Wide-eyed innocence: “Wow, that sounds like something I should be talking to a nutritionist about instead of you.”
That’s old diner slang. 
That’s out of order. It should be “fuck off and go eat your own damned lunch”.
Alternatively, give them a benchmark for their future judgement. Eat durian fruit at their desk for a few days, then see how they feel about turket and yoghurt. Everything is relative.
Politely say that you’d be happy to eat something else if they’d be willing to pay for your lunch at Morton’s Steak House.
I think the idea is that they’d still make stuipid and unnecessary comments…
The etiquette-approved response to this kind of rudeness is a (chilly if you prefer) “Excuse me?” or “I’m sorry?” The implication being that what just came out of their mouth was so inappropriate that you *must *have mishead them.
That’s debateable. (And I do mean debateable rather than just using it as a euphemistic way of saying you’re wrong).
You should also have pointed out to the moron that yogurt is SUPPOSED to have bacteria. (The good kind)
This.
I DESPISE people interrogating me about my food, pretty much regardless of their tone or intent.
OK, so “What are you eating?” is not interrogation, but for some reason to me, my food is a pretty personal thing. It just feels to me that my choice of food is a very private matter, and it always make me uncomfortable when people stare at my lunch and make comments on it. So most of the time, I eat in my (very private) office, or away from work altogether.
The other night at the grocery store, I was buying some kiddie-type pre-fab lunch kits…you know, the kind with crackers and cheese and slices of ham or turkey, and a Capri-Sun (they’re for my daughter, who’s in 1st-grade). The cashier says, “Ooh, these looks weird. Are they any good?” I was mortified. Why are you analyzing my goddamn grocery choices?? Scan 'em, bag 'em, and leave me alone. :mad:
What a dumb question. No, they suck, that’s why I’m buying them. :rolleyes:
The wise-ass in me would be tempted to go down a similar road; “Yeah, why the hell did you buy such weird food for me to eat? Oh, you didn’t buy this food? Then I’m a little confused why you think you have an opinion on it.”
Oh, if you want adventures in people analysing and commenting on your groceries trying buying them with food stamps. Hooo-wee! Such nosey busy-bodies, judgmental as hell, and if you protest - WELL! You’re welfare scum and there for them to criticize and shame because, dammit, you’re poor and you deserve to suffer!
That sucks. I think here in NJ we give people cards - like an atm card. I supposed it’s readily identifiable but IDK. I think people around here are a lot more tolerant though. A bunch of rude, impatient cock-suckers, but somewhat tolerant.
I’ve worked (and work again, now) with people who are just like this, and I’m taking copious notes on the well-phrased comebacks. (The Other Shoe and I are both light eaters, and I could publish an entire book of the stupid shit people have said to us at mealtimes.) People, seriously: get your nose out of my food.
I’ve noticed that depending on what time of day people catch me, my nosy-ass co-workers get waaay skewed perspectives on me. Catch me at lunchtime eating some broth with quinoa, and you’ll think I’m a vegan health nut. Catch me midafternoon with a bag of FunYuns on my desk, and you’ll think I’m a lardass in the making with no education and an inability to read food labels.
The truth is, I’m neither of those. So quit with the judgemental crap, m’kay?
The better response is to say nothing, and next time do that “eating-live-monkey-brains” trick for lunch. They will never question your choice of cold cuts again.
Hell, it worked for me.
Quoted for truth. It is unlikely that anyone can make an accurate judgement on someone else’s eating habits by watching them at work, and for the love of all that’s holy, I wish people would quit trying.
Everyone uses the plastic cards for “food stamps” these days (technically, it’s an “EBT” card). Yes, they are identifiable if you are at all familiar with them. Actually, most people don’t give a damn how you pay for your groceries but it only takes one asshole to ruin your day out shopping.
I was eating a lovely pigs trotter in my office one day when someone came in and sniffed and said (in a loud voice) “Who’s eating dogshit?”
I was hurt.
I just want my ten minutes to eat, without badgering from anyone. Yes, I eat at my desk, but I don’t have an office where I can shut my door, and if I go in the conference room, it’s open season. I make every indication I can that I just want to be left alone for a few minutes.
Worse yet is this one girl who used to work here who used to negatively comment on my food. Tofu was the worst! People like this just don’t listen. They say, “tofu tastes gross!”. And I said, “How did you have it?” And she said, “Boiled.” Or “Steamed”. I say, well, tofu soaks up the sauces of whatever you cook it in. You can lightly fry it or soak it in a cream sauce or a wine sauce and it’s sort of like mushrooms, it’s spongy; it is all about the texture. And they say, “But tofu tastes gross!” And then I smack them over the head with the tofu. *In my mind. *
The best ones are the ones who say they’ve never even eaten the stuff. And of course the sushi/sashimi stuff really gets me. “You’re eating raw fish!” “No, sushi doesn’t necessarily have to have raw fish, it’s just a preparation style and I certainly don’t obey any ‘sushi rules’; I eat it however I want, and this has no raw fish in it at all.” “I could never eat raw fish.” GO TO HELL AND DIE.
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I am so glad the IT guys where I work talked me into going to have sushi with them for lunch one day. I was the ignorant fool that thought all sushi involved something raw and that it would be yucky. They pushed and pushed and I finally caved, and damn that stuff can really be good! Sorry for the hijack.
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Let me be clear. I have few if any substantial regrets about the years I spent within the tie-dyed and stoned community, there were things that needed doing, things that needed saying, and however ineptly, we at least tried.
But I will never, ever again eat another grain of brown rice so long as I live, so help me Goddess!
And okra! Okra is proof positive that vegetables should not have fur, it is an abomination. Sure, bread it and deep-fry it, its tasty, but you can batter and deep fry a cow patty and it would likely be tasty! And when I take over, anybody who offers licorice to a child as candy will be charged with abuse. And publicly skinned.
Dieters and new vegetarians are the WORST, because they love telling you everything that is wrong with what you are eating, and how fucking SUPER they are as people because they’ve changed their ways. Makes me stabby.