Nonsense: of course some words are forbidden in some contexts. “Forbidding” doesn’t mean anything except in a particular context.
Nothing you’ve said in any way refutes anything asserted by Johnny_Bravo in post #193, which seemed to be what you were attempting to disagree with.
As Johnny said in his example, the issue is not that harm is being directly caused when, say, a child innocently utters a racial slur at the breakfast table without understanding what it means. The issue is that once the child has been told that the word is a slur and shouldn’t be used, the excuse “but I didn’t mean anything bad by it!” is no longer valid.
Years ago, a friend of mine once used the phrase “Jewed him down” in my hearing.
I asked him, “Did you Christian him back up?” He realized what he’d said, apologized, and didn’t use the term again; at least not in my hearing.
Are you sure your friend isn’t trying to make the same point, and you’re just not getting it?
And the issue is further (also as @Johnny_Bravo said) that the child should be told that the word shouldn’t be used. The child should definitely not be told that it’s a slur but it’s fine to use it anyway as long as you don’t think anyone’s in hearing who is likely to object.
(If the word is in a complicated form of transition, and/or of ingroup-outgroup issues, you’re going to have to go by the age and ability of the particular child in deciding what to say. But even if there’s an element of “Uncle Z can use that word for X reasons” that doesn’t mean it’s OK for the child to use it randomly with friends.)
– FWIW, and coming into this thread rather late: agreeing with earlier comments that “Jew” is fine as a noun, when applicable and relevant, and when the context isn’t insulting; “Jewish” is fine as an adjective. Don’t switch them. Do capitalize them, at least unless you’re not capitalizing anything else either.
For me, it’s deliberately avoiding using “Jew” when that’s the correct word that’s questionable – for me, at least, it carries a distinct connotation of ‘there’s something wrong with being a Jew.’ I haven’t seen anybody avoiding, when relevant, saying that somebody’s a Christian, after all.
Oh, that brings back memories of the place I was born and lived most of my childhood as well. There were sort-of euphemisms: “of the Hebrew faith,” or “of the Jewish persuasion.” There were also people who would say the word, but drop their voice to a whisper: “oh, but she’s a Jew”. As you say, like it’s something shameful or there’s something wrong with being a Jew. I was lucky enough to have had a Jewish friend in 7th and 8th grade – I went to her Bat Mitzvah – that I learned a lot and did not grow up as ignorant as some of the people around me. I also read voraciously, and fought my own ignorance a lot.
I, too, prefer the word “Jew” when talking about a person. I say I’m a Jew, i don’t usually say that I’m Jewish, or otherwise avoid the word “Jew”. It’s what a grew up with, and it makes me anxious when other people dance around the word. “What, you think there’s something shameful about being a Jew?”
I’ll admit to having issues with the principle that seems to be at work here. This seems to be edging towards the “that’s our word” mentality. I feel a single rule should apply to everyone, regardless of their own sexual orientation.
It’s not so much a “who can use it” as a “how can I use it” idea. It’s true that it’s easier to use a word describing people as inclusive if you are described by the word than if you aren’t, but I think that in general it’s dicier to use any people-word in an exclusionary, othering way than to use it in an inclusive way. And that goes double for words that have a history of being used pejoratively.
I do think the adjective is okay for anyone to use in non-negative ways, it’s mostly the noun that you need to be careful with.
I don’t feel the main issue is with people using a questionable word to identify themselves as an individual. The potential problem I see is if people use a questionable word to identify a group of people, which they may or may not be a member of.
I can call myself an asshole and I doubt anyone would object to me doing so. But suppose I write that Americans are assholes; does it make a difference if I am an American or a Canadian? What happens if somebody reading my post doesn’t know my nationality?
Absolutely. I use it when talking to my daughter and her wife because they use it. In that very specific personal context it is fine. I would not use it among people who do not know me well.
I have to say I’ve been surprised in this thread, as in my circles the word has been entirely reclaimed and I hear it across major media all the time. Just today on the front page of the NY Times (electronic edition) is this sentence:
And I could go on and on. In my universe, I hear this word pretty much every day in a completely normal, non-offensive manner. I understand the distinction presented between noun and verb usage, and I agree there is a difference, but I’m always a bit surprised to catch a view outside my own bubble, I guess.
“Mattachine” was not, so far as I’m aware, ever a term for “homosexual.” One of the first gay rights orgs was the Mattachine Society, but the name came from a French Renaissance tradition of masked folk dancing, which itself was based on a stock character from Italian theater, Mattaccino, a jester-figure known for speaking truth to power.