If you don’t care what other people think, why would you announce that you’re beautiful? Also, I get the positive affirmation idea you seemed to be expressing earlier, but I think a healthy dollop of objectivity is important. I mean, if everyone thinks you are a bad person, at the very least wouldn’t you want to do some inner soul searching to see if they’re right, as opposed to shrugging your shoulders and assuming they are wrong, cause you just know you are a great person?
There are a lot of threads where people toot their own horns. Probably 90% of us have remarked about our smarts in some shape or form.
Thing is, it’s hard to evaluate something like intelligence on a message board. If you say something like, “Yeah, I scored in the 99th percentile on my SAT!”, no one is going to ask for a cite. Same with wealth. I could say I make seven figures and no one would really know I’m full of bullshit (though they may think it).
But looks are different. Anyone with two eyes can evaluate someone’s picture and give it a thumbs-up or down. So it takes even more confidence than usual to hype your own attractiveness.
So if you do this, you gotta have thick skin. It seems you have this, rhubarbarian.
But not *too *thick. And not too thin. A very attractive width.
Because sometimes I need a reminder. I’m not without doubts.
Because I’m not a bad person. I’ve done bad things and made mistakes, but the core of me is not bad. When people like to claim such things on here, I feel the need to correct them.
FTR, I’m using the generic “you”, I’m not referring to your specific circumstance. I am curious now though (a general curiosity, I’m not trying to put you on the spot) do you think you are capable of viewing yourself as bad to the core? Do you think the majority of people can? I’m not so sure that people can be that objective (although I do seem to recall reading about a serial killer who had that kind of objective insight, but his name escapes me).
It’s because a lot of people are astonished that you see yourself that way.
After seeing past posts of yours, I had looked at your photos expecting to see an amazing beauty. What I saw, and I don’t mean this in any way to be disparaging, was an average young woman, with bonus points for not being obese. To top it off, you had no idea how to be photographed and were dressed in clothes that looked like they came from the children’s department. There is nothing wrong with that. Most people aren’t dressed in the most flattering way, don’t know how to take the best photo and are a 4 to 7. That’s how it is. Young women get compliments, and the fact that you take them to heart as confirmation of your opinion is alarming. Your idea of the facts is a lot of other peoples idea of someone playing “Mirror Mirror”. It’s triple eye roll time when you bring it up.
There is nothing wrong with how you look. You just aren’t the great beauty you believe yourself to be. You are a nice, normal looking young lady who is a healthy weight. It’s how you are supposed to be and it doesn’t translate into super hot stuff.
Well, some people feel worthless, hopeless, and think no one cares about them. They commit suicide.
Others struggle with depression and could benefit from a little arrogance, IMO. I understand depression can be a severe mental disease, but I still think some positive reinforcement could help.
I think we agree that some positive reinforcement is helpful. Perhaps I jumped to the wrong conclusion about your initial idea, extending it beyond where you held it.
That said, with regard to the first bit, my impression (and I am quite ignorant of this so I very well may be wrong) is that these people do not necessarily view themselves as fundamentally bad, they just have no hope of changing their circumstance.
Maybe I’m just projecting my own feelings on the subject though. I’m not sure that I could honestly view myself as fundamentally rotten. Is this because I’m not or is it because I simply can’t do it?
That’s actually a good question and I’ve never really thought of it that way. I don’t think people will feel absolutely rotten regularly but I do think they are prone to having a negative self image. Like I said before, people in this world will criticize you on a pretty consistent basis and your own mind will do it to you too. All I can say is this works for me. It’s a habit. I constantly remind myself that I’m a great person. Sometimes, I do it out loud. People for the most part get a laugh because I’m not that serious about it. There’s nothing about me that’s objectively awesome. I’m not particularly good looking or successful. Just a regular person. If I do notice they seem offended for some reason, I just let them know that they are awesome too.
Rhubarbarin, based on the one picture I’ve seen of you, I think you’re a 10. I don’t know why anyone would think different.
I had no idea remarks about myself such as ‘I’m cute’ (which is the only one I could find in my recent posting history, which goes back to 2011) have somehow translated into me proclaiming ‘I am a striking beauty!’ or anything similar.
