Long time doper, but throwaway account because of the nature of the post.
My wife and I have been together for nearly six years. When we were first dating we had an open relationship. We would have sex with others semi-frequently and participate in group sex occasionally, but slowly tapered off after about two years. We never had any jealousy issues, we were always open and honest. We started new careers and life just got a little too busy to accommodate that lifestyle.
Fast forward to about six weeks ago and she revealed to me that she had started talking to another man she found on reddit. She told me that it was through the BDSM subreddit and the reason she didn’t tell me right away because she was embarrassed about the nature of the conversations. She was exploring some new aspects of herself and was finding that she enjoyed playing the submissive role.
I did my best to be supportive and let her know that while I didn’t approve of her starting to talk to someone without my knowledge I understood why she did it. We talked about it at length and I encouraged her to explore this part of her sexuality.
A few weeks later she became frustrated that the individual she was talking to seemed to have no intention of actually meeting and physically exploring what they had been discussing. She began speaking with another man she also found through reddit. This gentleman lived closer to us and was available and willing to meet in person.
She met him for the first time about a month ago. This is where things started to go south. After their first meeting her communication with him became constant. Emails, texts, etc. She would often ignore me to talk to him. One Sunday night he texted asking her to come over and she literally hopped out of bed with me to start getting ready to go see him. I was very upset that she was leaving me to go be with him at a moments notice. We had a pretty big fight, but we established some boundaries. I, and our marriage, have to come first before any other person or activity.
However, over the next several weeks things just got worse. She continued to spend all of her free time communicating with him and setting dates. She refused to respect my boundaries when it came to when she could see him or participate in BDSM play/games.
Finally, on Saturday(30th) I had enough and was ready to leave. She made another date against my explicit wishes that our Thanksgiving weekend be family time. She begged and pleaded with me to stay. Asking for one last chance. I presented her with the ultimatum that she had to choose between him or me. She told me she would cut off all contact and put our marriage first.
This past Sunday, I found out that she was still talking to him. I left and went to a hotel.
I’m lost about what to do. I love her very much, but I don’t know how we can move forward at this point.