Have you seen a picture of Ambivalid? Frankly, I’d ask for his help if I needed to carry some groceries into the house. He’s buff. He’s got muscles. He’s someone you can look at and say “Whoa, that dude is strong”.
He is NOT at all the same as an elderly woman in a wheelchair unless the only thing you’re looking at is the wheelchair.
Which is, I suspect, the problem.
They aren’t seeing him as a human being, they’re seeing him as a wheelchair.
Picture a woman with ginormous boobs. All the time, people are looking at her boobs. She keeps saying “look at my face, talk to me” and they keep staring at her boobs. She says she’s earned two doctorate degrees and has personally saved the lives of 5,000 orphaned children in refugee camps but all people ask her is “what’s your bra size?” But I have a mind, she says, I’m so much more than just my boobs. They ask if if they’re real, if she works in the “adult entertainment industry” like Maxi Mounds and wow, she could make a good living from her boobs and why should she bother going to college she could just sell her body and live easy. But she didn’t choose to have ginormous boobs and she wants her mind challenged and be treated like more than just a blow-up sex toy.
Picture Ambivalid, a man in a wheelchair. All the time, people are looking at his wheels. He keeps saying “look at my face, talk to me” and they keep staring at his wheels. He says he’s eating healthy and exercising and wins body-building championships and can bench-press a Buick but people just keep asking “can I open that jar for you? You poor delicate thing, don’t strain yourself.” But I am strong he says, I am so much more than just the chair and legs that don’t work. They ask if he’s on disability and wow, he could just sit back and let the money roll in from all those welfare programs they hear about, why bother working so hard when he could just watch movies and play video games all day. But he didn’t choose to have a spinal cord injury, he wants to be a strong, healthy guy and treated like more than just a disability and do things other than sit in front of a TV all day.
And, of course, if I’m wrong on that Ambivalid can say so (it’s not like we’re going to stop him!) but I’m saying all that not just based on his posts but also on living 30 years with someone who struggled to be seen as more than just a birth defect. It’s a problem that’s as common as dirt with anyone with a perceived disability.
Saying everyone who uses a wheelchair is the same is like saying all black people are the same and have the exact same needs, wants, desires, tastes… basically, it’s a prejudicial stereotype. You may be the kindest, most generous person in the world 99% of the time, but if you say that then you’re not looking at the person, you’re looking at the chair and you need to re-evaluate your world view. You’re saying that the wheelchair is the most important thing about him, more important than anything else could possibly be and no matter what else he accomplishes in life it will never, ever matter more than the fact he’s in a wheelchair. Everything is eclipsed and shadowed by the wheelchair and needs to be seen with that filter. If he discovered the cure for cancer tomorrow his bio would still read
Ambivalid the guy in the wheelchair who discovered a cure for cancer
rather than
Ambivalid the guy who discovered a cure for cancer who, by the way, needs an accessible stage on which to accept the Nobel Prize because he uses a wheelchair instead of walking.
No, the buff bodybuilder in the wheelchair is NOT the same as the frail elderly person in the wheelchair. How ever could you think that, unless you’re not seeing them as individual human beings?