Hey, no one would ever suspect someone from Amsterdam…
Does she have a phone in her room? Unscrew the cover of the phone jack, disconnect a few of the wires, and replace the cover. (This is easily fixable after she’s gone…) Remove all other phone in the apartment except in your room. Take all of the towels, toilet paper and any other ‘community property’ out of the bathroom. Then install the lock on the bathroom door. You might want to install one on your bedroom door, closet doors, kitchen cabinets if you can get away with it. Or just run a bicycle chain though them and padlock it. If you can’t lock it up where it’s at, move it to where it can be safely stored. I agree will all those who say to make her staying there as difficult as possible without breaking any laws. Hell, if you can get away with it, move all her stuff out while she’s gone. But she’s just not worth getting yourself in trouble for.
Did the roommate thing long ago… will never do it again. But I hope it all works out for you.
Good Luck!
Syl
Better yet, sign a new temporary
lease with your landlady, upping your rent signifigantly enough so she can’t afford to stay.
After she’s gone… rip the phony lease up.
Ironic that you suggested that from Va.
The Virginia Code Section §55.248.36 provides that “Landlord may not refuse to permit tenant access to a unit unless refusal is pursuant to a court order.” Furthermore, a residential landlord is also forbidden from denying essential services to his tenant, such water, heat, or electricity, in an effort to force out that tenant.
From: http://www.gross.com/publications/articles/artres&com.shtml
It sounds like Heloise has learned the same thing as my brother. Lease or no lease, she has established residency and is not tresspassing according to the law.
I hate to see you go through the same shit as my brother, Heloise. I think the fastest and most efficient way to get rid of her (outside of the murder thingy ;)) is to bag the legal eviction stuff and just make her life hell. Crap, I bet we could all put our Doper minds together and come up with some evil ideas.
Heloise, first of all, you MUST establish that she has yet to pay for the current month’s rent. Serve her a “Notice to pay rent or quit”. It allows 72 hours for her to pony up or else.
That’s really all I can add from my experience. I had almost the very same thing happen to me, except my pig/asshole/alky roommate moved out on time. I’d served him several times and every time he finally paid the rent.
Good luck…
Sam
WARNING: Much of the following advice may not be technically, or even remotely, legal. They are offered in the spirit of good humor as a way of relieving the stress of your living situation, and should not be put into actual practice. Nudge nudge wink wink.
Every night, before you go to sleep, dump a bucket of ice water in her bed.
While she’s sleeping, sneak into her room, make your way quietly to her bedside, and give her the hardest slap you can muster. Flee before she can figure out what just happened.
Have a guy friend pretend to stalk her. Watch what she does at the apartment, tell it to your guy friend, and have him call her and describe it to her. i.e. “You looked really hot in that blue shirt you were wearing when you made that bowl of Beef-a-Roni.”
That person who was going to store stuff in her room? Let them store it there anyway. Just pile it on top of her crap.
Get a friend to help you move all of her stuff into a storage locker somewhere. Then, have your friend move all of her stuff into RFH’s room. If she tries to get the cops on you, pretend not to know her and have your friend claim to have been living there for the last six months.
Call up the Dept. of Homeland Security. Say your worried about RFH’s high level of falaffel consumption.
Rent two storage lockers. Take all her crap and lock it up in one. Lock her up in the other.
Open a chain of restaurants called Heloise’s Long Pig Delight. Invite RFH to the grand opening for “dinner.”
Stop addressing her by name. If you need to get her attention, use “you freeloading slut.” Also, open every conversation with, “Hey, when are you moving out?” Example: “Hey, you freeloading slut, when are you moving out?”
I’m rather trepiditious about this one. Use only as a last result: Celine Dion. “My Heart Will Go On.” All day, every day.
While she’s sleeping, nail her bedroom door shut. Set fire to house.
Hold it! I have found the ULTIMATE solution! It’s no fair to Heloise, but neither is this whole situation.
Heloise, here’s what you do. Move to a different apartment. (Preferably, one in the same complex). Boom! Your roommate is now SOMEBODY ELSE’S PROBLEM! In fact, since the apartment is now officially vacant, your landlady would have legal cause to evict her. Never mind that all the utilities would be shut off (and make sure they all were disconnected the day you moved out. And don’t tell your roommate you’re leaving until the day of.). I know it sounds drastic, but would it really be any more trouble than trying to get her to move on your own?
Google “California unlawful detainer”. There may be books and/or online legal services that can help you. The first one I found will let you access their stuff for about $40.
