I’m committed to being someone ALL the time. 
I don’t just use the word RSVP; my invitations are explicit - “Please let me know if you are coming or not by Wednesday so I can book the reservation at the restaurant.” I still don’t get responses from people or they show up on the day of without having responded. I don’t think I can make it any clearer.
I used to take a perverse pleasure in responding with regrets whenever my university sent out a notice of some small event with “RSVP” to all 35,000 people on campus. You’re a university, for goodness’ sake: you should know the difference between “please call to reserve a spot” and “RSVP.” I stopped doing it because I got tired of explaining, and of course I always came across looking like an ass.
(Of course, I was being a pedantic ass: hey, I was young.)
I’m curious about this. Who is enforcing this requirement? Does your child(ren) attend a private school? Is it mandated for the self-esteem of the children who wouldn’t otherwise be invited?
I think the one thing that makes me stabbier than people who show up without RSVPing are people who confirm then never show. I have a few friends who do this all the time and it drives me batshit.
Seriously, if you’re not going to come, tell me. I’d rather call off the barbecue and do it another time instead of buying $50 worth of food and $25 worth of beer, then half the expected people show up.
**Why don’t people RSVP? **
I’ll have to get back to you about that.
That’s a good way to get on my, “Never invite this person to anything again” list. Tell me you can’t make it if you can’t make it - my feelings won’t be hurt.
Well, yes, but ‘more food than the twenty people I invited’ can be significantly more expensive and labour-intensive than ‘more food than the ten people who are actually showing up to eat’. Not to mention taking up more space in my fridge.
In my kids’ elementary school, invitations given out in school must go to the whole class , and it’s enforced by the teacher - who may be the person actually distributing the invitations. It’s not mandated for the children’s self esteem - it’s simple politeness. It would be rude for me to walk into a room with a number of my coworkers and give only some of them a party invitation and it’s likewise rude to walk into a classroom and give only some of the children invitations. It’s not a rule that the entire class must be invited - parents are free to email invitations, or make phone calls, etc if they don’t want to invite the whole class.
People assume that responding means they have to come, and a lot of people do not want to have something planned that far in advance.
Another thing is that people do not like telling people no. As mentioned, you see it on Facebook. To tell you they aren’t coming, they feel they have to lie to you and make up an excuse. It takes time out of their day to call you and tell you they aren’t coming, when, in their mind, if they don’t tell you they are coming, you shouldn’t be doing anything for them anyways, so it doesn’t hurt anyone not to say anything.
In fact, I suggest taking them up on it. If they don’t tell you they are coming, they don’t get planned for. And if they do show up, be gracious, but say you don’t have enough <blank> because they didn’t respond, and that, while they can stay, they’ll have to provide their own.
Oh, and one more thing: there’s also the propensity to not read anything you don’t have to. So some people aren’t even going to read your plea for them to respond anyways. They see the invitation, know they aren’t going, and just throw it away.
The old party culture is fading away–just like the idea that you must pay for your guests if you invite them.
Poor sweet babies. I guess I’ll just save them the trouble of all of those horrid, backbreaking chores by not inviting them to anything ever again. God forbid they should have to communicate with their friends. How thoughtless of me.
You win for best response 
I don’t condone not RSVPing, but I think some people are taking this too far. Are you really going to complain about extra food? :rolleyes: Maybe the local homeless shelter can take all that useless food away that’s taking up all that room in your fridge.
Well, if you like giving up friends because they don’t follow antiquated customs, I guess that’s your choice. The method I outlined works a lot better. It makes them feel guilty for not responding, rather than making it seem like you are a bad person for not inviting them.
These two have it, particularly the second. I try not to be a jerk, but it honestly never occurred to me until I was in college that I should write thank-you notes for gifits, as no on in my extended family ever suggested such a thing. I imagine the lack of RSVPing is similar.
Around here the homeless shelters & soup kitchens only accept donations of packeged food products (& I think produce), not already prepared food. So for example if you made large amounts of pasta salad and want to donate the leftovers they’ll decline. If you have extra (& unopened) boxes of pasta, dressing, etc they’ll gladly take those. Or bags of frozen raw chicken wings & bottles of sauce, but not prepared chicken wings.
