I’m so frustrated with my cat right now. Merlin seems to be in constant need of attention, and when he doesn’t get it, he meows incessantly. Not like cute little meows but long, freaky, yodeling meows that make my skin crawl. At least once the neighbors have heard it because they inquired about him in a sort of worried way.
I just got back from ten days gone (during which time I paid someone to come over every day and spend time with him.) My husband is out of town right now and it’s made him a lot worse. I haven’t slept in days, because the only time he’s happy is laying right on top of me purring very loudly. When I reposition he starts meowing at me again. I came very close to falling asleep during my drive to work this morning.
I can think of a few reasons why he might be behaving this way. First, we are busy people with weird hours. I’m home working some days and other days I’m gone all day. My husband’s schedule is similar and even more erratic. Merlin freaks out when it first starts getting dark outside unless both of us are home - which doesn’t happen often. He’s most likely lonely when I’m not home, and confused when I am home and can’t spend time with him because I have to work. I know cats thrive on routine, but I have no idea how to create the structure he needs when every day of my life is different.
Second, we cuddle together a lot - on the couch and sleeping at night - but we don’t play around much. I’m thinking maybe he needs some regular playtime doing active cat things with me. He gets pretty rowdy on his own when he’s excited about birds outside the window and stuff, so when he’s with me he is inclined to cuddle more than play. Right now he is just laying next to me asleep. But if I get up he will wake up and start meowing at me again.
Tonight when I got home I immediately paid attention to him. We played with his favorite toy while I cooked dinner. But as soon as I sat down to dinner - a time he knows not to bug me - the meows started all over again. He cannot stand a minute without being in physical contact with me in some way. I don’t want him to be unhappy, but I can’t give him all of the time he demands. Unfortunately getting a second cat to keep him company is not an option - my husband says ‘‘there can be only one.’’
I’ve complained about this before. I’ve had him for about 7 years now and he’s always been clingy but it’s just getting worse. I take him to the vet regularly so I don’t think the issue is pain or anything like that. It’s deep anxiety of some kind and I don’t know how to help him. This is especially troubling because right now the drawbacks of owning a cat seem to weight more heavily than the benefits. I am really at my wit’s end and in terms of job productivity I literally cannot afford another sleepless night.
Is there a snowball’s chance in hell that getting a second cat would work out? (Your schedule & finances, whether or not Merlin gets along with other animals, etc . . .)
Have you asked the vet about this? There may be something wrong that can’t be seen on a casual exam, or alternately, the vet may have some good recommendations. Even some kind of “kitty Valium” would be helpful to the both of you at this point.
Unfortunately not. He’s totally freaked out by other animals, but most importantly, my husband is adamant that we are not getting another cat. He likes Merlin, but he didn’t even want one cat in the first place. He only agreed to it because he knew it was important to me. Also most apartments have a one-cat policy and we’re going to be living in apartments for a long time to come.
On preview: Yeah, I figured this would have to end in a trip to the vet.
How long has the new schedule been in effect? Cats don’t like change, but they can usually get used to it after a while.
When my cat Albert was depressed, I took him to the vet a few times and they said anti-depressants for cats can help deal with behavior, but not generally the actual mood of the animal. That might be something to ask your vet about.
Well, things have been unpredictable for years. We’ve moved several times (counting his move to our home, 5 times since 2006), and we’ve always been pretty busy. He seems unhappier here than anywhere else we’ve lived. He recently (just before Christmas) lost access to one of his favorite window sills, too. We’re moving again in June (hopefully for the last time), so… ugh. I worry that this - our lifestyle - is not a good situation for him. As much as I love him, maybe he would be better off with someone who could provide more stability. He’s such a good kitty.
Is it possible he’s just bored? Is there a window he could look out, or could you set up something like a bed in front of a window so he could look out? What about cat-TV? Seriously, I used to have a video of birds and squirrels and other small mammals, my cats would watch it. I can’t believe a web site or YouTube channel doesn’t exist that has such stuff, maybe you could leave it on during the day?
Seconding trying the Feliway and/or a vet consult first. If you think frequent moves and an upcoming move in June are disturbing him, giving him away certainly will.
How do usually react when he starts yodeling and getting annoying? Because, you should really just ignore undesirable (but non-destructive) behaviors. If you respond by paying any sort of attention to the cat when he yodels, you just trained him to do it even more. You have to just completely ignore it, and not even make eye contact. If you haven’t been doing that, and responding in some way, it might take a while, but he’ll hopefully knock it off sooner or later when it stops working. If you keep responding, it will never stop, for sure.
Give him plenty of attention whenever you can/want to, but NEVER when he’s being annoying.
I wouldn’t give him away. Certainly, that would be even more upsetting for him.
I’d say consult with the vet. Look into Feliway and a Thundershirt (I think that’s what they’re called) and medication. Make sure he’s getting some exercise, has a good, safe (by cat standards) place to sleep when no one is there, and see what happens.
Your cat has you well-trained. I wouldn’t say he is unhappy at all! Don’t feel bad for the little bastard, he has a far more cushy life than you do.
Stop rewarding his obnoxious meowing/other undesirable behavior with your constant attention. I can relate, my dog is very needy and constantly creeping on me, and I used to try to indulge it, because he’s otherwise a good dog and has had a hard life - but all that ended up happening was that I was miserable and he got far more neurotic and obnoxious with every passing month. The more attention you give him in response to him whining or staring or crawling into your lap, the more he freaks out when you try to stop petting him, etc and the more demands he makes. So I got tough, and he’s learned that I will give him attention how and when I please. If he started barking or whining to try to demand things from me, I’d give him the cold shoulder. If he didn’t stop, he got a firm correction - either a loud NO (which he hates) or me removing myself from his presence for a time (which he hates more). There were a few tantrums outside my bedroom door in the beginning but it’s hardly a problem anymore… he’s still a neurotic needy dog who follows me around the house, but he isn’t a PITA. Although he will try out his old routine with other people - who usually fall for it…
More exercise and mental stimulation is always good therapy for housepet misbehavior, though!
ETA: My dog and my cat have had the most unstable lifestyle and schedule for the past year and a half - I’ve moved 4 times and will be moving a 5th shortly, lived in all kinds of places and with a lot of different people, vastly different work schedules, etc - and they have both been absolutely fine, behavior-wise, the only blip came when my cat had to live with another cat for a time that bullied her. So while these things can be a factor, it’s not a given that pets can’t handle change, or that instability in living situations is a major cause of this kind of misbehavior.
Your cat lives in a small prison. You and your husband are his only source of interaction and stimulation. I am aware that this is not unusual, but neurotic indoor cats are incredibly common. Where is his opportunity to communicate with anyone who actually understands him? Where can he utilize his hunting instincts? Where is his mate?
Imagine if you were the pet of some aliens and would never see another human again. The aliens may try to be nice to you, but you are their prisoner, and it’s a life sentence.
Personally, I would sink quickly into despair.
I’ve had many cats in my life. Happy, healthy indoor cats. I owned a pet-sitting business and over the years have taken care of dozens and dozens of indoor cats. They were all healthy and happy. I’m trying to think of any cats that I used to visit that were anything but healthy and happy and I can only think of one. A giant orange tabby who was used to going outside on a leash.
Yeah, there’s not a lot I can do about that part. He doesn’t have his front claws and no we are not the ones who had him declawed. Do you have any suggestions?
Yes he is fixed. I’m glad people aren’t thinking he needs to live somewhere else, I just thought it might be selfish of me to keep him if it was making him unhappy. I think we can get through this. I try, really try, to ignore him. But then sometimes I just feel like I’m being so callous and try to make him feel better.
