I love you freak!!!
Only I can be the board slut and whore. You know that!!!
For shame 
Well, let’s see, this statement makes me think that you assume that just because someone isn’t Christian, they aren’t told morals and how to live their life as a good person. Hmmmmmm, I am almost offended by that. :rolleyes: I was raised in a different kind of Christian household than you. My parents weren’t religious zealots, but they have lectured me a bit on avoiding the wrong kind of guys, and to use protection. Most of my friends have morals and standards that are just as high, and one of them just happens to be Wicca. Does her religious choice make her immoral? No, it doesn’t. Do you honestly think that only Christian parents piss the hell out of their kids by lecturing them on everything moral under the sun? If so, you’ve got some horizon broadening to do, little girl. Good luck growing up, and just live by your own beliefs. Your parents will have less say as you get older.
You’re right shame on me. Here is a link with a much more accurate description of the procedure… and diagrams even!
Tory
You got mad pretty quickly and anger is an emotion you are familiar with, see how hard it is to control.
Now think about love(in a boyfriend context) and sex, you seem to have less or no experience of these so you cannot possibly have the emotional equipment to deal with them yet.
These are not to be feared at all but you must realise that when they take control it is very difficult to listen and take the sensible advice of others.
Example - It didn’t take a genius to work out that the relationship between Toomy Lee-Jones and Pamela Anderson was going to be a rough one and no doubt somebody somewhere told her that.It didn’t work because her emotions were running high.
What about the one between Mike Tyson and Robbin Givens -same thing.
Go back some years and look at Mick Jagger and Marrianne Faithful - She was brought up in a convent how much more chaste can you get than that?
Being a devout Christian you are setting yourself up for a fall by hinting that God alone will protect you, if it fails then you would then beat yourself up for failing Him.
God cannot reach into your life and guaruntee absolute protection merely by following His word.
If you learn and do not make mistakes then fine but people here have a great deal more life experience than you.
Some may have been in the same circumstances you are in now but their relationships failed.
This does not make them bad or lesser in any way but they do know what they are talking about.
If bad things happen these are the people who will support and understand you and these are the people who will be happy to see things go well for you.
If your God is a loving one rather than the stern hard one that seems to show in your postings then no matter what you do there is room for redemption and forgiveness and an acceptance that you are human which will mean weaknesses.
I hope that I’m not coming across as critical or sanctimonious or arrogant and no-one here is trying to shoot you down as you commented earlier.
Advice is free but good advice is generally well buried.
There is lots of good advice here.
Look, I’m sorry I got upset. I AM tempestuous… if you don’t know what it means, look it up. I am not your average teenager, as most of you seem to think. Sorry UncleBeer, but with all due respect… I just “wandered” around your site for a while and it’s approaching pornographic. It’s ten times worse then a “teen chat room.” You accused me of being a “teen chatter” and a “whiner.”
That hurts, UncleBeer.
I wanted empathy and I got a sermon. Lots of sermons.
Sorry people, all I wanted was someone to empathize with me a little bit.(sorry for the redundancy, but no other word comes to mind) I didn’t want all kinds of advice.
It was just a paragraph of “MUNDANE, POINTLESS STUFF I MUST SHARE,” not a “general QUESTION.” I hope now you can see why I would be frustrated.
Rachel and Tris have been very nice. Even though you didn’t understand what I wanted, you didn’t take it off into left field… THANKS! You were the only thing that kept me from leaving for good.
P.S.-what’s up with the abortion freak?
I think I like this site, now. I’m gonna fight back from now on…(no shouting, right unclebeer??) 
Tory,
You do manage to be something else.
I may be treading on toes here, but you won’t get much empathy by screaming at people, or assuming they are ignorant, or poking at UncleBeer. A lot of people like UncleBeer. I’m one of them.
You do not seem to be asking for empathy, but pity. That is rare around here. True empathy and assistance when you are lost in the shadows of life, however, is gladly offered.
You seem to have walked in here preparing to fight. No need, these are good, warm people. Please respect them as you want to be respected. Golden rule holds as much here as anywhere.
“Sorry people, all I wanted was someone to empathize with me a little bit.(sorry for the redundancy, but no other word comes to mind) I didn’t want all kinds of advice.”
OH!! You wanted to rant. You didn’t want me to join in and say that a great deal of the inequity with which men and women/boys and girls are treated are residues of the same judgemental puritanical culture in which women who enjoy their sexuality are branded “whores”. You didn’t want me to say that by the time you escape from blindly accepting those moral lights and learn to form your own moral judgements, possibly retaining the more actually Christian morals, like acceptance and understanding, you will probably find that you will be less frequently judged and it will have less of an impact on your life.
I see. Well, gosh, guess I shouldn’t say those things, then. 
