It’s purely a matter of perception. “Oriental”, as far as I can see, is actually a slightly more useful term than “Asian”, beacause at least it indicates a direction. Asia is a huge continent, and it’s got Arabs, Persians, Indians, Turks, Central Asians, Han Chinese, Southeast Asians, Mongols, Siberians, etc., etc. How does “Asian” become the preferred term, when it’s useless from a conceptual standpoint? Well, because back in the day when “Oriental” was in common use, so was gook, chink, slope, Jap, dink, yellow bastard, etc. It was probably the most polite term available in common parlance, but those weren’t polite times. As a holdover from a bigoted era, it’s associated with that bigotry, and has been lumped in with the other insulting epithets.
My maternal grandfather was truly a piece of work. At his core, he was a good man, but sometimes his behavior was appalling. I remember vividly a short jaunt to a worksite I took with him as a little kid (he was a contractor in a relatively rural part of Maine, and it was circa 1976):
“Steve you Polack son-of-a-bitch, what the hell are you doing up there on my house?”
“I’m finishing up the goddamn roof, you fuckin’ Frog, and on a Saturday, too! Don’t want the rain comin’ in when all those fuckin’ drywallers come down from Quebec! Weatherman said thunderstorms tomorrow.”
After this exchange, they laughed a bit then had a perfectly cordial, reasonable conversation, settled up whatever matters needed to be settled, and my grandfather and I drove on. I remember distinctly asking my grandfather “Pepe, are you and that man angry at each other?” “Angry? Jesus Christ, no! He’s saving me a lot of money working today, and I really owe him…I don’t give a shit what people say about the Polacks, they’ve always done good work for me, and they work hard. Christ, the only reason I bring those guys down from Quebec to do the drywalling is because they’re so cheap. I’d hire all Polacks if I could.”
Well, it’s not the 70s anymore, and even then my grandfather would have gotten horrified looks if he spoke that way out of the company of friends who knew him. Intent means nothing. It’s what you say, not what you mean. Whatever the PC police tell you to use, just use. Making sense of it is beside the point. The polite thing to say is what society dictates, and that’s all that matters.