If you still take issue with this statistic, please do so in ‘Comments on Cecil’s Columns’, as it would be more appropriate to discuss it there than here.
Furthermore, the 50% statistic doesn’t reflect the fact that many couples are unhappy together but are staying together ‘for the kids’, or that there are a lot of people who are separated but not divorced, and so on.
Why is the divorce rate in the United States so high? Why did it change dramatically in the last half of the twentieth century??
It changed drastically because the stigma that was traditionally connected to being a divorced person dissappeared. This had a two-fold effect, IMO
ONE–people who were unhappy in their marriages are less likely to stick it out for appearances sake.
TWO–people getting married are, perhaps, less choosy about their mates. They know divorce is an accepted option should things go badly.
Also, I don’t think you can discount the impact the woman’s movement had on the traditional family structure in the US. Whereas a woman in the thirties or forties who found themself in an objectionable marriage might be “stuck”, simply because she relyed on her husband for financial and material support, the typical modern woman faces no such obstacle. Even women who are homemakers or stay-at-home moms are likely to have at least the opportunity to branch out into the workforce should it be necessary.
I don’t see the stigma of divorce disappearing. At least as far as divorced couples with children victims are concerned. I don’t see anyone excusing their behavior.
You also have to consider that the 50% divorce rate does not mean that half the people who get married get divorced. There is a pervasive number of people who marry, get divorced, remarry, get divorced and remarry.
Lets say there are 7 couples who get married. One of them was Liz Taylor.
on the onset thats a 0 percent divorce rate.
lets say that the 6 couples stay married faithfully and happy all their lives but Liz (being Liz) remarries 7 times all of which ended in a divorce. So thats a total of 14 marriages, and 7 divorces.
That is now a 50 percent divorce rate even tho only one person is doing all the divorcing.
Maybe cecil can get us a statistic of how many first time marriages end up in divorce?
Looking at the last half of the twentieth century, if through some mechanism, perhaps legal, you could hypothetically hold the divorce rate constant, all else equal, I would postulate that the marital rate would have decreased even more significantly.
In other words, perhaps more people are getting married with the knowledge that divorce isn’t as impractical as it once was.
There is an expectation of divorce too, in a certain segment of the population. Ever hear the term “starter marriage”? I was once asked what I thought my next marriage would be like. I also was told routinely that my marriage would not last, not for any evidence that it was going badly, but because I got married at age 20 to someone I started living with when I was 18.
You might check the OP’s link. Among other things, it states that 40% or more of 45-year-olds and 50-year-olds have been divorced. (It counts the % of divorced persons in each age cohort from 25 to 60 years old, at 5-year age intervals.)
Obviously, each age cohort still has a few first divorces left in it, but the older the cohort, the fewer first divorces ahead. So the Census Bureau projects that the 50 year old cohort will ultimately have about 45% of its members with at least one divorce in their past, but for the 45 year old cohort, that will go up to closer to 49%. The statistics seem to suggest that we’re indeed converging on a long-term “half of all people who marry will ultimately be involved in a divorce.”
I think the reason why the divorce rate is so high is because of women. Women now opt to get rid of a man rather than put put up with the crap they used to say 50 years ago. I was divorced by my first wife because I didn’t make enough money and she thought she could do better, which she did.
I do genealogy, and I can tell you that I have found divorce to be extremely rare prior to the 1900’s in all of the families that I researched, regardless of how long people lived back then. Therefore I agree that divorce is high(compared to what it used to be).
I dont see where the marriage rate is measurably any higher or lower than it used to be, so I cant agree that the marraige rate is “high”.
On the other hand, I see plenty of couples who “should” be divorced, but are not, so maybe our divorce rate is too “low”?
I wonder if the divorce rate is higher now, because things/people/society change so much now during an average lifetime? In the old days, you were born on a farm, you lived on a farm, and you died on a farm - not much reason to divorce, your life will not change much by getting one back then.
Now you’ve heard at least one: me. A divorce is always an unfortunate situation; when kids are involved it’s doubly so. However, this doesn’t mean that people that don’t stay together for the kids should somehow be stigmatized, shunned, or considered less than decent humans. Frankly, I’m kind of stunned by your harsh language - “child victim,” as if divorce is somehow an intentional harm perpetrated against them.
my wife and I have been together since she was a junior in high scholl, and i was a freshman in college… she worked for my mom… we got together and instantly everyone had an opinion on how long we would last (prior to us getting together, we flirted heavily with each other for 3 years)…
everyone said that we wouldn’t last, and we have now lasted longer than any of those other people… i have been married for longer than my mom ever had (now deceased)… MegaWife and I have often spoken about why we thought we lasted so long… here is my opinion…
the reason that people get divorced a lot, espically younger people more so than older ones, is because they are not relying on their partner… what i mean is, they continue to live there life for themselves instead of for the marriage. they don’t ever have to work for it anymore with parents and others providing to much help… in the 50’s new couples (parents or not, but more so for parents) relied on each other to deal with the day to day trials of marriage. this fostered a relationship where they knew they could trust one another to be there when it was really imortant. it brought the couple closer together, it made them feel more like a family.
Marriage necessitates dependence on one another. We live in a society that values independence.
We are raised to believe that we are each incredibly valuable and unique (generalization disclaimer) and that we should be able to stand on our own two feet. This message is contradictory to the concept of dependence on others.
And marriage is frickin hard.
And divorce is ever easier.
And women have more options when divorced.
And Liz Taylor and my brother are divorcing enough to keep the stats high for all of us that are staying together.
I thimk that the largest factor in the increased divorce rate has been the transformation of the roles of women. They are more independent and less reliant on men both economically and emotionally. They are therefore much more willing to end a marriage. This is often a good thing – abusive or just terrible relationships but many other marriages get dicared as well.
I have been divorced ( and I hate that). My wife of 3 years tearfully told me that she did not feel that she was in love with me and that I was a great guy yada yada yada. She refused to consider counselling or make any effort at resurrecting anything. She said that she had changed as a person and was perhaps too young (25) when she got married. Thirty years ago, it would be highly unlikely that a woman would end a financially stable marriage with no real problems but nowadays there seems to be a higher expectation. I know so many people who’s marriage ended “because I wasn’t really happy”. Their partner might have been a wonderful person making every effort but its still not enough. I wonder if those people find the happiness they seek in future relationships.
I know that I am happy now ( remarried and a baby on the way) but, looking back, I still can’t see that there were signs I should have seen that the first marriage would fail. My feelings were genuine, and hers seemed to be as well . The bottom line is that each partner only really KNOWS their own side of things, no matter how careful or diligent you are. If your husband/wife decides, for whatever reason, that the marriage is over, there is very little you can do.