WordMan, I think we should also remember that some people can “pull this off”.
Forgive me, I’m so sorry to sound as corny as I am about to, but I do believe the kids call it “swag”.
When I was a kid, we called it ‘steeze’. A certain cockiness, boldly pulled off, can work, in real life for a lot of people. So, yeah, for message boards too, I reckon.
SD is known for braggarts, really. It’s just that it happen less with “I’m a perfect ten” and more with, “I read ten books between my birth and the time the doctor smacked my ass.”
So she’s a normal, typical, flawed human being just like the rest of us who happens to be cute, and that cuteness is occasionally pertinent to the conversation. I don’t begrudge her the cuteness or the self-awareness of same. She knows what the mirror shows, what her photo looks like, and how real life people perceive her personal attractiveness. It’s not her fault she’s cute or aware that some people find her appealing. At least she’s willing to offer her photos up for scrutiny, which is more than most of us are willing to subject ourselves to.
It also derails the normal conversation whenever it comes up. Given that this pretty much always happens, why would someone go out of their way to mention that they’re terrific unless it’s really, really relevant to the topic at hand? Putting aside the question of whether or not it’s “wrong”, it’s hard to deny that it’s a socially maladaptive behavior pattern. I mean, look at pannacione. Does it really seem like his affirmations are doing him any good?
I don’t have a tv, I don’t know famous people, I don’t listen to anything but classical music, I’ve read the Bible 35 times, I can speak five languages…
Eh, I got nuthin’.
Wait… I’m not afraid of bugs. So I’ve got that goin’ for me. Which is nice…
In real life I get along with others very well. Especially other women, which can be a tricky thing. I never hear second-hand that someone dislikes me who I do not myself strongly dislike, and I very rarely have conflict or drama at work, and never with my friends.
I do have a reputation for being blunt, but I somehow manage to keep from offending people most of the time. I also am not a very social or talkative person, so that helps.
If you know me in real life, what I look like (and the fact that it is almost entirely natural/genetic) does not require any explanation. I am very open with my problems, and very sympathetic to those of others, so I probably give an (undeserved) impression of humility.
That’s fine. My mom says she loves me everyday. My friends still call me. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve learned from them. At the end of the day, my life is good. I’m not ashamed to say it either.
But when you make that assessment don’t be shocked when others don’t agree with you. Or react negatively towards your assessment. You are the one who asked why you get a certain reaction on this board. You don’t have to like the answer.
Yeah right. Very funny. I never heard of the term until I read parts of those abominations of threads on the subject. No thanks not my style.
That is pretty much what I was trying to say but you said it better.
The confusing thing for me is that you don’t disagree with my assessment (I’m cute enough that no one ever thinks I’m ugly, and I’m naturally thin, which is something I have no control over and has had a big effect on my life) and yet you still have a very negative reaction to me bringing up the way I look at all, even in response to threads and comments which are directly about the way people look or the effect that the way we look has on our lives. ETA: Upon reviewing my post history I don’t think I’ve mentioned it out of the blue.
I must have missed something cause I have no idea what you guys are talking about.
Maybe I’m just playing word games but to me saying “I’m a beautiful person” is much different than “I’m beautiful”. I’ve known many beautiful people who wouldn’t exactly be on the cover of a magazine. Or be given a second glance by those who don’t know them. But if you say “I’m beautiful” and don’t look like Grace Kelly there will be some scoffing. I’m an 11 on the inside but I’m no Channing Tatum (is that the current paragon of male beauty?) so I’m not going to say I’m beautiful.
Then maybe you are not very good at communicating because if you put it that way I wouldn’t have thought twice. I’m on my phone so searching is out but I do remember seeing things you wrote that sounded like bragging about your looks. If that was not your intention than maybe you should look at how you are coming across. I have never responded negatively to you and I never would but you asked the question. The fact that others have reacted negatively to you may mean that you are not coming across the way you want to.
Great people are both humble and have an innocent arrogance about them.
They will admit when they aren’t the best at something. But they aren’t afraid to volunteer themselves as the “best” when the situation calls for it.
As I’ve matured, I learned that a certain “fuck you” attitude is needed to maintain the ego’s health. Don’t delude yourself into believing no one thinks you’re stupid/ugly/weird/mean/fat/skinny/pathetic whatever. Your mama is wrong when she says everyone loves you, and if world-wide acceptance is what you need to be comfortable with yourself, then you shall be waiting forever. Nope, there’s always gonna be some hate in the room. You can either let this reality bother you, or you can sashay into the room like a seven foot tall drag queen in stiletto heels, daring anyone to say shit to you. Fuck them if they’re insecure in your presence.
Still, there’s no sense fighting the reality that it takes finesse to pull off innocent arrogance. You either have it or you don’t.
The rule I use is if no one is asking for a self-assessment, then it’s probably not going to be wanted. In either direction. No one wants to hear yet another sad sack story about how ugly/fat/stupid/poor a person is. And no one wants to hear how beautiful/thin/smart a person is either. Both are indicative of a certain self-centeredness, and we are socialized to treat this as a bad thing.
She is referring to past threads I have started. She, and some others on this forum have something against me and like to bring up past threads of mine where I looked for help with personal issues that I was going through and couldn’t really talk to about with people in real life. She, and the others, do this in an attempt to disparage my character and anything I have to say.
She, on the other hand, has never started a thread of her own.
I still don’t think we’re on the same page. I’m saying that it’s quite alright to say, “I’m a beatiful fucking person” or even, “I’m fucking beautiful” even if your not by anybody else’s standards. It simply does not matter to me what other people think when it comes to things like looks.
Interesting - sounds like you have fewer issues with perceived bragginess IRL, and yet you describe an anonymous message board as a place you expect to speak more plainly. I am not trying to point that out in some ironic, arch way - I think there is something interesting there, but I’m not sure what…
It may not matter in the touchy-feely Kumbaya way, but if the topic of discussion involves other people’s treatment of you, then yes, whether you are viewed as objectively attractive matters. You can feel like a superstar but unless you are perceived as one, you won’t be treated that way and won’t be able to give any insight on what it’s like to have that status in society.
I do value your perspective on this, and my ‘this is the internet, fuck it’ attitude is tempered by the fact that there are a lot of people here that I like and respect, and I don’t want to make anyone I like feel worse about personal issues, or like I’m crowing over some sort of superiority to them, when I can just shut up.
I added personal details in that post as a qualifier because I think that thinking of your weight and looks as an achievement, where if you just work hard enough you can look like x, y, z and the reason you look like a, b, c is because you don’t work hard enough (or because you’re lazy, greedy, or other negative self-perceptions) - is both untrue, and toxic.
But obviously that’s not what you got from it, and I think I should never have posted a comment like that in a thread as sensitive as that one is.
Because you sound like a jackass talking about how beautiful you think you are. Even if it were true, it’s not like you actually DID anything to get that way! It’s like people who pat themselves on the back for being tall.
And let me say, as someone who has commented on more than one occasion on rhubarbarian’s gratuitous self-indulgent posts, I’ve never been offended or pissed off by what she’s had to say. Not in the least. Just mildly annoyed. I mean, when I hear (or see) the name of the OP, the only things I think of are that she doesn’t eat carbs and she thinks she’s quite the looker. That’s it. She seems to feel the need to insert these factoids into discussions that hold no (or very little) relevancy to her remarks. That’s not to say she’s never said them in appropriate threads, I’m very sure she has, just that she says it everywhere else too.
