Several years ago the cutest little black dog showed up in my back yard. I tried to find his owner, but being unsuccessful I adopted him myself. I went through some hard times since then, I lost my house, and was homeless for a while. During these times Pokey was my only friend. Since then, I never went anywhere without him.
He was the greatest little guy. Three months ago, I was staying with a freind and his dog broke out and took my little guy with him. Pokey would never have wandered off on his own. He went out into the street and was run over in the prime of his life.
I don’t seem to be getting over it. Anything that reminds me of him makes me lose it and start crying. I can muddle through most of the time but it is like all the fun has left me. I miss him so terribly. He was so smart and fun and nice and I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I let him down, that If I had been more careful that day I could have prevented it. I can’t forgive my friend for his carelessness letting his dog out of control like that.
I want to get another dog, but I can’t imagine doing it. I can’t imagine any dog that could take his place. He was my special little guy. I try to be active and take my mind off him, but it never works for long.
I got over my parent’s passings more easily than this. They lived full and wonderful lives. Pokey was a hard luck case and I was going to do my best to make his life great. Now I just have pain and regret, and the fear that I will never be happy again.
If you have a pet that you love, be careful. It only takes a minute or two for your whole world to change. The little guy just wanted to have some fun that day. He never could have realized the danger. I hope he had some idea how much I loved him. Now I just feel like joining him sometimes.
I don’t know if I am asking anything, but if someone wants to comment that is fine. It just seems like I should be feeling better but I never seem to. As my handle suggests, I am generally a happy person, but not any more, and I don’t see things getting better in the future. I know this probably sounds strange, but I can’t seem to function without my litlle doggie.
I am so very sorry. I wish there was an easy answer for you, but all I can say is it will take time.
To me, losing a well-loved pet is different from losing a human in that the pet loves unconditionally. They never judge, they never make you feel inadequate. All humans in your life do this at on time or another.
Give yourself time to heal before you consider getting another dog, but eventually, do yojurself a favor and do so. You will thank yourself, and the new doggie will thank you 100 times over. You won’t be doing a disservice to this little guy-on the contrary, by getting another dog, you will be honoring his memory.
If you would like to talk, please e mail me , my address is in my profile.
I lost a good friend in a similar fashion many years ago. Like you, I grieved terribly. You cannot erase the pain by getting another dog but you can love another dog and that’s a really good feeling that helps. You’ll never forget Pokey, but it will get easier to think about him and remember the good times.
When you mourn anyone - be it a pet or a human being - you probably will never get “over it”, but the pain lessens and you can remember them without hurting so much. There will still be times that it hurts, but you can remember the good times as well. Just my experience.
I’m very sorry…I’ve been there more than once (including being homeless with a dog, BTW) and an untimely death is difficult and sad. I think many of us who’ve had animals in our lives have dealt with this, one way or another.
Yes, time heals. There are organizations - check online, or with your humane society - that provide help and support in dealing with a pet’s death.
No dog will ever take Pokey’s place, you are correct. He was a unique little being; they all are.
However you have a place in your heart to care for another animal. It’s an individual’s choice, of course. My instinct is to see the death of a pet as an opportunity to give another deserving animal a good home. It seems especially good-karmic to get a dog from a shelter - one who will most likely otherwise be killed.
I used to foster dogs and fell in love with one of them, so I kept him, his name was Jake. He was an awesome little black street dog and never got over his love of cruising alleys and Dumpsters. One night I didn’t latch the back gate properly, he got out and I heard him get hit. I raced to the ER with him but it was too late. It was my own stupid and awful mistake. That was six years ago and I still get choked up…but I have other dogs who will never replace him and give me great joy.
If this is truly making everything in your life unhappy, I suggest some counseling, or finding a group of people (online or IRL) who have dealt with this. That may help.
((hugs)) It sucks.
And ditto what Papsett said, if you want to vent offlist you may email me too.
It’s just that the dog very probably saved my life during my low period and I couldn’t even return the favor. I was sick with the flu and the other dog got out and I didn’t realize the danger until it was too late. I should have known better and acted, but I wasn’t thinking clearly.
I just don’t know if I could have another dog. Pokey was my first and I just can’t see being with another one. I miss him every moment. I dream about him. I dream that he is alive and I am with him and then I wake up and lose it all over again. Every time I see someone with their dog I just lose it.
I am gettting old and I have done everything I care to do. I am in constant pain from injuries and I know my health is declining. He was the reason I got up every day. Now I am just marking time it seems. Nothing is fun. Nothing is good. I just feel like being done, but I don’t have the will to do that either so I just slog along and try to maintian my commitments to others. I am going to try and sleep now. I will check back in this thread later. Thaks for all the kind words.