Tempetuous (and, yes, I know what that means, and doubtless everyone else does, too), I’m sorry to sound patronizing. This is all too much of a been there, done that, sort of thing, though…probably for many of us.
I’m happy to hear that you aren’t an average teenager. You seem bright and articulate. That’s wonderful, but not quite enough to make us old’uns unaware of our greater experience. There are certain commonalities to the teenage experience some of which you don’t see in yourself until you’ve left it. I think everyone’s advice so far was well-intended; try to just take it as that.
And now for the actual empathizing: Are you by any chance an oldest or only child? Most parents need a sort of breaking-in period. When your first child is dating, terrible horror stories run through your mind, even if you would like to think better of your child. I think that happens with further children, too, they’re just desensitized. My dad, fer instance, kept a 9:30 curfew on me for as looooong as he could, and was often out pacing in front of our house like a nutso when my first boyfriend (when I was around 14) brought me home. He’s otherwise a pretty sane guy. Just couldn’t stand the thought of his little girl growing up. They were MUCH more sane for my little brothers (though there you get the boy/girl difference again.)
When I first came in here, I did not scream at anyone. People drove me to do that. I didn’t want people falling all over me saying “poor baby” or anything like that.
I just wanted some laughs (that kind of empathy) from some people older and obviously more experienced than I.
Shoot me.
If UncleBeer spoke to you the way he spoke to me, you’d think less of him, too.
Tory, we do care. But we won’t demean either you or us with the insult of pity.
Yes, you know your own mind. You have a brain, opinions of your own & a damned strong set of 'em , too !
Good for you!!
But there’s this ugly thing.
It’s called date rape.
Not just obvious swine do it. Some straighlaced types grow up believing thast they have a “right to sex” on the 3rd date, or if they buy you dinner, or just because they’re “superior males”.
You are among friends–please don’t get hurt, that’s all. And please; don’t let others hurt you, either.
Hey I have an idea. How about after school you come over to my house, tell me you love me, and con me into having sex with you. Then afterwards you can say how you lied and you never loved me, you just wanted to get into my pants. Then you can go to school the next day and tell all the girls how I gave it up so easy, and how I’m such a total slut.
.
.
.
.
Get the point.
Tory, I think you’re taking this too seriously. Lighten up.
And having the name “tempestuous” doesn’t excuse anything. Just like having the name “Asshole” wouldn’t excuse acting as such.
tempestuous_tory, I must say, you are particularly rude and obnoxious. Not tempestuous, and most here won’t need to look that up.
The only reason you’re getting calm advice is because people realize that you are (despite your denial) a teen chatter and they are trying to be patient.
You’re off to a bad start, tempestuous_tory. The first step on the right path is apologizing to UncleBeer.
Well, hello Tory. You are tempestuous, and that’s an admirable thing in my book. Also, anyone who can play Puck is a welcome addition here.
I’ll give you one bit of advice, from someone who was (and still is, albeit somewhat ripened and mellowed) a tempestuous teen. From your OP, and further responses here, you seem to assume that an older person attempting to advise you is “preaching” to you. I guess that you’re sensitive to people not hearing your side of things and giving you a chance to speak. In reading this thread, I honestly see people trying to give you some good advice from their side of the fence. UncleBeer didn’t seem to have any animosity towards you; he was trying to give you an overall view of how the climate is on this board.
This is one place where people really do listen to what you have to say, and have thoughtful, intelligent advice. They’ll listen to you. So please don’t take a defensive tack. I remember as a teen thinking that adults just thought they knew it all, and would often think people were trying to force their view of life on me. As I’ve now had more experience, I realize that I didn’t know enough to help them talk to me. Don’t put a wall up and figure no one can understand you. Say what you feel to your parents. You may be the one who has to initiate a conversation. That might be hard at first, but once it loosens up, it’ll be better for all of you. Take your great energy and direct it toward how you want your family to be. You sound like a strong person who can do that.
Also, please don’t assume that this board has a disgruntled chip on it’s shoulder towards younger people. There are many smart teens here, and I’m always amazed at their wisdom. I, for one, always welcome the younger view of life.
So, Puck, welcome, and go on with your spritely tempest!
Hey, Tory, you’re really getting the full treatment here. Gotta tell ya, though, this is the way Dopers answer each other. We’ve raised thread drift and digressions to an art form.
Actually, some of the answers really did hit the nail on the head: girls get pregnant, guys don’t. Leaving out all emotional issues, etc. the stakes are so damned much higher for girls.
I suspect part of the “problem” is that your parents were once (gasp!) horny, beset teenagers themselves. See, they probably do trust you about casual sex. But there’s a more subtle risk that even scrupulously controlled sexual impulses can warp judgment. Put bluntly, eagerness to be adult, simmering hormones, a beguling young man and some reasonable compatibility can morph into “true love” before you know what hit you–or him.
