of the surgical sites were still a bit tender] and liking softer less tongue kisses instead of a tongue-induced tonsillectomy… or wanting to be called by my name, not ‘sunshine’ or ‘punkin’ as he knew I didn’t like nicknames in the entire 3 years he knew me… or happening to like to sit and read while he watches football… like I had for the previous 3 years [why I had to immediately stop reading and watch a spot I had absolutely no interest in, when he never minded me reading when he was watching sports before…]

[Lilairen]

@matt_mcl

Can I ask what the deal is with prefacing all these statemens with “Men are like…” and “Women are like…”?

I can’t help shaking the feeling that you all might be more successful if you treated these things as interpersonal communication, instead of a Battle in the War Between the Sexes.

I sometimes get the impression that success isn’t actually one of the major criteria for dealing with conversations that break down into “men are like” and “women are like”. It comes across as dealing with justification and commiseration-soliciting to me. And getting sympathy for the issue through dealing with The Model Of [Wo]Man as an intractible difficulty.

I do know that someone who looks to their model of “what women are like” to explain my behaviour instead of me isn’t going to get anywhere with me as a potential lover – it comes across as being interested in the model, not in me, and that’s . . . call it ‘a bit of a turn-off’. Someone who has ambitions of being with me had better be being with me, not a cut-rate hack job of what I’m supposed to be like because I have tits.

[CanvasShoes]

@Lizard

And women see it as an “offer,” when in reality it is a consolation prize for guys who aren’t good enough for them. And we know it.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

NO. It’s NOT. All it means is that romantically speaking, our personalities don’t mesh for us. That’s it. It has nothing to do with the whether the man is “good” enough.

It means that the guy in question isn’t “that girl’s fit” enough. That’s all. It’s not a “good/bad” thing. It’s a 'is he THE ONE" thing.

[EllisDee]

@aruvqan

THEN FREAKING TELL US THAT IT HURTS TO STAY OUR FRIENDS, DON"T JUST REFUSE TO EVER TALK TO US AGAIN.

This is exactly what I’m referring to. Look at this sentence. you expect a guy to tell you it hurts to stay friends, and then stay friends, despite the hurt. At least, that’s the literal read. I think what you’re really saying is to explain the hurt before ending the friendship, with which I heartily agree.

But make no mistake, the moment the platonic guy friend made the move, he knowingly ended the friendship. This takes some serious brass balls. Sometimes it could take (3) years to build up the courage. Then when it blows up in his face, everything has changed irrevocably. He knew it would. Those 3 years he spent basking in your presence, afraid to make his move, were incredibly selfish on his part. Every day afterward that the friendship continues is selfish on her part.

What part of 3 years of friendship and not hitting on me, with me being the single constant female friend in a string of about 17 girlfriends changes after 4 evenings where I determine that as a friend he was fun, but as a boy friend he didn’t quite mesh … small things that dont normally turn up in a nonsexual friendship [i like holding hands, I guess he feels that holding hands in public isnt macho enough or something], liking to be hugged softly intead of clinched like I was in a wrestling ring [broken back, some of the surgical sites were still a bit tender] and liking softer less tongue kisses instead of a tongue-induced tonsillectomy… or wanting to be called by my name, not ‘sunshine’ or ‘punkin’ as he knew I didn’t like nicknames in the entire 3 years he knew me… or happening to like to sit and read while he watches football… like I had for the previous 3 years [why I had to immediately stop reading and watch a spot I had absolutely no interest in, when he never minded me reading when he was watching sports before…]

Please tell me your joking about not knowing what changed. During those 3 years, he saw a potential. After 4 days, he sees that there is no potential whatsoever. How can this possibly be difficult to understand?

[EllisDee]

@CanvasShoes

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

NO. It’s NOT. All it means is that romantically speaking, our personalities don’t mesh for us. That’s it. It has nothing to do with the whether the man is “good” enough.

It means that the guy in question isn’t “that girl’s fit” enough. That’s all. It’s not a “good/bad” thing. It’s a 'is he THE ONE" thing.

You’ll have as much success convincing a guy of that as you would convincing a girl with low self esteem that her ass isn’t fat.

[John_Carter_of_Mars]

Originally Posted by Lizard:
<snip>"This remains the only input I have, two months and several eetings for dinner, etc. later. Not yes, not no, not anything in particular. I’ve about resolved that SOMEBODY should make up their mind, and if it’s not her, then it will be me."