It WAS NOT your fault. It could have happened to anybody. I’m extremely careful with my dogs, but my youngest has escaped the house twice-- I’m extremely fortunate I managed to catch him before something happened.
Your pain is completely understandable. Guilt is a normal rection after we lose a loved one-- it’s part of the process.
I know the idea is painful for you, but you may want to consider getting another dog. You will never be able to replace Pokey, but you could honor his memory by saving another dog’s life from being ended at the pound.
I think that you’ll be surprised at how healing having another dog in your life can be. It sounds like you could use a little joy in your life, and god knows, a dog gives you plenty of it.
Don’t be embarassed to seek professional help in dealing with your grief. Only the most insensitve asshole would snort and say “It’s just a dog.” Love is love and grief is grief-- most of us understand that. Sometimes, just talking about your pain with someone who understands it can be enormously beneficial.
I wish you the best. It never stops hurting, but after a while, you start focusing on the joy your loved one brought to you while they were here. Be thankful you had the time with Pokey that you did, and don’t be afraid to share your heart again.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I know that you still love and miss Pokey. It is always quite difficult to have a pet pass away. I know, as I’ve always had dogs and cats, and I’ve loved them dearly! Just like you love Pokey. You’ll never forget Pokey, but you shouldn’t deny yourself the joy of having another dog. I’m sure Pokey would agree!
Your grief just shows that you still have so much more love to give! Please go to the shelter and begin looking for another dog! You would make an abandoned and lonely dog very happy to have a warm, soft place to sleep at night, toys to play with, good food to eat, someone to take him on walks, someone to give him yummy treats, someone to scratch his ears and pet him, someone to play with, and someone for that dog to love…and a human to love him back!
Remember, you can go to the shelter and just look around. You don’t have to bring a dog home right then. Just remember that each of those dogs is in dire need of a home. It won’t hurt to just go look! You never know. You might just find another friend!
After I had my first child, I didn’t think I could ever love a child as much as I loved her. I was wrong. After allowing yourself some appropriate grieving time (6 months to a year), visit a shelter and find a new pal.
I’m sure your friend feels very guilty about your dog getting hit. He didn’t deliberately hurt you, so find a way to forgive him. Dogs are wonderful but they are no substitute for human friends.
You sound clinically depressed.
Forgive me for saying this, but if you are feeling this way after the loss of a loved one (dog, friend, family member) three months after the death, it’s time to get some help. Counselling, medication, something.
Honest. Please reach out and get some help, you seem terribly sad and you don’t need to be.
Well, I think my depressoin is situational, but it doesn’t help to have a lot of physical problems. I can’t really get another dog right now. It wouldn’t feel right, and I am extremely busy helping a friend complete his independent film so I don’t have the time to devote to a new animal right now.
I don’t have a lot of faith that counseling is an answer (in any situation, actually, I think shrinks are all quacks), and I certainly am not going to get hepped up on a bunch of pills. Masking grief isn’t the same as dealing with it. I just have to take it day by day and try to keep busy.
As far as my friend is concerned, it is just one thing after another with that guy. I think he has ADD. He never can focus on one thing at a time and is always running off in all directions. He has been cited twice for having his dogs run loose. He has two Pit Bulls as well as the stupid Jack Russell mix that led Pokey away. They have escaped numerous times, and should they attack a child or something one day he would be in a world of shiat. There is always drama over there, and I can’t be around that stuff. Like I say, I am getting too old for that sort of thing. I am hoping to hang with my girlfriend tonight and seeing her dog helps me a little. She is a great border collie mix, but she could never replace my little guy.
And don’t worry, I’m not going to do myself in anytime soon. My advancing decreptude may bring me to that point someday, but not yet It is not easy living with chronic pain, folks and combined with other conditions, well, eventually there will be a tipping point. I believe life is for enjoyment. Beyond that, what’s the point? I don’t owe the world anything. And I do enjoy reading the paper every day. Given good health, I would prefer to live forever, if only to see how humanity winds up.
I don’t think you need medication-- just someone to talk to. Don’t you feel a tiny bit better for getting all of this out, even into the void of cyberspace? Trust me, it’s much metter talking to someone in person.
But you don’t even have to talk to a shrink if the idea really bothers you. There are probably plent of support groups in your area for people dealing with the loss of a pet. It’s very informal-- usually just a handful of people, some coffee and donuts, and everyone gets to talk about their grief and help to comfort one another. Everybody’s in the same boat.
I suffer chronic pain, too, with no hope of it ever getting better. I really do think my dogs help me keep from getting depressed. Just watching the stupid things they get into and their cute poses makes my heart smile.
I have absolutely no doubt that you did just that. His life may have been short, but it was undoubtedly wonderful due to your love and affection for him. Some friends are meant to be around for life and some are meant to only touch us for a short time. I don’t know why that is, but it is.