Being a young white women with regular features, and no deformities or major flaws besides being flat chested, means I have an exceptional amount of privilege in my daily life, and that I get plenty of attention for how I look. Unlike the many people who don’t have those physical traits. That’s honestly all I ever meant by ‘physically attractive’.
Please stop being ridiculous.
I’m entitled to my opinion.
Oh please, pretending you’re the victim here, claiming that you didn’t go the extra mile to do the “song and dance” to avoid bragging is ridiculous. You seek out situations in which you can talk about just how beautiful you are, and if those situations don’t present themselves, you just bring it up anyway when it has no relevance.
I assume my post in the weight loss thread was (one of?) the post that triggered this thread. Let’s review. I realize that this alone isn’t particularly damning, but it’s part of a pattern.
Accusations of stealth bragging and defense snipped.
What a burden it must be for you to be so beautiful that you must always share it with the world no matter how much of a stretch it is to fit it into the current conversation. As you say, you’re just sharing “nothing more than the facts”, and anyone who reacts negatively are just fatties and uggos who are so bitter and jealous of you that they take offense.
So you try to tell people that most people, that even if they put in a lot of work they’ll never look as great as that amazingly fit woman (and oh by the way, me!). Don’t get your expectations up fatty, you have no chance.
And hey, you could’ve even left it at that and made your point entirely. But then, of course, you had to say that you were amazingly fit with no effort at all.
What a blessing it must be to be you, I could only hope to live in the same geographic area that you’re in that I might bask in the magnificence, since I assume that such a transcendent presence could be felt for hundreds of miles. Really, by working that fact into every conversation, you’re doing us all a favor. We can’t all see your greatness in person, but perhaps if you share just a little bit with us here on thee boards we might be awed from afar and our lives enriched.
The thing is - even if you were as attractive as you thought you were - it would still be irritating to be around you. You acknowledged in your OP that no one likes a “narcissistic preening … asshole”, you’re just apparently oblivious. But it’s even stranger because, and I would never snark on anyone’s appearance under normal circumstances, but not only are you not so stunningly attractive that it needs to be brought up constantly as the element that most defines you, you’re actually not even really attractive at all. It sounds like you’ve had some lecherous old dudes tell you how hot you are because you’re in your early 20s and early 20s vagina is where it’s at, and you’ve ran with it way too far.
It’s not that you’re failing to be humble, no, quite the opposite. Humble people look to downplay and not draw attention to their traits or accomplishments. There’s nothing wrong with not being humble, and being realistic. But you’ve gone very far the other way - you have to work it into places it has no place constantly, you must make everyone aware of what you see as your positive trait, and, just to add to it, you don’t even qualify for the thing you brag about.
Did I mention how insightful and smart I was, by the way? I feel like I don’t mention that often enough. Hope this helps.
I think in this specific instance, we both gained a little perspective. I went back and read the original comments with the added information of your comments in this thread and felt a lot differently about it. Full context about someone’s intent added to my perspective, and it sounds like some glimpse at impact added to yours.
FWIW, the full explanation (don’t hang your self-worth on looking like this person) is good advice.
Whoa.
Listen - I have no dog in this hunt; I don’t participate in weight-loss or appearance threads; heck I thought this was about humility 
A few observations:
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rhubarbarin - you seem to acknowledge that you don’t focus on humility and try to “call them as you see them.”
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You also acknowledge that it’s not considered okay to claim yourself to be attractive/rich/smart, etc. in social settings. You wish message boards allowed it, but you see that they really don’t.
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So you have attempted to post that way, but gotten a steady stream of “you are sneak bragging or outright bragging” in response.
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I would also observe that you don’t fully appreciate how deeply folks who DO feel they struggle with weight or appearance feel - or how they process comments from others, especially those claiming to not share those concerns.
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So what you see as a plain-spoken statement results in the attacks quoted above.
So - is it important to be humble? Your call. But is it important to avoid coming across as tone-deaf and remember some basic social rules, even on a message board? It appears so.
It’s much more gratifying when someone learns about my strengths and talents on their own or from someone else than it is by hearing it directly from me.
Maybe my reaction seems harsh. I may sound like I’m sitting here seething or something, but I don’t really care. But I have the same reaction as several other people in the thread said they have “oh, there’s rhubarbarin again, let’s see if she works how attractive she is into the post”. It’s an eye-rolling thing, it doesn’t really make me angry.