Two months is way, way too much time passing before defining a relationship. After one date, two at the most, you both should know if this is a romance or a friendship.
I don’t understand the confusion over whether a relationship is romantic or simply friendly anyway. How could both parties not pick up the signals after spending just a few hours together?

Originally Posted by tamaraqueenofgoths
<snip>"It’s basically like saying, “I’m sorry, but I only want the relationship that I want - you are my girlfriend or nothing”

I find nothing wrong with that approach. If someone really turns you on, you DO want them either romantically or nothing. It’s honest and saves all parties concerned a lot of time, hurt feelings and trouble.

For me, becoming friends with someone of the opposite sex is an odd case that happens because we’ve been tossed together at work or some similar situation. If I’m going out with a female or hanging out with her at my place or hers, it’s romantic. Period.

In the immortal words that msmith537 posted in another thread: “You talk to girls to get a date and get hooked up, not to become friends or pen pals or some shit like that.”

[CanvasShoes]

@Ellis Dee

This is exactly what I’m referring to. Look at this sentence. you expect a guy to tell you it hurts to stay friends, and then stay friends, despite the hurt. At least, that’s the literal read. I think what you’re really saying is to explain the hurt before ending the friendship, with which I heartily agree.

Ummm, I kinda have to agree with Ellis Dee here. I mean, C’MON, we’re Girls for crying out loud. The sex that has that old “intuition” thing going on? Maybe this is just cuz I’m an “old” woman and all, but men aren’t really all that complicated. If they’re taking you out on a date, and giving you “THAT” look. You can’t be all that surprised when they finally get up the courage to spill their guts.

Yes, yes, I know of course there are the exceptions, men who are great actors and keep it all under wraps. But we women, by and large can’t possibly be unaware in any shape and form that telling a guy that “IT” isn’t there, isn’t going to hurt him.

Please tell me your joking about not knowing what changed. During those 3 years, he saw a potential. After 4 days, he sees that there is no potential whatsoever. How can this possibly be difficult to understand?

No kidding, men generally are NOT like the heroes on soap operas. That is, most won’t talk about their feelings. Our society has made that something of a no-no since they were little. If you reject him, you can bet he’s going to be hurt. Even if all he wanted was sex.

Now, that does NOT excuse him being ugly about it, or blaming all women for him being lonely or not getting a girlfriend when he wants one, but unless a woman is extemely young and inexperienced in the dating world, she can’t possibly be that unaware that a complete break with a friend spells REALLLY HURT, or DEPRESSED (or some other emotion our society forbids men to express) man.

The problem is Lizard is what you’re experiencing in this thread. Your hurt isn’t getting across, because the tone of blaming is getting in the way. I’d guess that that is what is happening out IRL too.

This isn’t really a “woman hosing men for wanting them” thing. It’s a "this is the screwed up crap that happens when a human tries to find “THE ONE” thing. And what sucks the most about it is, when you are lonely (both sexes, not just men, and I’d wager no matter what orientation too), people of the opposite sex can SMELL desparation and loneliness for miles.

I met someone when I wasn’t even looking at all. Wasn’t even interested in looking. IMHO? That’s about the only way to do it. Haven’t you ever noticed how people in relationships, especially good ones are always getting hit on?

It’s because they’re comfortable and confident. They’re not desparately lonely, and it shows. As sucky and as hard as it is, if you want to find “the one”, you need to figure out a way to achieve that kind of mentality.

And this girl? The one you’re dating and who won’t even commit to a straight answer? IMHO? Dump her, she sounds like trouble. And frankly, she’s not “good” enough for you.

[CanvasShoes]

@Ellis Dee

You’ll have as much success convincing a guy of that as you would convincing a girl with low self esteem that her ass isn’t fat.

Sigh, I know. But it makes me so sad. Because it truly isn’t the case. Not for most.

[Rick]

@The Gaspode

:smack:
I missed that post when readin the thread.
again: :smack:

When I saw your post I thought what am I chopped liver?
It’s OK, Gaspode I miss stuff too.

[Kimstu]

JCM: *I find nothing wrong with that approach. If someone really turns you on, you DO want them either romantically or nothing. *

Not necessarily. A lot of people are, in fact, able to adjust to the disappointment of not having a romance, and to develop a fulfilling friendship with the person who turned them down. It happens when someone decides that the other person is so important to them, as a person, that they’d rather get over their disappointment and just be happy in the friendship, instead of eating their heart out over the missed romance. Not everybody wants to take this route, of course, and not everybody who wants to is emotionally capable of making it work, but certainly many people do try it and succeed.