I had to rehome a Shar-Pei that I loved very dearly after a divorce 12 years ago and it was awful. I cried for YEARS over that dog, even though I had other dogs and I knew he had a good home. He always just made me so happy and that was gone in a flash. I understand your sadness. I was speaking about him the other day to my husband, specifically about the day they came to get him and I nearly started crying AGAIN. After all of this time!
Anyway, I will say this: Dogs are fantastic natural mood lifters, and chronic pain is a natural mood killer. I say this as a chronic pain sufferer- be very careful not to deny having depression if you do have it. You say you have a situational depression (brought on by the loss of Pokey), but I’d still suggest seeing a competent pain management type of doctor, as chronic pain can creep in and cause actual physical depression. It’s possible that you’re confusing the two and suffering needlessly. Just my 2 cents.
“For some people, the stress and depression resulting from chronic pain can become consuming, and can even worsen and prolong the pain. Increased pain can, in turn, lead to increased stress and depression, creating a cycle of depression and pain that can be difficult to break.”
I went years without realizing I had symptoms of depression at all, but in fact I did. I’m much better now and enjoy life despite it. Also, I adopted a little black dog almost 2 years ago that I named Foster who is the love of my life. I hope you’re able to find another dog friend someday, not as a substitute for what’s lost, but as a companion for all that’s to come.
I had a compression fracture of the T7 many years ago. Many doctors have told me there is nothing they could do for me. I finally went to a chiropracter out of desperatoin and he made the problem worse. :eek:
When I get over this movie deal I will try to get a new animal. The pain isn’t a cause of my depressoin because I lived with it for years with no depression. Now I am dealing with blood pressure/sugar issues, so I can’t even eat what I want. Now THATS depressing.
My cat Larry was my best little friend for years. When he died, I cried a lot, prayed a lot. The thing that helped the most was to think about how grateful I was that he was put in my life, that I this sweet little soul could be with me during those difficult times, that the love of this animal is part of my story. Meditating on gratitude brought me much peace.
Perhaps you cannot return the favor directly to him, but when you are ready for another dog, you can honor his memory by adopting a shelter dog and likely saving that pup’s life.
I’m so sorry about Pokey. Dogs have always played such an important part in my life, and while I have lost several to old age, I cannot imagine one snatched from me in the prime of his life. Your post made me cry. All I can say is give yourself time. Let yourself grieve as long as you need. It does get easier to go on eventually.
Even when it’s expected, it hurts so much when they leave you. I still have Sam’s dog bed. Sam died 3 years ago. I can’t get rid of it. Katie (my recent Bassett “rescue”) is currently sleeping on it. It makes me happy to see her there.
Good idea to see if you can find another friend- and please, stop blaming yourself. It won’t bring Pokey back and it just plain wasn’t your fault. Bad things do happen sometimes, awful as it is.
Please keep in mind what I said about the pain, though, and maybe run it by a doctor next time you see one. I believe that the depression that chronic pain can cause is nearly always not seen by the person living it. Chronic pain can cause you to lose good sleep and cause many other physical maladies that can put you in a low level funk for a long, long time. Just keep it in mind, that’s all I’m saying.
Best to you. Please come back and share pictures when you find yourself a new friend. I know when I had to rehome my Shar-Pei, I would have been very happy to have given him to someone like you. You’re going to make some lonely dog very happy and vice-versa.
When we lost our cat, Pants, almost two years ago, I didn’t think we’d ever get over it. He was only four when he died. I think it’s especially difficult to lose a pet unexpectedly. You have no time to prepare yourself for it. Months later, both my husband and I would still cry about it. Then, almost a year ago, we decided it was time to bring home another cat (we still had two at home). We went to the humane society and picked one out. I won’t say it didn’t take some time to warm up to her, because it did. She wasn’t Pants, and she wasn’t going to replace him. But we still had plenty of love to give, and we love her for the unique animal she is. (Unbeknownst to us, she was also pregnant when we got her, and had three kittens! We gave away two and kept one.)
Basically, what I’m trying to say is that you won’t be able to replace Pokey. I understand that all too well. But you do have plenty of love to give—you give off the vibe of a very caring soul—and would be able to love a new pet in a unique way that it deserves. Maybe you could just try going to a humane society or shelter first and see if any of the animals move you. There might be a very special pet just waiting for you! Also, maybe you don’t want to get a dog again right away, but there are plenty of other pets that you could consider.
Good luck to you!
It is not easy living with chronic pain, folks and combined with other conditions, well, eventually there will be a tipping point. I believe life is for enjoyment. Beyond that, what’s the point? I don’t owe the world anything. And I do enjoy reading the paper every day. Given good health, I would prefer to live forever, if only to see how humanity winds up.