But then she posts it in a weight loss support thread. Hmm, but she’s thin… how is she going to sneak a comment about how attractive she is into it? Maybe she could talk about needing to lose 2 pounds to be back into the most perfect shape a human being can be in, but that might be a little transparent.
Oh, someone posted a link to someone very fit and said they’re inspired by them. Here’s my chance! I can offer the pretense that I’m concerned that this fatty maybe unrealistically think she can reach that state. I can use that to mention just how similar I am to this fit person getting admiration, but in my case, it’s just because I’m naturally god’s gift to beauty and not all that hard work.
I mean, she’s waiting there reading a weight loss thread and then comes in when she has the chance to say “Oh, that really thin person getting admiration around here? They’re just like me! Don’t even think you could attain what I have naturally”
That’s beyond mere arrogance, it’s rude. She’s trying to crap on the little inspiration that someone struggling with weight loss found in order to both try to steal some of the credit of the person doing the inspiring, remind us how naturally perfect she is, and also reminding us that us normies shouldn’t aspire to her level of beauty because it will only result in heartbreak.
Maybe if you didn’t know she has a history of this sort of thing she’d just sound a little tone deaf. When you realize she tries to find a way to work in her attractiveness into every post, it’s pretty fucking eye rolling.
But then she takes it further. I guess she’s acting like I’m a bully for calling her out on it, so she comes to this safe little MPSIMs hugfest talking about how she just doesn’t understand why people don’t take it well when she keeps talking about how beautiful she is. Does she have to walk on eggshells and censor herself for the rest of her life because people can’t handle the truth? What’s wrong with all of them? Oh woe is me.
I really don’t care that much, and I wouldn’t have brought it up again, except she made a thread to ask about it, so I told her.
Well, there is that - rhubarbarin, you did start this thread - as I have pointed out many times within it, you started it to ask about humility, but it is really about how your posts are perceived.
What do you think? Can you see where your posts in weight/appearance threads might appear to not just be tone-deaf, but perhaps a bit more?
I have to admit, when I got in this thread to see what it said about humility, then saw it was you and discussing a shot someone took at you about posting in a weight thread, I, too, thought “ah, our gal rhubarbarin is tone-deaf posting again” - it does happen. That is why I first asked what this thread is really about in post #22.
What do you think?
I agree with you that a lot of people have negative self images. I think that some (as in, very very few) people might regularly feel they are fundamentally bad. I saw this because of that memory of a serial killer who viewed himself that way (so I could be mistaken).
This is very true - in fact it’s lampooned on some message boards (ie, BB.com where even supermodels are ‘2/10’, sharp knees, would not bang).
I think I was seeing your affirmation a little differently. It seems odd to me to announce “I am beautiful” because it’s inviting others into a conversation about it.
Beauty is subjective, of course, but I think it’s one thing to say ‘I feel as thought I’m objectively attractive’ and to say that ‘I’m objectively gorgeous’. I think the difference is in the subjectivity - more people are attractive than they are gorgeous.
As I stated earlier, I’m not all that familiar with Rhubarbarin (I don’t even recall if I know what she looks like), but if she merely waded into a thread about attractiveness and gave her two cents, then I don’t see what the fuss is all about. If she’s wading into any and all threads to announce that she’s beyond beauty (or something like that) then it seems to me that she’s trying to get something out of the conversation (ex. attention or self validation).
If this is it, then I’m not understanding the criticism.
I’m not reading that the same way you are. I read it as a criticism of the false advertising that is inherent in the fitness industry. Penn and Teller did an episode on their B.S. show about fitness and essentially said the same thing that she was trying to express - that genetics plays a bigger part in the equation than the fitness models who are hocking products want you to believe. To put it in another way - I could work out, eat right, even take steroids, yet never get to Arnold’s level of muscle.
From what you quoted, she didn’t say that. She said that she looked like that woman, not that she had the same level of fitness that she did (at least not in the part you quoted). Fitness is not the same thing as being slender. For all we know rhubarbarin has high blood pressure, can’t walk a mile without huffing and puffing, and has diabetes (ie, it’s possible she’s not all that ‘fit’ even though she’s as slender as the fitness person).
That’s just my, admittedly ill informed, read on the situation.