(Personally, I feel very blessed that almost all my ex-boyfriends are still my good and valued friends, and that their wives (those who’ve married, that is) are now my good and valued friends too. I also feel lucky to have developed some rewarding friendships with guys I tried to date who turned me down, or vice versa. IMHO, a true connection with someone you really like is just way too valuable to give up merely because you have to work through the pain of rejection and disappointment to maintain it. Why throw away some perfectly good love when you can recycle it? )

For me, becoming friends with someone of the opposite sex is an odd case that happens because we’ve been tossed together at work or some similar situation. If I’m going out with a female or hanging out with her at my place or hers, it’s romantic. Period.

Wild. You mean, you don’t have any female friends that you’d go out for a movie or a beer with, or spend an evening at home with, just because you enjoy their company? You certainly don’t have to if you don’t want to, of course, but it has a kind of old-fashioned air to it: no personal relationships between the genders unless you’re courting, and all that sort of thing.

In the immortal words that msmith537 posted in another thread: “You talk to girls to get a date and get hooked up, not to become friends or pen pals or some shit like that.”

I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way, but that sounds kinda sad and desperate to me. Do we really have so much tunnel vision about the pursuit of romantic happiness that we dismiss the joys of developing friendship as “some shit”?

It’s true that everybody (well, nearly everybody) is ultimately on a heartfelt quest for The One, seeking the fulfillment of true love or at least some hot sex, and we all feel sad and disappointed when the quest leads us to one of the inevitable dead ends. But are we really so goal-oriented that we’re never willing to say “Oh well, looks like this ain’t love or sex, but it’s still worth keeping for its own sake because I genuinely like this person”? It’s never seemed to me that good companions and true friends are so common that we can just irritably shrug off opportunities to find new ones.

[Lilairen]

@Ellis Dee

But make no mistake, the moment the platonic guy friend made the move, he knowingly ended the friendship. This takes some serious brass balls. Sometimes it could take (3) years to build up the courage. Then when it blows up in his face, everything has changed irrevocably. He knew it would.

How sad.

If I didn’t think a friendship was strong enough to survive an asking-and-being-turned-down, I certainly wouldn’t think it was strong enough to build a romantic relationship on.

Fortunately, none of the people I’ve ever asked out have been so fragile that they thought that me being attracted to them was so terrifying that they had to cut off all contact. In fact, I’ll be seeing the most recent one, who turned me down quite politely, tomorrow.

[Incubus]

Its interesting reading this thread and reflecting back on my own screwed-up attempts at romance. I’ll admit I burned a lot of bridges in the past- I really regret not taking up some offers of friendship because in the long run it would have helped me. It took me six long years to realize the advantages of ‘just being friends’ if you get rejected-

1.) If you are really hell bent on some romantic relationship, a female friend is a potentially powerful ally. What better way for a woman to help her friend get over her romantically than to help him out with his romance? I’m not saying that women should be obligated to help out here- I’m saying that guys that abandon friendships are missing out on untapped potential for the future. Sure she might just want to be friends with you, but what about her sister? cousin? best friend? coworker? et cetera.

2.) Accepting the offer of friendship shows her that you are able to be mature about the situation, a good sport, able to get over rejection and move on. If romance is your goal, it doesn’t hurt to have allies that have faith in you and will back up your personal character if questioned.

3.) Lonliness knows no peer. For me, I spend many stretches of my lifetime friendless and lonely, partly because I didn’t want to be friends with girls who dumped me. Looking back, I think it was foolish since I would have had a lot more friends.

Last month I went on a cruise and met a particularly interesting woman. I was attracted to her, and asked her out on a date when we got back home (she lives in the same city as me) and she flat-out told me as much as she likes me, she can’t think of me in a romantic sense because I look too much like her brother. At first this really hurt- what kind of stupid excuse is that, “You look like my brother” ? But then I calmed down and thought, “What does it matter?” sure I liked her in a romantic way, but most of the reasons I liked her is because of common intrests and attitudes, none of which would change or detract from just being friends. So now I am very happy to be friends with a woman who ‘rejected’ me in a way, but fortunately caught me at a time in my life when I was finally mature enough to accept friendship without thinking of it as a ‘consolation’, and for that matter,being happier in the long run still single but +1 friend.