I think that’s a reasonable position that any of us can relate to. As a woman, I’m often declining help multiple times for simple things I can do. I’m sure it just happens to you even more often given your specific situation, and can absolutely see how annoying it could be.
Me too. I’d also listen to a wheelchair user or a Pittsburg Steeler if they told me they didn’t need my assistance.
Please, people. Pittsburgh
In the scenario you describe, there is absolutely no distinction.
What I was saying was that people see the level of disability as exactly the same between young fit disabled people and very old frail disabled people. This is the reality I’ve come to know. I’m not screaming that it shouldn’t be this way or getting pissed at anyone for it, just observing the reality of it.
ETA: Because of this, people will offer me help with the same things that they would offer an elderly scooter user.
Dammit. I thought that looked wrong! :o
In terms of helping people even after they decline the offer, I think they should be evaluated the same: no matter how frail granny is, you let her be if she waves you off. And if someone who looks relatively able asks you for help, you give it to them without snarky thoughts, because the vast majority of people want to do for themselves as best they can.
Not if you live in California.
The day they have a team called the Steelers, we’ll talk
You can probably find enough burglary convicts in the county jail system to field a team called the Pittsburg Stealers…
Joseph, if that even is your real name, :dubious:. Fuck those people. Just punch them in the dick and go get a milkshake.
(Unless you’re not milk-i-fied or something. Then go get some jalapeno poppers. It’s ok, my Mom’s not a milk-i-fied person. That blows because she can’t have milk-shakes. Bodies are stupid.)
Mrs. Weasel, I respect you very much, but I am not a Uruguayan, but I do have a delicious recipe for toast and peanut butter.
First you take the mayonaise and throw that in the trash cuz, ewww mayonaise, then you take some toast and put something on it. I’d suggest some peanut butter. Or you cold do like the Commies do and put some milk on it.
I mean seriously, who likes milk?
I mean I do, but I’m a ding-dong.
Agreed.
I encountered today’s helpful person at the main entrance of a hospital which has those automatic sliding doors. She is exiting. I am using my walker and entering. I see the stunned “I Must Help This Man” glaze in her eyes and… she stops dead still right in the middle of the double door opening. Not enough room to her left. Not enough room to her right. I am NOT getting past.
I asked her to kindly move. Oh, my. The deer-in-the-headlights look is strong with this one. And she froze and managed to stammer that she was being helpful by holding the doors open for me.
OK. Gotcha. The automatic door sensor can recognize you and stay open but if it sees a walker it will get all confused and try to crush me.
Uh, gee. Thanks? for the help?
That is crazy.
I can definitely relate to that. Many times, when I am approaching a door and there are people in the vicinity, I can see them move haltingly to and fro as if not sure if they should go and grab the door for me. I’m usually long gone before they can decide.
My three suggestions:
- “Actually, if you want to help, do you mind checking my front bumper on my car? I’m worried I ran into the curb.” While they go check, you can go on in the business and out of their life.
- “When you ignore my refusal of an offer for help, it comes across as condescension. Don’t do that.”
- “What the fuck is LHOD doing offering suggestions for something he knows nothing about? Jesus fuck.”
OK, I see what you’re driving at, but we agree, an offer to help anyone, who looks like they may need it, is fine, but once it is declined, whatever the reason, move on.
I generally offer to hold the door for anyone with wheels. Given the people I generally interact with, that’s most often physically able men pushing carts. They almost always say “thanks” and accept my offer.
So I’d offer to hold the door for you, Ambivalid, no matter how strong you appear.
If you said “no thanks” I’d move along, though.
I don’t get the confusion people seem to have here.
It is NEVER wrong to offer to hold the door. The OFFER of help is not the problem here.
What is wrong is IGNORING THE RESPONSE to the offer. If someone says “no thanks, I’ll do it myself” then you need to respect that.
Why people somehow to construe this to mean offering is the offense is utterly baffling to me. Seriously, WTF?
Offer to assist everyone with doors, but don’t ignore a “no thanks”. Is it really that hard?
That’s not the issue. See thread title.
But it is the point of the latter discussion that has developed about whether it’s a faux pas to offer a young, fit disabled person help in all the situations you’d offer help to geandma on a scooter. By my reading, Ambivalid has admitted he feels somewhat put off when people offer him help becuase they have a knee jerk reaction to the chair and are blind to his actual fitness.
I tjink that frustration is very understandable, but I think I’m more sympathetic to a person being oblivious to what a person in a chair is capable of than to a person being rude enough to push help on a lerson after an offer is declined.