This thread is about being a hugfest to reassure her both that she’s not arrogant, that she’s totally the hottest chick ever, and that everyone who says otherwise is just being a big meanie. That’s the point of starting it in MPSIMs instead of IMHO or even the pit.
“Tone deaf” is a generous interpretation of her actions, by the way. It suggests that she’s not really trying to find ways to stealth brag, but it just naturally comes out of her because she’s not good at reading the situation. I think it goes further than that, she knows what she’s doing and it’s premeditated. She jumps at the chance to answer something where it’s vaguely in context to mention her attractiveness.
Okay. Well, if that is how you feel, it seems like it would make more sense to simply not post to a thread like this. Taking a shot that feels good at the moment doesn’t help - and it sure is unlikely to get rhubarbarin to want to modify her posting habits.
I am trying to participate in this discussion - how did I get here again? - based on how rhubarbarin started it - it’s the only way I know to ensure there is give-and-take, not finger-pointing and no listening. I have not done hugfest stuff, and I have tried to reposition the conversation to issues that seem important on the SDMB.
Wait, how is my post inappropriate in any way? The whole point of this thread is her saying “I don’t get why people say I’m bragging when I keep mentioning how beautiful I am” and I’m very much answering it. I’m not the only one, several other posters seem to share my reaction.
This is very true. If you have it, you show it. All the blow-hard “look at me” nonsense gamesmanship eventually gets ignored like an old car alarm or the little girl in the comic strip who ends every sentence with “naturally curly hair”.
No dog in the fight. I’m not the best, the brightest or the prettiest at anything. I do ok and I help people how I can and where I can at work or in the world.
Sorry, I am not trying to take a shot at you. When there’s a thread that appears to be a misplaced attempt at a hugfest, one can: 1) attack their cluelessness/false intentions; 2) try to point out the disconnect; or 3) not engage.
The fact that you chose Option #1 is totally your call…
I don’t know much about rhubardin, but this example is one where clearly some humility is called for, and I can see people getting pissed at it or seeing it as sneak-bragging:
So far, so good.
Why add that? You were fine up until here. I’m sure that feels like you’re adding personal experience in a “just the facts ma’am” manner, but it’s difficult, as a reader, to read it as anything but brag. It’s not adding anything of real content and bringing the subject back around to you for no good reason. People are not going to take kindly to that. Now, if somebody specifically asked you, “rhubardin, what’s your secret to keeping the weight off?” then you can say that you’re one of the genetically lucky ones, but when the subject wasn’t about you and the personal experience added is of no content, it’s going to be perceived negatively, most of the time.
a-HA! There’s the pivot point. rhubarbarin, you state this because you have, in a literal way, never used those words or, in your mind, tried to convey that impression.
However, what SenorBeef and others are telling you is that your propensity to site your appearance, and how you approach doing it, clearly says “I think I am beautiful” to them, regardless of the actual wording used, or your personal intentions. I get that.
Actually taking another look at her post, I’m not sure it makes all that much sense:
On the one hand, Rhubarbarin seems to concede that in order for this woman to look the way she does, she has to eat strictly and exercise plenty. On the other hand she’s lumping herself into this person’s body type only to say that she doesn’t have to do this. Which essentially refutes Rhubarbarin’s point I think, since it seems to admit that this woman does not actually have Rhubarbarin’s genetics (ie, genetics that would allow her to look as she does without working out). That this woman has to put some serious effort into achieving the look she has.
In general I would agree with Rhubarbarin’s larger point; that the genetic component is real and while you can make significant progress towards your fitness goals, you may not attain ‘perfection’ if that perfection is due to genetics.
The way that she expressed it is rather confused though. On the second viewing of what she wrote, this sentence does look out of place (as pulykamell pointed out).
It’s out of place because you’ve essentially admitted that this fitness lady does not have your body type (i.e, the type that requires no effort), instead this lady has had to work at it, which makes your initial irritation puzzling:
It was hidden, slyly or subconsciously, but you said it here.
Of course you have many more posts referencing your physical esteem of yourself without actually using that particular word, like where you jumped right on the topic here.
Whichever words you choose, you’ve established the notion as your signature characteristic on the board.
I have to wonder why you started this thread; everyone knows that this is your thing and you know this is your thing. Pretending not to know what everyone is talking about is (or should be) embarrassing. I could seriously post links just like the above two all day long until the hamsters cry, “Okay, we get it, she thinks she’s hot!”
Erdosain, both of those links are to threads where the topic is physical attractiveness or the personal assessment of one’s own attractiveness. Rhubardin’s comments in that context seem completely on topic.
I dunno, I’m just not seeing the annoyance here. I described the weight loss debacle to my husband and his immediate interpretation was that the overall message was: "Don’t attach your self-worth to an unrealistic body image.’’ That’s pretty much exactly how I read it, without context.
I find it helpful to hire a poet to go before me singing my praises, so I can come in afterwards looking embarrassed and protesting the superlatives heaped upon me. Problem solved!
It seems to be clear - I just don’t understand why mentioning positive self-perceptions is so annoying to people. I can’t think of a single poster on here who I’ve noticed this about, or been irritated with. Interesting.
You’ve kind of been floating a veiled implication that jealousy or bitterness is what causes these mentions to be an irritant for some. Now, you said you are a direct and blunt person…so am I, so let’s keep it real…the implication has been put out there in this thread…
But I gotta tell ya, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes, it is just off putting to people because it is forced and unnatural to the conversation and it throws off the discussion vibe.
For instance, I haven’t noticed your posts much, and I don’t really roll my eyes at women who go on about their looks, because hey, I don’t know what it’s like to be considered pretty, maybe that shit fucks you in the head to the point where you gotta brag about it. But! I do roll my eyes when folks on this board go on about how smart they are, how high their IQ is, how perfect their SATs were, how they learned to read when they were a tiny fetus, curled up with a tiny book in their lil’ flippers. That shit is cringe inducing. I have no idea why it should make me cringe for them, but I do know it has nothing to do with me being jealous or bitter.
So, I am going to extend the same assumption to those who are annoyed with your pretty-posts. They may not be haters, they may just honestly be annoyed at the way your posts seem forced into the vibe of whatever conversation they are having. Or even, kind of embarrassed for you.
Nevertheless, I am convinced that you are just trying to post honestly, without any thought to how others feel you are coming off. I trust your posts at face value. You should also take the posts that are criticizing you at face value, instead of hinting that it’s born of jealousy.
