Why is it important to be humble?

I skipped two grade levels of Humility in early high school and was placed directly into Advanced Self Deprecation.

That’s how humble I am! :wink:

I think a lot of people fail to make the distinction between pride and arrogance.

Pride is saying, “I’m awesome, beautiful, smart, kind, strong, confident, etc…”

Arrogance is saying, “I’m more awesome, beautiful, smart, kind, strong, confident, etc… than you.”

I see no problem with pride. In fact, I think it’s a desirable quality to have. Arrogance is disrespectful and I detest it. It’s a fine line. Even if what you think you are saying is a simple expression of pride, others may take it as arrogance.

Being humble is basically playing it safe. However, it comes with it’s own pitfalls as the constant bombardment of negativity can affect your attitude if you don’t have proper defense mechanisms. People don’t like negative nancy’s either.

Again, it’s a fine line. But, if I had to pick, I would like to be with someone who is a bit arrogant, than with someone who’s a bit negative. YMMV.

But what if that pride is misplaced? “I’m smart.” No you’re not, I’ve met you, you’re a fucking idiot. When your pride is misplaced I leads to a lot of eye rolling.

True, to an extent. How do you measure someone to be a fucking idiot? There are quite a few Scientists out there who believe in creationism. Are they fucking idiots?

Would you rather that person admit, “you’re right, I’m a fucking idiot?” What are the implications of that?

To put it into context, I’m saying just a tad bit arrogant in favor of a tad bit negative. Neither one is truly reprehensible in my opinion. However, I’ll admit that extremes on opposite ends of the spectrum can both lead to very dangerous individuals.

Well, if that is the thread that promopted this question, I can reply as the person who suggested that there was something off about her comments.

It wasn’t just saying that she can look thin and fit without trying. We all know people who are like that. It was that she posted that in response to someone else posting a link to a blog by someone whose body she admires. Rhubarbarin essentially said, “Well, yeah, go ahead and take her advice, but most people won’t end up looking like her no matter how hard they try. I, however, look like her without trying.”

It’s not an issue of humility versus no humility. It was the tone deafness to the person who originally posted the link and mentioned feeling motivated to take some of the advice given. There truly was an undercurrent of, “you probably won’t ever have what I have.”

In every person’s life, sooner or later, no matter how amazing - an event will come along that will humble you. It doesn’t matter who you are. Maybe it will just be making a stupid mistake. Maybe you will get old and need help walking. Maybe you will trust the wrong person and he will blow up your beautiful life. Maybe a tornado will kill your family. Whatever. Fortuna’s wheel turns for everyone. Sooner or later you will be on the bottom.

Might as well get some practice in ahead of time.

This. Also, she’s had quite a history around here of constantly feeling the need to remind us all of how objectively hot she is.

Yeah, but for me, it really wasn’t about “I’m hot” history.

I had meant to multi-quote in my previous post and include:

So, what she posted didn’t reach the level of berating dieters, no, but I’m not the only one who got a “don’t think you’ll get *these *results because you probably won’t” vibe from it.

And, actually, if you don’t have experience with trying to be healthy and fit, then I really don’t want your opinions in a thread devoted to weight loss and fitness (unless it’s an opinion that veers towards support and, yes, I know I can’t always get what I want…). Now, **rhubarbarin **did say in that thread that she is trying to eat well and exercise, so I’m not directing that at her, more at the suggestion above that people who are trying to get fit should expect the opinions of those who aren’t trying in such threads. It wasn’t a “What’s it like to be thin?” thread, after all.

We’ve probably all encountered people with a vastly overinflated opinion of their own looks. We see them constantly on reality shows, and most of us have met them in real life. They tend to range from quite ordinary looking to fairly attractive, but somehow they’ve gotten it into their heads that the common folk must avert their gaze lest they be dazzled by the celestial beauty that the Creator has blessed/cursed them with. These are 5’s and 6’s, maybe 7’s, who are convinced they’re 11’s. Whether they were misinformed by Mommy and Daddy, by their supportive friends, by opportunistic flatterers trying to get into their pants, or by themselves, the end result is the same. They simply know they’re something special apart from the rest, one in a million, and any opinion to the contrary is simply jealousy on the part of the “haters” that the unnaturally beautiful are forced to deal with all their lives.

Personally, I don’t hate them, but I do view them with a mixture of sympathy and annoyance. Okay, mostly annoyance.

But I mean… isn’t she basically right? Is it really a good idea for slews of overweight people to set unrealistic goals? IME if your goals are unrealistic, and you don’t achieve them, you perceive yourself as a failure and quit trying altogether. By drawing our attention to this fact - that this body is not achievable for most people - I think she was trying to help.

I guess this is part of the problem with perceived arrogance - how it is received inevitably comes down to how the perceiver feels about their own particular value in that arena. For some reason pretty much out of the blue, I have recently been able to assess myself pretty honestly as overweight and out of shape without it making me feel bad about myself. I’m guessing for this reason, her comment didn’t bother me - I wasn’t threatened by it and I thought she made a good point. But for people who struggle more with accepting themselves as they are, maybe it comes off in a totally different way.