I would trust that over the legal opinions expressed here (no offense intended).
Without expressing any legal opinions about your case, FYI, the quickest unoppoesd eviction typically runs something like this:
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Serve 3-day notice to pay or quit (3 days)
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File a complaint once notice time runs, allow time to answer complaint (5 days)
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If no answer filed, then take the tenant’s default and request clerk’s default judgment for possession of the premises. Get a writ of possession based upon the judgment. (1 day)
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Give the writ to the sheriff for service with instructions to the sheriff on what they should do. Wait for sheriff to serve. (14 days)
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Wait for the time to run after service of the writ. (5 days)
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Coordinate with the sheriff to evict and have locks changed simultaneously. (1 day)
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Apply for a court judgment to finalize the case. (1 day)
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Serve tenant with notice of abandoned property, if any. Allow tenant time to claim and collect abandoned property. (15 days)
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Enforce the court judgment for back rent, if any, as needed or desired.
If you establish your case and if she doesn’t fight it, she could theoretically be out in 30 days. If she fights it, or if she leaves personal property behind, or if the sheriff can’t get around to serving the writ, then add time.
It’s not easy, but it’s possible to do this yourself with the right guidance, and I’m not sure SDMB is the place for walking through the unlawful detainer technicalities.
Good luck!
She was fucking the Chef for a better grade?? Say what?
neuroman, yes, the chef instructor.
Good news, everyone!
I guess my point really came across, finally, because she dragged a bunch of her friends over and they all carted her stuff out! YAY! Thank you all so much for your support. I guess her other friends finally finished what they were supposed to do with their house last week and she decided that the environment was much friendlier elsewhere. Go figure! 
She didn’t even really pack, just shoved everything in garbage bags or dragged it out as is.
The funny/sad thing is, all her friends were giving me “looks” so I know they are all thinking I’m the wicked witch of the west. Ah, well. If they only knew. But, she decided to leave and, as much stress as she caused me by living here, I am that much relieved that she is gone.
Thanks again, everyone. The ear/shoulder really made this better.
Wa-hey!
So what if they were giving you looks. Hey, they were probably just ogling you anyway.
Too bad she couldn’t wait another 4 weeks so I could help her move out. Oh, and don’t forget to have the locks changed, she may have made a copy of the keys.
Damn.
I was really looking forward to finding out how some of these suggestions worked. Especially Miller’s.
I’m so glad she’s out of your flat. Good riddance to her!
Yippee!
The one who allows her to move in with them will learn soon enough.
Twenty bucks and a screwdriver is insurance well spent.
YAY!
Much YAY! And much good riddance of the :wally!
RFH’s friends’ “looks” are to be expected. RFH used you, she probably is using her friends by telling them how mean you were by insisting she pay rent or move out when she said she would.
Long may this RFH roast in the Pit.
And yet another voice for “change all the locks today.” Plus a piece of technical advice: Any mail you might receive for RFH, mark it “Return to sender – moved, no forwarding address.” (If by chance RFH did leave a forwarding address, whether you forward her mail or return it depends on your preference.)
I just now peeked in here to find that RFH left on her own. Damn!
My mother in law inherited some properties(3 houses) in a declining neighborhood in the 60’s and she was constantly embroiled in one mess or another with tennants who either wouldn’t pay, wouldn’t clean or (my favorite) moved out in the middle of the night.
When she was no longer able to physically manage it, my husband and myself took over the job. We promptly sold two of the houses that needed a lot of repairs and sunk a little money into fixing up the nicest one that was left. We rented it out for two years and then decided that it simply was not worth the hassle. We ended up selling it and reinvesting the money in building our current home.
Since I never really was very good at being a slum lord, I’ll share what little I learned.
Never rent to friends or even worse relatives.
Get everything in writing.
Keep all rent and deposit monies in a separate account.
Never let anyone slide no matter how good the excuse.
Be prepared to spend a lot of time in small claims court
Learn all the deputy sheriffs names cause you will be spending a lot of time with them.
This thread has been enlightening because my mother has decided to get us roommates…(“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THIS CANNOT BE”).
I have decided to booby-trap my door.
I know you were joking Lizard, but I’ve actually had to do this once to shake off some unashamedly persistant hangers-on. I HATE moving–deeply–but in this case it was SO worth it.
And I’m glad your leech took off on her own Heloise–there’s very few things more stressful than having your own home turned into some kind of passive-agressive battlefield.