Why does S. Claus bring kids presents?

It’s not their birthday! They should give presents to the person who’s birthday it is!

I think Santa Claus gives kids presents because if he went over to their house and kicked their butts (which is what they really deserve) he would get sued.

This was a Staff Report just last week, handy. Look it up. Does the Bishop of Mhyra ring a bell?

Or: does the Pope shit in the woods?

Wait a minute…