This is just speculation; I’m not trying to accuse anyone in particular of being insecure, nor am I trying to pretend I’m perfectly confident. I just think that before my weird change of perspective, I would have been more bothered by that comment than I am now. Because in my mind, ‘‘this isn’t realistic’’ may have translated to ‘‘you’ll never be worthy of this.’’

I’ve always been fascinated by arrogant people, and sort of jealous of them, to be honest. Can you imagine now nice it must be to have that high of an opinion of yourself? I think that’s why I hesitate to burst their bubble. There’s something so innocent about it.

I don’t understand this. So what if somebody thinks they are a perfect 10? That doesn’t mean you can’t be one too.

Yeah, I’m with you, here. I am also “a player of the game” if you will. I understand that one must be careful with these things. I used to have a coworker who was known for being the braggart on the floor. I used to cringe so hard for him, because many times, the things he was bragging about were things that many in the room could trump him on with no problem, but were just too classy to ever do so. The second hand embarrassment was half awful, half schadenfreude.

So yes, I agree with you that we should default to not tooting our horns about our looks and money and such. Again, in certain business situations, the game becomes more complex and you have to really learn the game of balance, or get eaten up. But by and large, in social situations, we are in agreement.

Lorene, I didn’t read the thread, but I’m going to go ahead and read it now, because my interest is piqued.

Well, that certainly could be true. A lot of it is probably the lens I see things through and all. I just felt that ‘helpful yet humble’ would have eben acknowledging how difficult it is for most people to achieve something like that, full stop. The part about “and yet, I look like that without even trying” does nothing to add to the advice, IMO. Obviously a lot of this is subjective as well. I fully acknowledge that probably the last area of my life I will ever have any self-acceptance about is my body and my looks. :slight_smile:

You need humility to keep you from overreacting to setbacks. Humility tells you that things may not go smoothly, so you can plan for that, expect it, and be pleasantly surprised should it not transpire - and ready for the extra effort needed when it does.

You don’t need to underestimate yourself to be humble. You need to, instead, be aware that no matter how talented, skilled, or gifted you are in a certain area, your talent, skill or gift may be put to the test at times. If a person is lacking entirely in humility, this can throw off their world view and cause such cognitive dissonance that they declare the thing they’re having trouble with either impossible or worthless to pursue, in order to continue their belief in their own self worth. That removes a lot of possibility from life, and stunts your growth in all kinds of ways.

Humility can keep you from being afraid to fail or traumatized by failure into ceasing to make an effort. Humility and pride can serve this purpose hand in hand, as balancing virtues giving you a more realistic outlook - on the one hand, recognizing your own gifts, talents and skills, and everything you can achieve; and on the other, understanding that those may not be enough to make everything achievable be easy for you.

You’re a ten in my book.

Not always innocence. Sometimes defiance and hard work. Imagine the kind of spirit it takes to have been put down by society, to be the opposite of what society values as beautiful, and to choose to find beauty in yourself regardless, to the point of just flaunting it. I tell people all the time, a beautiful girl may get attention from a million men a day and think nothing of it. An overweight girl may get attention from just one or two really nice, great guys in an entire month, and turn those events into great friendships or relationships or simple little booster shots to their ego.

Then, when you see them strutting around like they think they own the world, some folks feel like they have to knock them back into their place. Eh, just leave em be. Like someone said upthread, it is a bit harder for a gorgeous person to pull off a big ego than it is for a person who one would assume is on the bottom of the totem pole.

Yes, when I get accused of being a dick on the SDMB, it’s because of claims I’ve made about my physical attractiveness or abilities, my natural smarts, or because I’ve stated my opinions on various other matters with too much authority/directness.

Amusingly, I think my ‘tone-deaf’ response linked above was so off because it was an instant, irritated reaction I had to that women’s website. She seemed to be quite arrogant, to me, to take so much credit for bring born small-framed, with small muscles, and the ability to get lean through exercise and eating fairly clean. I know I am absolutely right that only a tiny percentage of women could ever look like that, no matter what they did - but if I’d thought twice I wouldn’t have posted that comment.

I don’t idealize the ultra-thin, ultra-lean, ‘Hollywood ideal’ myself (I weight train with large weights in an effort to get strong and keep my bone mass up, and structure my diet around healthy weight gain), so it’s easy for me to forget that other people do. Also that people attach ideas like superiority or inferiority, or moral fortitude, to physical appearance. Someone thinking that I think I am **better[b\] than them because I have a certain amount of what are considered ‘conventionally attractive’ physical traits, or because I admit I was born looking a certain way… I don’t know. That’s so weird to me that I forget to consider it, often (as is obvious, haha).

So is this really about the importance of being humble, or the importance of thinking twice before you post something that is tone-deaf in its wording? :wink:

I think this is accurate.

Thanks. Too bad I’m a five in real life. My yearbook photo was a question mark with no caption and nobody noticed.