I think the next time I hear this in a casual conversation I am going to snap. 60 years ago men and women used logic in everyday conversations they would automatically start identifying pertinent factors that might somehow effect your approach to something. My generation seemed to put an end to this. I blame it on rock and roll.
Affect. Affect your approach.
By way of Canada?
I still have complex, logical discussions with people but then I am a social worker and it’s natural for me to steer conversations in those directions.
Sometimes it works if I am persistent and sometimes it bombs.
Because being technically correct is the best kind of correct!
Trying to wield control over how a conversation goes, like a mallet, will not gain friends or influence people.
Likely leave you sitting alone.
Indeed. It seems to me like the people that the OP is engaging in “casual conversation” (his words) are not, in fact interested in hearing about “pertinent factors that might somehow effect your approach to something” (again, his words), and that’s why they are telling him “why do you complicate everything.”
They may not be interested in having logic applied to casual conversation, nor may they be interested in the OP “identifying pertinent factors” – they just want to talk about stuff, not be engaged in a logic-based debate, or in having someone else deconstruct their thought processes for them.
@HoneyBadgerDC : if you keep hearing this from people you talk to in your life, consider that it may not be everyone else who is approaching these casual conversations in a problematic way.
Because sh*t is complicated. There are no simple answers.
Ok there are some, but explaining which answers are complicated is well complicated.
I once made the mistake of asking my wife that question. It was fortuitous timing on my part as her boss, whom she didn’t care for in the least, asked her the same question at work earlier that week. What I’m getting at is the question did not spark joy in her heart. In my defense, I don’t ask that question when we’re discussing something that’s either complicated or of importance. Like you, I like using logic to think through the situation to find the best outcome.
I actually learned by the time I was about 7 yrs old that most people prefer a simple approach to everything. Luckily I usually had some older people in my circle who were happy to explore ideas. All of my older friends died off and I recently decided to thin out my existing circle to those I felt enjoyed more meaningful conversations. I have a feeling by the time I get done with the thinning process there will be no one left and I am fine with that.
I mean, isn’t this just asking “why are people shallow?”
Which is indistinguishable from asking “why is water damp?”
I’m afraid there’s no simple answer to that.
I think we complicate things to make them simple.
Sometimes the “simple” answer is the one that most satisfies a personal need, and as life progresses and (hopefully) the considerations of others comes into play those “simple” answers just don’t apply any more.
To make a name for learning
when other roads are barred,
take something very easy
and make it very hard.
— Piet Hein
sorry, but this is really reductive. Sometimes a simple direct approach that accomplishes a task or relays necessary information but no more is desirable or even necessary. If a bear is charging you and your friend and he is holding a shotgun, you don’t want to have to debate the morality of killing an animal that is only following its instincts, you just want the fucking thing shot asap.
yes, I like deep meandering conversations and considering different angles and points of view when approaching situations, but not always. Unless you recognize situations when this is appropriate and when it is not, you are going to run into situations when people say the exact thing you are complaining about.
Indeed. An idea which I learned a couple of years ago, and which I have been trying to implement in my own thinking (because my mind is often set onto problem-solving mode) is “are you asking me to listen, or are you asking for advice?” (alternately, “are you looking to vent, or are you looking for advice?”).
It may not always be a great idea to be quite so blunt in asking that of casual acquaintances, but the idea is that people who talk with you about something, especially in a casual conversation, probably are not looking for advice (and, may well resent being told what to do). They may just want to talk and have someone listen.
I gave the impression I do it all the time and with everything. I do it more often than most but probably not more than a dozen times in a year. I will give a real simple example because I started a thread on it here. I am a decent pool player but well below the pros. I was curious as to why some of the pros get so much more action on their ball than even an advanced amateur. People would say something like follow through, speed, wrist action things like that. But I wanted to know exactly what was happening during that very brief period when the cue is in contact with the ball. So I only wanted to look at the tip of the cue and the object ball. To me that is not complicated it is a very basic approach. But to some it is overcomplicating. I have a lot of examples.