Bragging about anything, including your looks, is a major indicator of insecurity (even if it seems to be the opposite).
Humble-ness interests me as a concept, because I don’t personally value it or attempt it. I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings, but also have a knee-jerk response that others are being hypersensitive and should get the hell over it, when they read offensive subtext into simple statements about my self-assessment or personal opinions on various matters. I don’t feel that other people’s opinions have much to do with me.
One of the reasons I so enjoy internet forums is the vast diversity of opinions and life experience, and the opportunity to discuss and learn about those things on a personal basis. Every aspect of someone, physical traits included, has an effect on who they are, how they think about things, and what they’ve experienced in life. I don’t see why those of us with who were born rich, or have summa cum laude PhDs, or 5 genius children, or amazing boobs, or vacation homes in Cyprus, should be expected to be less honest about the basic realities of our lives than those of us who were abused as kids, have organ failure, suffer from mental illness, are unsuccessful at forming lasting romantic relationships, or are going through bankruptcy. All of it, good and bad, is relevant to who we are and what we post here.
The word for the quality or concept is “humility,” not “humble-ness.”
I would’ve never bring this up on my own. I refrained from commenting earlier. I would never comment on anyone’s looks out of the blue but you are the one who keeps bringing it up. The reason is that you bring up your attractiveness as one of the “basic realities” of your life. But you have posted your picture. You are reasonably attractive. I would even say you could be called pretty. But nothing remarkable. In a half hour I’ll be at the gym and see at least a dozen more attractive women than you. If I looked at the picture thread and saw your picture I would briefly note you ain’t half bad. If I knew you in real life I’m sure I’d think you were pretty. But if I see a post in which you mention your attractiveness and I go to the picture thread you get a raised eyebrow. Sorry that’s just the way I see it and I don’t think I’m alone. If someone talks about their own physical attractiveness they better be pushing the 10 side of the scale.
For the record I think I’m a solid 3 but I’ve fooled my girlfriend into thinking I’m an 8. So mileage can vary of course.
A-fucking-men.
Of course it does, and your entire snipe is unnecessary and irrelevant to the OP. **rhubarbian ** got some great answers about sensitivity to others and the dangers of offering herself up for scrutiny, which you proved, didn’t you?
Look, I find Christina Hendricks too short, too plump, and possessing of the most offputting smirk. She, too, seems quite convinced of her beauty, and she’s correct; my singular opinion is worthless to the legions of men who would knock me down to get to her. And were I to meet Hendricks, I’d have zero reason to inform her that I’m not attracted to her. What exactly do you hope to accomplish by insulting the OP?
I can’t believe you are serious. Just because there are people out there who are prettier, smarter, stronger, richer, nicer, have more amazing boobs, or are better at playing the violin, doesn’t mean you can’t compare your boobs or violin-playing to the average (other people’s comments and reactions to you/your looks/your talents being key) and assess that you fall above it on a continuum.
I still don’t get this. If you ask someone how they look, I would expect a confident person to tell you “I’m a solid 10.” Why would they say any different? It doesn’t matter if they’re not by anybody else’s standards. It’s all in your own head. They shouldn’t change their answers to fit your standards.
A-fucking men to this too.
Haha, are you *negging *her??
People who think they are perfect or a 10/10 at anything are deluded, in my book.
She’s 5’7’'. I’m surprised you find that to be too short for a woman.
If more people believed this, I think we’d see a lot more pity and a lot less anger and spitefulness directed at those perceived as braggarts.
Well, I agree. It’s mostly just an answer that I would expect from a stupid question such as, “rate yourself on a scale from 0-10.” I’m not saying the person necessarily has to believe what they are saying.
The bigger point is that if you see yourself as a beautiful, smart, kind, intelligent and strong person, then that is all that really matters. You shouldn’t give a damn if people think otherwise or are offended by your confidence. That is their problem.
I don’t think this is true. What you call bragging, I call an affirmation. Again, so what if someone says, outloud, “I’m a beautiful fucking person.” I think that’s great. I think I’d like to be friends with that person.
If others had that kind of confidence, they would likely do the same. Personally, I do not find very many people ugly. I may not be attracted to them physically, but I do not see them as ugly.
What I do find more ugly than anything else is a nasty attitude.
I don’t know…I think many times it really is rooted in insecurity, and I think most times people do read that. Again, with my braggadocios co workers as examples, there was one who was just absolutely over the top with it, and it was a bit pitiful to see everyone kind of humoring him about all his boasting.
But that’s sometimes. Sometimes, you run across someone who is just very direct and doesn’t suffer false modesty gladly. As someone who is almost never offended, I am also fascinated by the way people behave in certain situations. How some seem so easily offended to me and how some seem very hard to offend. Those that seem harder to offend probably are less likely to tip toe to avoid being offensive, because they just don’t look at things the same way that more sensitive people do. It is so hard for people to accept that, yes, we all are really different in how we see things.
I tend to go your way on this one. But I will tell you, as I have gotten older, I have learned that it doesn’t hurt to do a bit of tip toeing when you know you are around someone who is easily offended. I wouldn’t make a habit of it, but I do make exceptions, based on the situation. As a tough cookie, it doesn’t harm me to sometimes avoid offending a softer soul, if it doesn’t cost me anything.
Having a self-image that is realistic is just as important to me as having one that is positive. While objectively I don’t much care what people on the internet think about me, I am very interested in self-improvement and in living a happy life. Without closely examining the feedback, both positive and negative, that you get from others, that is almost impossible.
Even with something as subjective and concrete as looks? Why?
The confusing part, I think, is why someone who is marginally above average at any of those things would constantly call attention to him or herself as though they were so far above average as to be exceedingly unique. It’s either insecurity or obliviousness, but either way it demonstrates a real inability to look at oneself objectively. It can be irritating or it can be sad, or both. It’s never good.
Interesting - I respect all of this conceptually but have seen it typically lead to messiness in practice. If this is your position in real life, how have you found it worked for you? How would you contrast that with a message board? I would assume that on a spectrum, you’d find IRL more sensitive to potential boasting vs online, but it’s not like the issues with confidence/bragginess disappeared on message boards or anything…