Hey,
Don’t fight, okay?
It was just a question!
Q
Thanks guys! I’m going to keep post-it notes in my car from now on just to leave snarky messages to people! 
I hate bad parkers, but I’ve never keyed a car. I have purposefully parked extremely close to another car on purpose before. At my current job, I get to manage vehicles. When members of the public or employees park in the reserved spaces where they’re not supposed to, I stick a 10 year old, dirty, dented Ford Escort next to their car so they can’t get in. Then I wait for them to either call me to move it or climb through their passenger’s side.
I have a truck no wider than a normal car but a lot longer - long enough so it takes up two spaces, front and back. When we have to take it to a lot we park it far away so we can take up two spaces without inconveniencing anyone.
No one parks next to us - maybe because they realize we could ram their car into the next lot without even noticing it.
I’ve done that. In college, with a serious parking space shortage, some moron parked a few feet over the line, but straight. I slowly eased my giant, old 1984 Buick LeSabre into the space he was intruding upon such that my car was centered perfectly in the space. When I got out and looked, I was so close to his car that I couldn’t even squeeze a finger between the my side mirror and his door, but my car did not touch his. When I got out and looked back, it looked as though he parked after my car was parked correctly. My roommate arrived shortly afterward and stuck a note on his car saying, “learn to park.” The next morning, Dingus’ car was gone, but the note had been moved to my windshield. I was perfectly centered in my space!
Months later, someone keyed my car. I suspect it was because of the rainbow sticker I had in the back window.
I should have taken a picture, just to show the world which car was in the wrong, and which inept moron to look out for on the roads.
When I’m Evil Overlord, I’m going to drive a beater car as my daily shopping car. I’ll have nails and fishhooks pounded outward from the metal body for parking jobs, making it resemble a metal hedgehog. That will accomplish two things A: Keep people from dinging my door since it will only puncture theirs if they slam into it, and B: if I have to squeeze into a half space because some dillweed decided they needed to take up two spaces
Oh, EvilTOJ, didn’t you get the memo? When you’re Evil Overlord, you get a special vehicle which simply flattens other vehicles, whether they have Offended Your Sensibilities in some way or just because you’re feeling pissy that day.
This is just one of the perks of the job, you know.