Like that there Texas fella from above, I was taught (in Michigan) that R.S.V.P. means that you only respond if you’re coming; the default is that you’re not. Of course out of common courtesy we often respond in the negative, but the negative is always assumed.
I don’t tell them I’ve changed my mind. Depending on how close I am to the person , I may have explained that I am declining because of the possibility of a conflict .The host may then extend the response date or tell me to just show up if I can, as I did when my cousin declined my wedding invitation because it was near her due date. But unless something like that happens, I don’t attend. It’s the host’s option to extend the response date, not mine.
RSVPing is NOT an “antiquated custom”.
And it depends on what kind of event you’re talking about. Showing up to someone’s wedding when you didn’t even bother letting them know you were coming? Hell no would I tell them they could stay!
If someone’s that inconsiderate, then screw them – I don’t need them as a friend. That’s not a “friend”, that’s letting someone use you as a doormat.
Why does you having an event mean** I** have to respond if I am not attending? RSVP is silly.
Now sure, if dudes are going to come, then yes, you have every right to expect a response. But why the hell do I have to respond if I am NOT going?
Because without any reply I don’t know if you got the invitation or if the response got lost in the mail back to me. It’s a loose end that when you’re planning an event, especially one where you pay per person and organize seating, makes you worry you missed someone.
But then you know they are not coming, even if the invite got lost in the mail. Not RSVPing is not rude. But- showing up without having responded- is rude.
I’m getting the impression from this thread that we have a lot of people here who haven’t been responsible for planning and/or paying for group events. Social events don’t just happen - someone is making the effort and taking the time and spending the money to make them happen, and you can’t pick up a phone or send an email to say if you’re coming or not?
ETA: Forgot to add, a perfectly valid response to an invitation is, “I’m sorry, I can’t make it that day.” Anyone probing beyond that is getting rude.
But if I invited you I’d like you to be there, or you might be hurt to not get an invite to a particular event, so a lost invitation is not consequence free.
The reality is that of someone doesn’t reply, one way or another, I end up following up with an email/call etc, so I can be certain your “yes” didn’t get lost in the mail or the invite actually made it to you.
Finally, an invitation is a social extending of the hand. If someone likes you enough to want you at some event why not reply out of appreciation of their reaching out to you? If someone invites you to something in person would you speak for yes and stand silent for no? Why does the effort of a written invite deserve less acknowledgement?
Because we’re living in a society here, and that means inconveniencing yourself in small ways to make other people’s lives easier, the same way you’d want them to inconvenience themselves to make yours easier.
Why does someone else deciding to have kids mean I have to pay school taxes to educate the critters? Why does someone else stepping out in front of my car mean I have to hit my brakes and interrupt my commute? Why does someone else collapsing at the grocery store mean I have to haul out my phone and call 911? Why does someone else choosing to carry a bunch of packages mean I have to hold the door for them?
Okay, all those things except the taxes are in fact optional. You don’t HAVE to do any of them. But if you don’t people are going to think you’re an asshole, because–say it with me–we’re living in a society.
In my experience the number of “Yes” replies usually matches the number of people who come (but as you say, it’s not the same people).
The “Maybe” answer is obnoxious as hell. I really wish it wasn’t an option.
In my social circle most people just don’t reply rather than saying no.
I am really going to complain about all the extra food that I budgeted for, lugged home, prepared, and now have to find storage for until I can either stuff it down the throat of my unsuspecting family who did not want to eat hors d’oeuvres three meals a day for the next three days, or find a homeless shelter that will accept home-made veggie platters and devilled eggs which I will then need to package for transport and make however many trips on the bus or in a cab to drop it off.
You’re damn right I’ll complain.
I admit that I’m one of those folks who would only RSVP if I were planning on attending. The exceptions would be: (a) a mailed invitation that includes a SASE and a card with checkboxes indicating “will attend”/“will not attend”, and (b) an email that specifically says “let me know if you are not planning to attend”.
Otherwise, you can try calling me up and asking me if I’m going to attend, if you’re really in doubt. But from my experience, not RSVPing almost always means “I won’t attend”.
For crying out loud people, the definition of RSVP is tell me whether you are coming or NOT.
Just because you are wimpy and don’t want to say no, you are being a pain in the organizers butt.
Put on your big girl (or boy) pants and tell them you are not coming.
Jeez!
I guess I don’t understand the rationale to not respond. Sure, maybe you don’t think you have to, but if the offset is that you save the person who was interested in you enough to invite you a bit of work or angst, why not?
All things being equal, why not be more courteous than maybe you need to be, than less?
What about the invites with an RSVP where they already know you are not going to attend?
I get wedding invitations from people getting married whom I have never met in my life - kids of distant friends - being married in states that are thousands of miles away. These are essentially disguised requests to send money or gifts. I don’t know who you are, let alone plan on dropping tons of money to fly to godknowswhere for some wedding. Surprise - my answer is NO and I am pissed you are hitting me up, expecting me to plop some cash in an envelope when I wouldn’t know you if you stepped on my foot in the local Walmart.
If someone sends me a “real” invite, where there might be a chance in hell I would attend, I of course respond.
Exactly. Of course, if you text me and ask if I’ll be there, I’ll text back and tell you. If you don’t have my number, I’m not coming. This is 2011, written invitations expecting a written response are, weddings excepted, ridiculous.
In other words, if I don’t RSVP, you’re just not that important to me.
I got a wedding invitation from a friend of my sister’s who lives in KS (I live in NC -so too far to travel). My sister died in 2005, and I realize she may be just trying to reach out for gifts. I know she was convinced I was rich. Or she could just be trying to keep in touch and honor my sister’s memory.
Either way I’ll still RSVP. Just to say congratulations and decline.
In other words they weren’t raised properly. It’s very inconsiderate towards the planner and a pox on people who hold out for “better opportunities”. My calendar works on a first come first served basis. If I get a second request that is REALLY that important, the kind where if I cancel the other person will understand, then I can cross that bridge when I get there.
In my world, people still RSVP for potlucks and dinners and house parties too. I’ve been to one of these where people said they’d be there as well as others who didn’t RSVP left the host guessing and ultimately wasting ALOT of CASH on food and drink. Be polite, be considerate, take a second to give a reply and if you say you’re going to be there, show up. Don’t be a cad.
You mean to tell us you’re this far into the thread and you still don’t know that RSVP means “let me know if you are not planning to attend???”
If you folks are sending out RSVPs and you think the reason you often don’t get proper replies back from many invited guests is because some don’t think an RSVP requires a response if they arent coming the solution is simple. Quit fracking around with this high falutin RSVP crap and just TELL them in plain language that they NEED to tell you either way. Its not rocket science.
That or get classier people to invite to your shindigs.