I think it’s what Agent Foxtrot said, mostly laziness. But there is also the case of people not wanting to commit too far in advance in case something “better” comes along. Often that’s perfectly justifiable. Suppose a friend invites me to a birthday party and I say that I’ll be there. Then a week later my brother calls me to say that my niece’s important piano recital has been rescheduled and is at the same time as the party. Sorry, but my niece is more important to me than this friend happens to be. Would it be ruder to RSVP early and cancel, or wait until the last minute to RSVP?
I don’t mind people not RSVPing, unless it’s an event where people charge so much per head. What really gets me is the more common occurrence of people saying they will attend, and then not showing up. Of course if you just died that’s a valid excuse. But too many people just make up bad excuses. e.g. My wife’s friend from Mom’s club who said she would be bringing her son to my son’s birthday party, then calls to say her son is sick, and later on posts on Facebook about the fun she had with her son at a pool party.
I have a different attitude for Facebook invitations. I belong to several Facebook groups where non-profit try to organize events. By default I say Yes or Maybe, and only reply No if I am 100% sure I will not be there. I think of it as doing my little bit to help the event. I figure if people look at the event invitation and see a whole bunch of Nos they will figure that the event is not worth going to.
I’m a jerk. I’ll RSVP if I’m going to attend, but if I’m not going to attend, then I won’t respond unless the host has made it easy, like providing a self-addressed stamped envelope, or an email where I can just hit Reply and say “Sorry, etc.”. I don’t want to be put in a situation where I have to explain why I’m not attending, which is what always happens when invitations are declined, by phone or in person.
Theres a person Im thinking of who gets upset when people dont come to her functions. As in ‘why not’ 6 year old upset.
She doesnt get a lot of RSVP type replies. So sometimes its how people have handled cant attends in the past and a bit of cowardice combined.
Otara
A lot of people simply don’t plan their lives very far in advance.
Consider this: if you sent me an invitation to a party that you’re planning to have five years from now, I’m probably not going to RSVP for it anytime soon. How can I possibly know what I’m going to be doing then? I might be living on the other side of the country by then. We might have fallen out. I might be dead. Even if you asked me to respond by next week, I don’t feel like I could in good conscience give you a yes or a no, so I probably wouldn’t respond at all.
For a surprising number of people, that’s how they feel about next weekend.
Most of my friends are parents of young children, and they seem hesitant to RSVP for parties because they are afraid their kids with thwart their plans somehow–sitter backs out, kid gets sick, etc. I think they expect that I, as a non-parent, won’t understand (even though I do, unless it happens every single time in which case I strongly suspect it’s bullshit).
Oddly, I’ve found that when I throw a party and make it a Facebook event, I can add up the “Yes” and half of the “Maybe” replies and get a pretty accurate estimate of how many people will show up. It won’t be the same people (or even close), but the number is right.
As for weddings, out in the sticks where I grew up (and where I live now, to a slightly lesser extent) formal weddings with full meals and solid guest lists were almost unheard of. Weddings are usually held in the church with a reception in the church’s fellowship hall, with appetizers and such. Invitations are sent out, but one is also usually published in the local paper. Even non-church weddings were extremely informal affairs with a self-catered buffet at best. I went to dozens of weddings as a teenager (I played piano at them) and I was well into adulthood before I attended one where an RSVP would have mattered. As such, I’m sure I committed a few social fouls before I understood how important it was.
I should note that none of these things is a valid excuse, and people who don’t RSVP piss me off to no end.
To a certain extent , I can understand not wanting to commit to attending because “anything can happen” between now and the event- even if the event is next weekend. What I don’t really understand is being unwilling to commit to not attending. If someone invites me to a party five years from now, and wants a response by next week they’ll get a response - “I regret that I will be unable to attend”. (enough of those and they’ll figure out that invitations shouldn’t be sent five years in advance). If the invitation is for next weekend and I don’t want to commit to attending for whatever reason,my response is that I won’t be attending. If the response is due for a June event before I know which day my child is graduating,my response is I won’t be attending. Whether it’s intentional or not, people who won’t commit either way leave the impression that they want the option to attend if nothing better comes up.
What do you do when you find out that you child is graduating on a different day and it turns out that you could attend? Do you tell the person you’ve changed your mind? Or do you still skip the event?