As someone with OCD, I can only reply to that question with, “Everything I do may seem complicated and nonsensical, but there’s really a logic to it, even if it’s a 15-step process. I don’t have the time or will to explain it, but everything I do has a specific purpose, whether it’s draping towels over the floor, opening the door handle a certain way, or using certain washing machines and avoiding others.”
Are these people you are asking biomechanical engineers? Are they professional pool players? If not, how could you expect them to answer. Your average Joe can say either two things: 1) provide a generally correct, but entirely simplistic answer (e.g. some combination of “follow through, speed, wrist action”, or 2) they say they don’t know. No one wants to say they don’t know and that is a conversation killer anyway, so they go with number 1. You need to understand who you are talking to and whether they are capable of having a more detailed discussion on any specific topic. If you want detailed and complicated discussions on particular topics, you need to seek out the right people to have them with. I can have a detailed and nuanced discussion on certain legal issues, I can’t have one on the rotational trajectories of objects in our solar system. If you are seeking to have such a discussion with me, you may indeed be disappointed when I say you are “overcomplicating” things.
I really cannot believe this quote hasn’t popped up yet:
For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
Those are all excellent points. Some people say I am going through something right now and that is why I am getting touchy about conversations. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I am purposely putting my associates to a test that I am already pretty sure they will fail, I am putting more value into the relationships that come closet to my ideal. . AI has been a huge help here, I can discuss anything I want and it helps me to explore the topics. I have a great one going on this morning and tomorrow it will be something else. AI is a life changer.
I’ll just say that this statement comes across as callous and manipulative. But, maybe, you don’t care about that.
Agreed. If the OP is deliberately trying to stress-test conversations in his social circle in order to break some subset of his social relationships, I don’t think he’s in a position to complain when he gets some responses indicating uncomfortable levels of stress.
That said, I agree that queries of the form “Why do you always —” or “Why do you — everything” or “Why can’t you ever —” tend to be intrinsically counterproductive. They are not about wanting to know the answer to a question about behavior, they are about just wanting the behavior to stop.
I wouldn’t want to know “my friend” was testing me, as to my worthiness as a friend.
Yeah, no. That’s a deal breaker.
I’d dump you first. You wouldn’t be bothered with my chit-chat any more.
If, you’re memorizing AI conversations and applying them at coffee time at the diner, you’ll come off as an asshole.
Everyone knows AI and what rote delivery sounds like.
It’s not like it’s your private secret.
Prehaps research how to be a pleasant welcoming conversationalist.
Listen more, talk less.
Wisdom here:
Far more people want to bitch about the existence of a problem than want to solve that problem. Even if it is wholly within their power to solve. Although for most people most of the time, the bitch-worthy problems are ones they cannot solve. Or at least they cannot solve without outside assistance.
And I don’t mean assistance in the sense of better explication. I mean in the sense of more power to influence more of the surrounding circumstances.
And, I’d hazard, even fewer are looking to someone else to give them unsolicited advice to help them solve that problem.
One real common issue is when someone calls you over for assistance in building something. It could be a shed, a pigeon coop, converting a garage, a book case, you name it. And then when you suggest drawing up a plan before we order anything or cut the first piece of wood or metal. And they say something like, Oh! I don’t want to go through all that I just want to build X. They just don’t realize that 1 hour of planning might save them hours in work and materials.
For the particular pool ball example, I think the term for a single impulse physical reaction is (heh) ballistics. It takes away the human atheletic aspects and instead refers to starting conditions, velocities & vectors, materials, mechanical reactions, and environmental influences like felt characteristics and table surfaces angles.
But it’s objectively complicated. Your brain tricked you into making it seem easy to line up a shot with a pole and use it to sink a ball with another. Pool, darts, cornhole are primarily games of execution honed by practice. Metrics can help in some ways but it’s usually outside amateur athletes time & effort: few, say, bowlers watch tape of their games.
“Sure but it sounds like you won’t be ready for a while. Let me know when you need my extra hands.”
Possible:
- The OP met a vastly different sample of adults than I did 60 years ago.
- The way adults talk to a kid asking questions about the world is different from the way they talk to other adults.
- 60-year-old memories might not be as complete or accurate as we like to believe.
Not possible:
- Adults talked more logically 60 years ago.
On this I will brag a bit. I get stuff done quick, including the planning because I know how much time and work it saves.
Those are the ones where I say “Have fun!” and make mental note to be unavailable to help. Especially unavailable if they mention they’re stuck.
One of the treats of being past 50 is pretty much nobody in my peer group DIYs any more. So many fewer wasted weekends and skinned knuckles.
Sure, those are the same valuable attributes we all look for when hiring professional services.
I have a hard time with this. To be sure, I still have some problems I had years ago, but the key difference is I am always trying to solve them. There is never a time I’m not trying to solve my problems. Even when I’m seeking emotional support, that’s still a problem I’m trying to solve. My thought is emotional support ----> greater clarity/new perspective ----> solution.
That may be its own pathology, though.
I suspect that you may be more insightful about your problems than most people are.
What I often run into is people who have problems in their lives – and want to be able to vent about them – but who see the problems as something that’s outside of their control (stupid people at the store, their employer, the government, the weather, their computer, etc.), and don’t believe that the problem can actually be solved or changed – and certainly not solved by them taking any sort of different action or approach. Again, they are probably “not looking for advice, just looking to complain.”
Yeah, my husband sees this a lot with his clients. I think it’s the most frustrating part of his job. “Try changing one thing. Just one little thing.” It’s astonishing to me how many people go to therapy and don’t expect to have to change anything they are doing.
To be fair, some problems don’t have solutions, at which point the “problem” is figuring out how to make peace with it.