The question of why some people become homosexual is truly up there with the greats. So much emotion, ideology, and idealism is vested in it that it’s almost not even surprising why the self-evident answer has been overlooked. Yet it’s really quite obvious.
Fact is, everyone sees physical, even sexual, beauty in both genders. What separates hetero- from homosexuals is in the mind. Yet at the same time, the processes that shape the mind are far more complicated than “choice.” As much as it’s not exactly a “choice” for someone to be homophobic.
All men are attracted to attractive men. The most popular guys in high school, the ones you thought were the coolest and wanted to be friends with most of all, were attractive. Male movie stars, celebrities, even popular athletes are all handsome. And lest you think the attraction between heterosexual men is purely platonic (which mostly it is), also consider the abundance of big, hard cock in all (ALL) heterosexual porn. Yet my point, in case you’re trying to anticipate what I’ll say, is not that “everyone is bi.”
Sexual orientation is a matter of self-identification. Ie, you’re gay when you consider yourself gay. So what makes people identify themselves that way? There are many reasons. One of the most powerful is homophobia itself. The image of the homophobe who’s actually gay is based on a reality, and caused by a powerful feedback loop on the idea that “straight men don’t see physical beauty in other men.” A homophobe will take this to heart, yet the reality of the above paragraph doesn’t change. The result is a long and soul-shattering process of Freudian-style suppression. The victim looks at some men, realizes that they are attractive, recognizes what is naturally in himself, and then feels a rush of panic because, according to everything he knows, it means he’s gay. He thinks more and more about it, with each thought causing him more and more pain and shame, until finally he comes out and says “I’ve been living a lie!”
Like I said, however, there are many other paths, most of which are much milder. For one, homosexuallity offers a community especially to those who are otherwise socially awkward. The commonality is a sort of glue that makes friendships and relationships easier to enter into (same as a common interest, such as Star Wars, but obviously much more powerfully).
In the mix are also various forms of “common sense” knowledge. That’s my tentative explanation for the link between being effiminate and homosexuality (which I don’t think is direct). People around you expect it of you, and you start to expect it of yourself. Do note that effeminism is not the sole, or even main, reason to provoke kids to call somoene gay (in the sexually-specific sense). Really, various forms of social awkwardness are more effective, which brings back the previous point.
The other major reason is plain convenience and sex. As a given society becomes more open to homosexuality, this reason rises in prominence.
For women the mix of reasons is quite different, but not entirely. The homophobia loop, the most powerful reason for men, is probably non-existant. Community I think is more imoprtant for women than men. As is awkwardness, especially around men (my tentative explanation for the link between butchness and lesbianism).
However, I do not mean to say that homosexuals can just stop being homosexual, any more than a straight person can just become gay. The mind just doesn’t work that way, and not just regarding sexual orientation. The men who were done in the by the homophobia loop are probably especially hard set.
If both genders are naturally sexually attracted to themselves, why is sexual reproduction so resilient? The answer is again in psychology. The fact is that it’s so hard for evolution to rewire the mind to see beauty differently (hell, most of us still think babies of other species are more attractive than our own) that it chose to rewire psychology instead. Homophobia I think was created by evolution to reign in men. Women, who lust less after sex, are steered more subty, eg by desires for a strong husband (or a butch female lover*). On the flipside, women are magnitudes more comfortable admitting other women are attractive, and even to have sexual relations with other women. In porn, it’s in fact easier to hire a girl to touch/kiss a female stranger than to hire her to have sex with a male stranger. The real mechanisms for why men pair up with women are undoubtedly fascinating, rich, and enlightening, but I won’t claim I’ve understood them. Let’s say it’s an area for further research.
*Studies show that homosexual females typically look for butch partners, even though heterosexual females are attracted to men with somewhat feminine features.
Genetics, meanwhile, still play a role. Everyone likes to think that a “genetic link” means there’s a protein somewhere that is a direct cause, but in fact genes work in mysterious, indirect ways. Genes certainly affect awkwardness. They may affect homophobia or a person’s response to the thought patterns of supression and obsession. They may do other things, and be a significant factor. Yet in the broadest strokes, everyone, genetically, is attracted to both genders. “I was born gay” has as much truth in it as “you made a choice.”
So you see, while the headline of this topic implied that I was about to give some crockpot or cliche treatise, I hope I’ve come off as giving a rather original and compelling perspective. I think the fact that the view of nearly every participant in the debate (priests, gays, scientists) is captured yet given new meaning is a testament to how the above is a synthesis that rises out of the bickering of theses and antitheses.
