What about eating 6 meat pies, or 12 tacos? Is it specifically 2 small pizzas or any large qualitity of food?
The smart money is with capybara.
Maybe when you were a little kid you dropped hot cheese on the boys so now they are afraid of pizza and try to hide?
Too much pizza gives me serious gas, but my balls never shrink on me.
Everything I have ever done that made my balls hurt, I never did again. Quit eating pizza and switch to lasagne and see if it happens.
[sub]Took me 15 minutes to write this, I was giggling so much. This was too funny[/sub]
capybara, I’m pretty sure it’s not the tomato sauce – my regular diet is pretty tomato saturated. (As an aside, I expect I’m more solanacea-tolerant than most folks, too. Apart from tomatos & potatos, I have regular contact with nicotiana, and in the remote past even belladonna & datura, although I wouldn’t recommend those last two to anyone.)
It’s not a poop-trauma thing, either-- and there’s no “straining” to speak of – just a feeling that all is not well with the guts, and then the tightening and the ache. I can’t believe I just typed that. Agh.
I always assumed it was all the cheese. I never notice anything like it with anything apart from pizza, and the only thing that seems remarkable about pizza compared with everything else I eat is the density of cheese involved. It’s not just a “too much a once” thing, either. If I have a coupla slices for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, it’s just the same.
Jeez, I can’t believe that for at least fifteen years, my primary association with eating too much pizza has been that “kicked-in-the-nuts” feeling, and I just figured nobody said anything about it because it was so ugly. I figured it had the same sort of unspoken universality for guys as “piss shivers.”
I feel like I’m having a naked-in-public nightmare.
Now this is a weird thread. The only excessive consumption that does this to me is ALCOHOL.
If I have overindulged - you know those times when you just have to take a few moments to take stock (preferably not too far from a bathroom) - then I get the exact same pain that you describe. Anyone know what causes this?
Pizza though? That’s just weird.
Are you overweight at all? FWIW, I knew someone long ago that would get sharp, low intestinal pains (not testicular, though) whenever he ate heavy stuff. Turns out he was wearing his belt too tight, or something…
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Excessive consumption of pizza requires a proportional amount of beer to wash it down.
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Excessive consumption of the aforementioned beer results in a loss of both kinesthetic awareness and motor function.
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Lost motor function caused you to slouch down in your seat, bringing the crotch of your pants tight around the jewels - you simply don’t notice this until it’s too late.
Solutions:
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Switch to non-alcoholic beverages, or
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Wear a kilt.
-FK
Not with any intent to alarm you, but I would still highly recommend paying the doctor a visit, since the pizza may simply be exaggerating the symptoms of an already present condition which needs to be checked out.
In particular, (again, not to alarm you), your thread struck me in some ways as being similar to my own recent situation. Testicular pain is a symptom of kidney trouble, and the pizza/cheese/calcium connection set off warning bells in my head. It could be nothing, of course; I’m not a doctor, and I’m just WAGging my ass off here, but I think you should get it checked.
Best of luck to you.
Cool out!
MSG.
“Piss shivers”? What on earth are you talking about? Are you sure you’re actually a humanoid?
Being a frequent customer of CiCi’s “It’s Crappy But All You Can Eat for a Fiver!” Pizza, I can say my boys have never, ever had any pizza-related problems.
Ok, Larry, I’d like to know exactly how much you like pizza. You seem to be eating a lot of it, so is it safe to assume that you *love *the stuff? I mean *really, really love *the stuff? So much that you actually get *turned on * at the taste of pizza? And the more you eat, the more turned on you get? And there’s no relief in sight?
Methinks blue balls.
You’re the only one this happens to. You can test your cheese theory by eating large amounts of cheese only. But I’m with the some-form-of-indigestion crowd here.
There is a male-only form of hernia which protrudes into the scrotum. If that was the problem it would happen no matter what you over-ate, so again you could test this by excessive consunmption of something other than pizza.
Maybe it is related to certain hormones in the cheese or toppings?
Is this from any kind of pizza? No matter the toppings? You tried switching to another pizza maker like Pizza Hut or Papa John’s? Does this happen even with homemade pizza? Are you sticking it in the right hole?
This is certainly a unique, uh, affliction. You must post more details if your doctor figures out what it is.
I doubt I will ask a doctor about it, I’ll just stop ordering pizza. I really am quite mortified.
It’s possible that you are just getting stomach cramps akin to diarrhea and you are getting referred pain.
This reminds me of my sister and pizza - if she eats too much grease she gets horrible, almost unbearable, pains on one of her sides (whichever side the digestive tract is on). Like BobT says, maybe the pain of digestion is being transferred to your testicles. You should test pizzas and toppings like Horseflesh said to narrow down the cause. Giving up pizza for good should be your very, very, very last option!
… mmm, horseflesh pizza …
It’s really not as good as it sounds. I’m rather stringy and tough, and then there’s the matter of who gets the last hoof…