Why should I listen to you?

Or why should I care what you have to say or write? Try to pick something outside your primary line of expertise. It is ok to call atention to your primary expertise as a qualifier if you choose.

I am sometimes entertaining. So in that circumstance you should listen to me. Then ignore what I say.

Why should I care whether you listen to me?

Because I’m holding a thermal detonator.

Win.

Because I’m rich, and you’re one of my employees. So if you want me to keep paying you, you had better reinforce my beliefs.

Because I am so. Fucking. Loud.

You shouldn’t.

Don’t ever listen to me. You will only end up drunk and ridiculed by polite society.

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'Cause I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

I’ve slept with more women than you have, which makes me objectively better than you.

Because I love you. I will love you harder and longer than anyone else possibly could. It will be a fierce and passionate love, the kind of love you deserve.

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Because I have seen every episode of Buffy, The Vampire Slayer and Angel. I can quote dialog.

If you’re really listening to me, then get the hell out of my house.

If instead you’re asking why you should read what I post, why not? I mean, what is it really costing you?

Because I’m a man, and therefore have an answer to every question.

On top of that, I have excellent moral character, so you’ll instinctively trust me even if I’m wrong.

I will present you with alternatives you haven’t considered. Whether you like them or not, your own arguments will be improved if you respond to mine.

You shouldn’t listen to me. You should read to me.

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Because if you don’t, I’ll hold my breath until I turn blue. Maybe I’ll even die and then you’ll be soooooooooooooooooory.

Because I’ll listen to you, in turn. It’s a kind of social contract.

We might even learn something.

My favorite so far!