Why is my friend embarassed about her chest?

I’m trying to think of a good way to phrase the question without necessarily telling lots of stories about this particular friend, whom I’ll call “N.” So I’ll give a few assorted facts: She’s 21, about 5’2", maybe 120 lbs, and well, generously endowed. She nearly always wears baggy T-shirts and sweatshirts, but of course, that could just be due to her being a poor college student.
One night, there was some discussion between her and a mutual friend, “B.”, as to whether they were the same size. B. said that N. was probably wearing too small a size, “like many women” as she put it. Apparently this discussion led to some bra swapping.
How I wish I’d been there for that :smiley: but by the time I got there N. was sulking in another room and B. was telling me, “N.'s is upset because I told her she’s not a C-cup.” N. tends to be rather prudish at times but can also be pretty ribald, so I can’t imagine why something she has to have known about for years is bothering her. B.'s attitude is “Honey, flaunt 'em if you got 'em; I do,” but that didn’t seem to help.

So, after all that, I guess what I want to know is why some women (since no one here can speak for my friend) get embarassed about this sort of thing.

Maybe it is having people comment on them?

I am about the same size as your friend and have wear a DD bra. You won’t believe how many women I have had come up to me and comment on my chest. Either they think that I have had a boob job (I haven’t) or they “hate” me because they have small breasts.

Or, it might bother her to have men stare at her like she is a piece of meat rather then a person.

I am not saying that every man or women is like that, but there are enough out there that it might really embarass a shy person.

Mostly? It would be nice if your eyes ever actually made it up to my face…

Because women with big tits are freaks.

No, not really, but she’s likely had to deal with that perception a lot through her post pubescent life. She can’t find a fitted shirt that won’t make her look like a nursing mother, if she does find clothes that cling to her curves she’ll have to deal with those people who mistake large breasts for loose morals or trashiness. If they are still attractively high and formed she’ll have to listen to “whispered” fake v. real debates, and if they’ve succumbed a little to the vagaries of time and gravity she’ll have to face a little scorn and disdain for looking “trashy.” She faces cattiness and curiousity all around, and I imagine that sometimes it’s easier to avoid the hassle and try and sublimate the body issues by dressing frumpily in clothes which hide the shape. Don’t get me wrong, they’re not horrible all the time…big boobs can be fun, but sometimes it’d be nice if they were just a bit smaller. IANAWWTOB [I Am Not A Woman With Tig Ol’ Bitties] but this is the experience I have gleaned from a friend who is counting her pennies until she can afford the breast reduction surgery.

She’s never complained to me about any of those Tortuga mentioned specifically, so I don’t know if that’s the issue.
However, this is the thing B. and I can’t figure out… N. will on occasion wear tighter clothes or otherwise draw attention to herself but it is around us, her boyfriend, or other people she feels comfortable around. Sometimes she acts as if she was Gypsy Rose Lee in a past life and other times she doesn’t want to be objectified at all. I suppose she wants to have it both ways… but I welcome further comments or opinions.

*Originally posted by av8rmike *
**She’s never complained to me about any of those Tortuga mentioned specifically,

The events might not have happened recently. When I first started growing boobs, I was WAY ahead of my peers in that regard. I wore a B-cup in the 5th grade. Boys hassled me constantly including grabbing at me when I was walking home (off school property) and off course nasty comments.

Eventually the other girls caught up but it took a long time (10+ years) for me to break the habit of slouching and otherwise hiding the ladies.

She probably wears tighter clothes around people she’s comforatable with because she wants to be able to dress “nice” once in awhile, but doesn’t want all the attention from people she doesn’t know.

I graduated high school wearing a 36E bra. It was torture. Girls hate you because they somehow think you ask for the attention (as if you had any choice, how are you going to hide that big of a chest?) and guys probably wouldn’t recognize you from the neck up. Gym class is a total fucking nightmare. And do you know how hard it is to shop for a prom dress with a Dolly Partonesque body? There were plenty of times I just looked at myself in the mirror and cried.

I just wanted to look normal and wear normal clothes. The big t-shirts get old after awhile. So that’s probably why she wears more figure hugging outfits around people she’s comforatable with, undoubtably having high hopes that she won’t be leered at, for once.

She may want to consider getting a breast reduction. I eventually got one and it was hands down, the best thing I’ve ever done.

When I was a junior and senior in high school, we had a classmate like this. Not stupid, not a genius; neither cruel nor an angel; just a perfectly normal, perfectly average person, the kind of person anyone would be perfectly satisfied to have as a friend. Except she had these massive breasts on an otherwise typical frame, which made many women despise her and many men salivate after her.

The worst moment is burned into my memory: During one of the Presidential Physical Fitness Achievement weeks, when we were all trying to climb up the rope and do pullups and shit as much as we could in order to earn that stupid little certificate, I was going back to the locker room and I passed a large, tight cluster of people. Huh, I wondered, what are they all gathered around. I poked my head in, and the girl described above was doing sit-ups. Except that, this day, she had made the unwise fashion choice of a cutoff t-shirt. So after every situp, as she was laying back down, the shirt would flip up a bit, sometimes more, sometimes less. And the people standing around her were all men, their eyes bright, their grins wide. And she was crying, knowing what everybody was doing, but unable to stop and adjust her shirt, because then the situp count would terminate even though she wasn’t really done.