Besides, guys really are socialized differently, besides being yowlin’, prowlin’ bags of testosterone. Equally wonderful human beings, but realities are different. It’s just so easy for those different (but equally urgent) realities to warp good sense like a pretzel.
To quit dancing around the issue, hormones play pure hell with reason. Sounds like your folks trust you on the casual sex stuff, but now they’ve graduated to gnawing their nails that you’ll settle rationally and wisely with a young man worthy of their daughter.
It’s a parent thing, and won’t really subside even after you’ve been happily married for a decade or so and have 2.5 children.
Feel better now? Being a parent is so primal it’s scary. They can’t help it.
Veb
This has got to be the single truest statement about parents in the history of…well, in the history of parents, I think. One of my favorite sayings is “the older I get, the smarter my parents get.”
Now tory, settle down, and listen to what the folks here have to say. As elelle said, there are quite a few teens that post here, and they are valuable additions to this board. You do seem to have your head screwed on pretty tightly, so just stick around and see what goes on here. This really is a fun place, with a buttload of smart, savvy people.
As for UncleBeer, he’s a moderator. It’s his job to tell you what this board is about, and how to conduct yourself. UncleBeer is also one of the sharpest crayons in the SDMB box. You want him on your side. Trust us on this one.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by tempestuous_tory *
l "Now honey, the boys in high school look at girls in a very different way"
One question… different from what? The boys in elementary school? The girls in high school?
** I blew up at her pretty bad. All of this could be avoided if parents would somehow get it through their heads to even out the scales a little bit. **
Um, they are your parents and if I understand this parenting thing correctly (I’ve had some experience here) the scales will never be even. If you a boy, you’d probably get the ‘watch out for the sluts’ talk, like I did.
Anyway, be gentle and patient with your parents. If you are an only child, or eldest, be even more gentle and patient. Sounds like they really love you.
I’m starting to get the idea you think you know everything. A lot of the people in here are at the top of their professions; have advanced degrees; and have raised kids successfully. You sound as though you have not quite got started good in High school yet.
I don’t care how smart you are, or how average you think you aren’t. There are things you can’t change. Assuming you can distinguish pornography without having had a sexual experience is ludicrous. I don’t suggest you have one but I would like to know what your credentials are for making that decision. No, I wouldn’t. You cannot rationalize experience. Don’t even try.
It was true. Get used to dealing with things you don’t like with something other than your temper. People call that ability ‘maturity’.
Sorry people, all I wanted was someone to empathize with me a little bit.(sorry for the redundancy, but no other word comes to mind) I didn’t want all kinds of advice.
[/quote]
You wanted SYMPATHY. Empathy is something you can get from your peer group. Until you alienate all of them.
No, they DIDN’T understand what you wanted. You wanted EMPATHY, right? But you didn’t get it. So you got angry. But it didn’t solve anything because when you are angry, you are not communicating. Anger won’t solve your problems. If you are as religious as you say, you must have female friends who can empathize with you. Or, you might go to your minister.
There you go again. He isn’t an abortion freak. Is it your plan to piss off everyone you possibly can?
Oh, joy. You weren’t fighting back before, right? You were just being rude? So, if people try to give you advice formed from intelligence (which you have) guided by experience (which you don’t), you are going to fight back? My, what a good plan for developing communications. Isn’t there something we could do to help you change your mind?
Back to the OP: My mom most certainly has given me a number of lectures about this self-same subject, and I’m a guy. I presume that the speeches were similar to the ones that she gave my older sister, but I wouldn’t know. Yes, I’ve assured my mom many a time that I’m saving myself for marriage, and that I would behave rationally and stick to my principles should the situation ever arise, and I’m sure she believes me. She still worries. She’s a parent, it’s her job to worry. Don’t let it get to you. You say that you have no intention of having sex before you get married. You say that that’s also what your parents want you to do. Great, you agree about that! No problem
Simply put, guys are pigs. I’m a guy, and I’m a pig, so I know whereof I speak.
Tory, you may think you should be warned not to take advantage of the guys in your high school, but trust me on this one…if you were to try and ‘take advantage’ of the typical teenaged male, things would escalate out of your control in a New York minute, and you wouldn’t know what happened until after your reputation had been established.
Not a sermon…just the truth.
Tory, I think I know where you’re coming from. You’re saying that you don’t object to your parents’ edict not to have sex before marriage, just that you get it already! Right? Been there, done that. If you can, ask to talk to your parents at a time when there won’t be any distractions, and tell them that the message has been received and understood, and they don’t have to tell you “No sex before marriage” every time you leave the house. At some point, they must have also stopped reminding you to brush your teeth at night, because you got with that program. (Or do they nag about everything?)