I’ve been looking on the web for lonely people who want to talk about their loneliness, and I haven’t had any success.
I meet playful, cheeky, exuberant people who want to talk about Madonna.
I meet philosophical, analytical people who want to talk about Buffy.
I meet well-read, witty and discerning people at The Straight Dope.
But no one talks about the feeling of being alone and lonely.
Is there some kind of taboo?
I think there should be a “wallowing in our own loneliness” community on the web that isn’t disguised as something else (like a Babylon 5 forum or something).
If there is, can anyone help me find it? Google has been no help.
I think the reason there is no group online (though I haven’t searched personally) is because once there is a group of people who wallow together in their loneliness… well they aren’t exactly alone anymore. There are others around who feel the same and they share experiences etc…
By sharing the loneliness you are no longer alone and thus don’t need a place to hang out to talk about it. Thus it makes itself obsolete…
I don’t think there’s any sort of taboo, really. Personally, it’s never seemed to me that there was much to say about it that wasn’t universally obvious. (“I’m lonely.” “Me too.” “Sucks, don’t it?” “Yup.” “…” “So how about last week’s Buffy?”)
Googling for “loneliness support” provides umpty hits. A really large number of them are links to various iterations of FAQs for a couple Usenet groups, with some religious-ax-grinding sprinkled in between them. Of the non-Usenet fare, this seemed most useful on a quick skim:
Gee, I’ve met lonely people online, thought not in a group or chat room specifically for loneliness. I also see a lot of people say they are lonely in depression chats/groups, if that helps.
I have seen threads here about it, although not lately.
Internalize it? Maybe… I didn’t think my post was that philosophical but shrugs
There are a lot of lonely people online but it relieves some of it just to hang out in chats and blather on about their interests. I know I get lonely fairly often myself but I don’t blather on about it online except in my Melo journal and to some people I chat to fairly often over messengers.
Like Drastic posted up there are communities out there to help… I just never felt the need to search them out for myself as I find other ways to relieve loneliness. Such as through chat and this place. Gives me some kind of connection with people, some of which I consider true friends even if we haven’t met face to face.
“Wallowing” in anything is kind of a downer generally and tends to try people’s patience unless you are specific about what you are lonely for. Female kibbitzing and socializing, male cuddling, dinner and discussion, an SO, a husband, a family, a puppy, a good hard boinking … what? Being “alone” is kind of an amorphous thing. To have a useful discussion in real life or on the board you really need to define your terms.
Loneliness is viewed by some as a sign of weakness - and therefore something many people do not wish to display to the outside world.
An unwillingness to burden other people with your own negativity - you do not wish to “spoil other peoples fun”.
Loneliness is often unique for each individual - it is the result of some very personal and sometimes embarrasing events/actions/circumstances - which again you may not wish to reveal to others.
You may be lonely for reasons that would appear very trivial and easily solveable to others but which aren’t for you. You do not wish to “open your heart” only to recieve replies along the lines of “oh thats EASY to deal with” or “you find THAT a problem?? Don’t be such a wuss!!” etc.
Kung fu lola I am assuming you just feel lonely and lost. I don’t know of any websites to direct you toward, but perhaps if you could try to express to us in more detail what you’re feeling we could be of help.
It sucks to feel alone and I would really like to help.
Thank you, Drastic. I feel like digging a hole, plunging into it and pulling it in after me; obviously my search terms were all wrong. How mortifying.
garius; thank you. Your post really clarified my thoughts.
Igloo, you are a sweetheart, but I don’t want to waste any space on the board with things that will bore and frustrate the fabulous and scintillating posters here. Is it ok if I email you with the gory details?
You can email me, but I promise you, a better solution is to post in more detail. I have wasted space on this message board and been enormously surprised at the support I received. You have us for a resource, and you would be amazed at what collective thoughts and perspectives can offer. Hang in there.
Kung fu lola - again, if you feel the need to talk to someone then please email me. More often than not i suffer from the loneliness thing so i kinda understand and i’m always happy to listen.
I hear what you’re feeling kung fu lola, and have often wished that I could flip the switch and shut the lights off. So long as there is someone who will hear your voice and listen in a loving fashion, you are not alone. FFT email if you’d like. Be well.