Even as an addled 16-year-old who had spent lots of time thinking about this girl’s chest, I could see how horrifying the situation was; it was like she was in the middle of a pack of fucking hyenas, cackling and drooling, with her powerless to defend herself. I have a clear memory of that being the first time I consciously decided my hormones weren’t going to win: As much as I might have wanted to see what was under that shirt, it just felt wrong and icky, and I walked away. And now, with the distance of time, I think it’s simply appalling that the instructor/supervisor who was counting her situps didn’t bother to chase away the wolves.

I looked at her really differently, with a lot more sympathy, after that. :frowning: I wonder what she’s doing now…

Like lezlers said, she’s dressing “nice” for once. I guarantee you that they don’t make many “nice” baggy and non-revealing blouses for women of her chest size. She feels comfortable showing more cleavage around you guys because she knows you, and knows you aren’t going to slobber over her. Around other people, she’ll get shy.

Heck, I have small breasts and I feel uncomfortable in tight shirts, often. Memories of guys openly catcalling women about their breasts tend to stick with you, and sometimes a woman just wants to cover up.

I remember a girl in middle school, around age 12 or 13, who had seriously developed. She must have been at least a B cup, maybe C. Guys would frequently shout, “Run Sheila, run!” when the girls’ phys ed class would jog past, hoping to see her breasts bounce more.

Some women are able to shrug that stuff off, or find it exciting to show more cleavage. Others find themselves feeling shame over their bodies because of what reactions they’ve gotten in the past.

Parenting has a lot to do with how women feel about their bodies as well. If her father (or male household members) made comments about her figure as she was growing up (see HA’s remarks), it’s likely that she is unhappy about looking like a woman at all, much less an “exaggerated” one.

Since N is able to wear clothes that show her shape around friends, it seems that a) she’s dealt with it or b) it wasn’t that bad. I’ve known women of various sizes who wished they were built like boys (not men, boys). Very sad to think what their family life must have been like.

Well, as others (I think every woman responding to this thread) have said- the thing about on some occasions ditching the large shirts etc simply means, I’d say - that it is the fun of feeling relaxed enough to be able to wear something other than the large shirts, because that can be nice for a social occasion, even if only popping round to some friends for a casual dinner/drinks/watching of video/whatever, because she feels OK about her actual friends and can skip the sort of “defensive - I will sort of hide” - clothing that she might normally feel a need to wear to socialise with a less familiar company.

  • At last, a chance to wear the good new dress/shirt /whatever without the anxiety of drawing unwanted attention! * :slight_smile: The fun of wearing different stuff, without the hassle.

It is sad, perhaps, for that to be the case, but, the uncomfortable self-consciousness involved is surely pretty much a learned reaction from previous experience of drawing attention - too much of, or the wrong kind of, rather than poor N meaning to cause confusion to her friends. (although, if I were she, I’d stay with the big shirts, -because - heheh - that way you can eat more. :slight_smile: )

Wow, I feel as if you are talking about me. You would be surprised how embarrassing it is to have a large chest. People are always making comments, although in my experiance the girls comments are worse then the guys. 9 times out of 10, it is the girls who bring up my chest size, rather then the guys.

I used to be in denial about my chest size, and I was somewhere between a C and a D. I used to wear B’s all the time, and it was pretty obvious, depending on what I wore, that my bras were very ill-fitting… My friends teased me about this, then one day I get an email from a creepy married acquaintance saying that it made my breasts look more “enticing.” I was so grossed out I went out that same evening and bought a bunch of correctly sized bras.

Wow, Cervaise. that’s a horrible story! Was this pre-Anita Hill, by any chance?

Want me to numb those for you? numb … numb … numb … nummy.

I’m sure the fact that they can occasionally be hazardous to her health didn’t help either. I’ve got a friend here who had breast reduction surgery (at 20, which makes my head spin). She wore a DD before and was saying just tonight that now she “can sit up straight” and that doctors had told her that without the surgery, she’d be having serious back problems by 30.

I have noticed the same thing. The guys just stare and drool. It is other women who actually feel the need to say something.

Some ( good-humored, mostly, but still serious ) articles on the lamentations of the well-endowed:


  • Tamerlane

I had mine at 19. And yes, extremely large chests can cause back problems. That’s how I got my insurance to cover the surgery.

Cervaise, that’s a horrible story and I’ve gotta tell you, I can relate. I remember when we ran relays in gym class and I was the one running to the finish, along with one other person. The whole class was staring at us cheering, the guys more than the girls. In my naitivity, I thought they were just excited about the race. Turns out, everyone was cheering at the amount my breasts were bouncing.


Kids can be cruel.

One of my good friends is quite generously endowed, and during a conversation, the issue was brought up. She doesn’t mind guys (or girls) staring a bit, because, you know, everyone has hormones, but in her view, anything more than small compliments is going over the line, unless you know her well.