Okay, three months or so ago, we got two new kittens to add to our then one-cat household. Skittles is a happy little guy who gets along with everyone—people *and * cats. Sure, we’re having trouble getting him to stay off the kitchen counters, and he spends way more time in the litterbox than any cat I’ve ever had (What’s he doing in there, reading???), but generally, he’s a great cat.
Pepsi, OTOH … well, something’s wrong with her. Like Skittles, she was feral. She was about two months old when we got her. She’s very skittish, though she has improved (mainly, I think, because we don’t allow her to hide all the time). She doesn’t hiss at us any more, and she will eat from our hands sometimes. If we are up and walking around, she runs from us. If we are sitting, she may come in the same room as long as at least one of the other cats is there, but if we make any sudden moves, she generally runs off. The weird thing is, though, as soon as we lay in the bed, whether at night or during the day, she jumps up there and wants to be petted and cuddled.
If you are standing, he gets nervous and hides, but lying down or sitting, it’s all cool. Standing is threatening, I guess. I got him at a shelter nearly 15 years ago and he hasn’t gotten any more relaxed.
Just love the cat the way it is. It might not change.
My cat Abby is like that too. She will fight to the death if I try and pick her up. She doesn’t act scared of people, she acts like she’s so much above us. But she loves to jump up on my lap if I’m on the computer or watching TV. Any affection given by her has to be on her terms.
My parents have a cat exactly like that (well, except for the lounging in the litterbox thing). She’s 12 years old and STILL runs away if both Mom and Dad are in the same room with her at the same time–because any two people, apparently, are bound to form a cat-killing mob when they get together. Don’t expect the cat to change–but if you’re making gentle attempts to socialize Pepsi, that will probably help some.
Even my kitty Rex, who is a sweetie, can be standoffish by day and overly affectionate by night. I think it’s pretty common for kitties to want to get physical affection on their own terms…and what better way than to try to force it on you while you’re sleeping?
My youngest is a scaridy cat too, and she was born in the bed in our guest room! We had 6 kittens. All the others found homes. They are reported to be happy, friendly & well ajusted.
'Lil will let me touch her (rarely) if I’m sitting down. If I’m standing she’s gone. She puffs up like a blow fish if my husband speaks to her. She does come when she’s called, but not too close.
Still, she comes for cuddling in bed. She even lets Alpha pet her. She often sleeps at the foot of the bed, if the other two are elsewhere. They’ve divided the bed into thirds. Alpha and I have to fit around their spots.
In general, male cats are much more friendly towards humans than female cats.
It could be that your female has a very low stimulus threshold. The only time you are quiet enough and don’t move is when you’re asleep. Thus that is the only time she feels comfortable around you.
Animals don’t like sudden movements in general, and it could be that when you are awake you move around too much and make too much noise for her comfort.
Our middle cat, Pants, used to do this very same thing. I’m here to tell you that there is hope, though it may take awhile. We’ve had Pants for just over three years. Only recently is he showing more interest in his people, and in people in general. Now he is starting to jump up on my lap or my husband’s lap. If I’m in the bathroom, he rushes in to “help.” He greets me at the door, and rolls over to get a belly rub. He’s even friendlier toward strangers. A friend of mine was over last Friday and he sat on the couch right behind her and gave her kisses! I was so proud! I’m not sure what brought on this sudden change. Just a few months ago we were considering bringing him out to my mom’s farm because he had begun to spray (and he’s fixed, mind you!) deliberately around my husband. I began to suspect that he was depressed because my husband had been out of town for a few days. One of his siblings has depression issues, so we brought him in to the vet. She put him on antibiotics first, to rule out bladder infection. My husband and I gave him extra attention for a while, just to make sure he knew he was special to us. For now, he seems to be cured and coming out of his shell. It is possible!
Good luck!
I have a feral cat, and I volunteer at a feral cat shelter. As everyone else has said, Pepsi’s behavior is perfectly normal. It took my cat almost two years before she started seeking me out for attention. I still can’t pick her up without risking my eyeballs getting scratched out, nor is she a lap cat. She still can’t stand to be near my live-in S.O.
One thing we advise adoptive parents at the shelter is to rub catnip on themselves to make themselves more attractive to the cat. Try www.alleycatallies.org. They have all sorts of info, and can answer any questions you might have.
Yup, for all the reasons stated above. Its pretty normal. Being feral she is used to being on her toes. A standing person or fast movement could be percieved as potential danger.
One of my cats, Elvis, has always been skittish and got him as kitten. Every night he would jump on my bed after I turned the lights outs. Then he would hop up on my chest and put his nose right against my nose. I could feel and hear him sniff me. Like he was making sure I was me or something.
Any stranger in the house would send Elvis hiding for hours. One friend came over about twice a week for 3 years. Each time Elvis hid. Finally, one day my friend came in and sat on the couch as usual. This time Elvis came running across the room and jumped in his lap. Cats like to do things on their own time.