Yeah - I disagree with you if you are saying that little kids - or people in general - are not capable of being manipulative.
IMO, this kid has learned that when he acts a certain way, his mom is going to give him a ton of attention. This was far from an isolated event. And the youngest person got to dictate how things went for 8 people including 6 adults, such that he got what he wanted (pie) earlier than he was intended to. What word do you believe better describes such learned behavior than manipulation?
Sure, moving to a new house is stressful for a young kid. But IMO, this would’ve been a perfect opportunity (of the countless opportunities presented to parents) to reinforce the importance of such values as patience, and considering everyone else’s wants and needs. There are plenty of times at which everything revolves around a kid’s wishes. I think it important to teach kids to realize that that is not ALWAYS the case. Their wishes and preferences will always be considered, but they do not always dictate.
It’s really amazing how fast the children pick up the ways to get what they want.
And, you have constantly, continuously reinforce correct behaviors. Til you turn blue.
I still worry about Son-of-a-wrek some days. (Age 30)
Whenever my kids were bummed or sad about something I’d encourage them to express their feelings. They didn’t need logical explanations at the time they wanted to vent a little or a lot😜
The little guy missed his old room, I might’ve commiserated with him and shared that yes we had a lot of great memories there didn’t we. What are some of yours?
The business about manipulating for pie is silly! The adults reacted to the situation it seems by waiting for permission to take their walk. Ain’t nobody got time for that, Take the walk! Leave the child and Mom or Dad behind if necessary. Pie will be served when we return. Then leave.
Cannot agree more. Pathological narcissists are manipulative. The rest of us just do the best we can with the tools we have learned to use. I don’t even know what “manipulative” means in the context of children – the way it’s used is “that child made me do or feel something I didn’t want to.” Except adults have agency. Children don’t.
This was also my strategy. There’s a whole lot of emotional suffering that can be assuaged with sympathy and understanding alone, without changing the situation in any other way. Doesn’t just go for children.
It’s never nice to label children. Unless it’s a diagnosis.
Of course manipulation occurs. Whether it’s willful, destructive or harmless can only be determined by circumstances .
As I said, it’s the Adult in the room who has to respond correctly. If they stomp out calling the child names they’re not teaching any more than giving in to the kid whining for pie.
The Adult with all the agency needs to be the Adult. And so many do not. Then we have a whining 18yo sitting in the basement eating ho-hos and drinking orange pop, playing videogames instead of becoming adults themselves.
ETA…this does not mean you have to be mean and abusive and never cuddle your child. There will be decisions you have to make based on the circumstances.
You guys are a hoot. Sure, most things are done to get what one wants. But people differ in terms of what they want and the techniques they choose to try to get them. But you feel there is no utility or validity in distinguishing between different approaches other than to simply describe them all as “learned behavior”. Freaking brilliant!
We all know kids, if you’ve ever encountered a sleepy 4yo, who will beg, bargain, whine and scream to stay up later by more and more bad behavior. Til they pass out.
That is a form of manipulation by wearing you down. If you give in enough it will creep into every aspect of their lives. Til it’s all you do. Try to figure out how far you have to bend to their will.
Just to keep some kinda peace in the joint.
Take my word, the behavior is catchy. One kids succeeds and you have all of the kids in the house doing it.
Of course, it’s not always every kid. Some children are just easy.
Beware, don’t compare your kid to anyone else’s or your other children.
It doesn’t help. It hurts.
We are manipulated in every way. The press, the social media, family, friends and lovers. Politicians. Medical professionals.Teachers. Art and music.
Stranger walking down the sidewalk with shoes you want on their feet.
Even the very drugs we take to heal us are manipulating our bodies to do things they don’t wanna do.
I don’t think you can avoid it.
Interesting. I honestly had no idea that people had such dislike for what impresses me as a perfectly valid word. I have a pretty decent vocabulary, and IMO, it is the best word to describe certain behaviors and persons. If I were aware of a better word, I would use it.
Do you similarly disfavor scheming, cunning, conniving, devious…? Or are those all simply better described as “learned behavior”?
As wrong as I think you are, and as much as I will continue to use the word when I feel it appropriate, I guess is is of some value to realize that there are some people who feel as you folk do.
It’s an ok word. It means so much that’s useful in language.
Maybe a spoiled(worse word?) Child with problems about whining and wanting what they want, damn everyone else could be described differently.
I know you can teach them a different way.
Too many parents want an easy way out. Sorry folks there’s no easy way. It’s hard work. And luck plays a part in it.
I worry about you too!