why don't they just ____? comic book thread

admit it, you have read a comic book and saw someone with a power, and everytime they get in a fight you just have to think “why don’t they just ____”?

post some…

Why don’t the villians sell their superhuman abilities and/or ultra-advanced weaponry to the highest bidder instead of robbing banks?

Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.

why doesn’t every superhero just copy spiderman’s webshooters they aren’t part of his spider powers he just made them?

why doesn’t nightcrawler just teleport people way into the air and drop them?

why doesn’t superman use his heat rays and cold breath for like… everything?

why doesn’t cyclops just shoot his beams untill they run out and then stay out of the sun so they don’t recharge so he doesn’t have to wear stupid glasses all the time?

why doesn’t batman buy a gun?

Batman should get a gun and cap the Joker. There is no convincing reason for him not to.

Superman should go on a mad rampage, like Namor used to do all the time in the 40s.

As I type this, it occurs to me that in their original appearances, Batman was packing heat and Superman was a villain (Pre-comics, Siegel and Schuster pitched the character as a bad guy to the pulps). These original conceptions are worth another look.

The thing that bugs me about Batman and Supes is the whole “No no I won’t kill” thing. Now, respect for life, sure…that’s part of what makes them who they are.
But in recent series that pitted both of them against ALIENS (from the Alien movie, that is, the big things with lots of teeth) they refused to kill them…que??? These things are basically incredibly dangerous cockroaches and Bats and Supes won’t kill them???

Probably because most people wouldn’t be able to figure out how he made them, and those who’re smart enough to do so are smart enough to make better stuff.

Besides, why would they want to?


He could (and I believe has), but first, he’s a good guy, and second, teleporting someone else with him (not to mention the multiple quick 'ports it’d take to go up high enough then back down again) takes so much out of him that he’d probably be a sitting duck for his victim’s colleagues or any random anti-mutant bigot that happened to be in the area.


Where’d you get the idea that his powers had anything whatsoever to do with the sun? The beams are on ALL THE TIME NO MATTER WHAT. The Marvel explanation for where the beams come from, which I read long long ago (so I dunno if it applies anymore) was kinda lame, tho’.


He did, and he almost went to jail for life for murder because of it! It’s because his parents were killed by a gun, y’know. When one’s parents are shot to death before your eyes as a child, that kind of thing tends to make an impression, I hear.

As for Batman’s, er, relationship with the Joker, The Killing Joke goes into this some, but I hear there’s a storyline going on that’ll really address the very question of why the Joker is still alive after crippling Barbara Gordon and murdering Sarah Gordon…

(Though we’ve already seen, tho’ Batman has no clue of this, that the best way to erase the Joker from existence is for Batman himself to die at his hands!)

I think cyclop’s powers are sun powered… when he was in the sewers with the morlocks too long they got really weak from lack of sun.

Why doesn’t Dagwood’s mailman stay off the porch?
And why doesn’t Dagwood lock the bathroom door from the neighbor kid?

'Cause he’s got a special delivery for Blondie.

Why don’t people recognize Clark Kent? The glasses?

Whyever it is (think about it - the idea of having even a different hairstyle between Clark and Superman is relatively recent), I’m just glad it’s not the dumb one they proposed in the pre-Crisis Superman…

(Hijack: I admit that pre-Crisis Superman was nifty and all, but there are SO many reasons why I think it doesn’t deserve the worship I’ve seen from some circles…)

Why don’t the villians try something different against the superhero instead of the same fights/plot lines over the last 50 years.

I’ve always wondered why Superman doesn’t just look someone in the eyes and zeeeeeeeeee twin heat beams straight through the back of their head!

Sorry, I meant that to be a question but it turned into a rant. :slight_smile:

I have been writing superhero fanfic for a WHILE now and I have speculated a few things, that, if I ever decide to try this professionally, there are things I’d like to address. There are far too few superhero creators that do this.

Speaking specifically of superPOWERS, however, the one who pisses me off most is Superman. He has NO FIGHTING SKILLS WHATSOEVER that make more efficient use of his power levels. As Jeph Leob stated at the start of his Superman run, via Monguls’ lessons – he needs to ROUTINELY use two, three, four superpowers in combination. Microscopic X-ray targeting of his heat vision. Superspeed flight deliberately causing sonic booms. Trash talking and making threats to his opponents using a whispering superventriloquism. Using a flurry of super-strong punches, kicks and eye-gouges targeting other super-strong characters’ pressure-points, sensory organs and joints.

What the heck IS “superventriloquism,” anyway? The ability to not make your lips move even more than mere mortals while you talk?

And anyway, it’s a shame that the character of Superman is so darn unlikely… But I guess that’s what fantasy is all about, huh?

Damn, those Kents must’ve been awesome parents… (But they were even more awesome in the pre-Crisis version, where they not only had to deal with a kid who had awesome powers from his toddlerhood, but left their son behind before he was eighteen! WOW!!!)

If I may ask…how exactly does one go about battling the Aliens WITHOUT killing them?

…And I might note that Superman didn’t show any squeamishness in killing “Terminator” androids in that crossover, and each one of those guys was arguably much more sentient than the Aliens. 'Just another example of blatant anti-machine bias in the media. :mad:

And, btw, I do remember seeing a documentary featuring a panel from a VERY early Batman comic (Like, “Quickly, to the BatHorses!” early. The first issue or two.) where Batman was brandishing a gun. It was soon after that the creators decided that gunplay didn’t really “fit” with Batman’s character. :rolleyes:

Makes me wonder, though…what would happen if SUPERMAN had a bad day, said “Aw, screw it.” and just tore the Joker in half like a phonebook, in public view. What are you going to do, run to a police station and say “Superman just killed a psychotic mass-murderer! You’d better go arrest him!”

Or even better…what if he accidentally killed the Joker, and felt bad about it, but everyone else assumed he did it on purpose…and didn’t really mind, and giving him knowing “winks” and pats on the back?

“Good job on the Joker, Kal!”
“It was an accident!”
:Chuckling: “Suuuure it was. Just keeping things simple for the AAR, eh? Heh-heh-heh…”

My own “why don’t they”…since super powered individuals are so commonplace in the comic Universes, how come noone’s ever puts their powers to use for something BESIDES Villainy or Crime-Fighting? Like Civil Engineering, perhaps? Or helping to develop third-world-countries? (Chlorophyll Kid, I’m looking at YOU here!) Or even the Entertainment Industry (“Tonight on Circus of the Stars: Gallager, Whitney Houston, and Showoff Man, who will eat, then regurgitate, all of Mount McKinley in under three minutes.”)

And, for that matter, with so many superheroes running around, why isn’t the crime rate noticibly lower than in the Real World?

Batman doesn’t kill because he is afraid that if he started killing, he wouldn’t stop. His parents were killed by criminals, his partner was killed, another friend was crippled, and much more. If he started killing, the bodies of criminals would litter the streets of the world. Eventually other superheroes would have to stop Batman.

Zatanna, the sexy female magician who wears fishnet stockings and says her magic words backwards, is often portrayed as a Vegas-style magical entertainer. Being a superheroine is a secondary concern for her.

And Mister Miracle, the universe’s greatest escape artist, was a carnival showman when he first came to Earth, and has taken breaks from superheroing to go on performance tours.

(They just came to mind because I like those characters.)