I honestly have to ask where you’ve been shopping.
Tiffany’s designs are copied by pretty much every good jewelry retailer I’ve ever seen. There’s no difference in quality between a Tiffany ring and rings from two dozen other places.
Keep shopping.
This is what stood out to me. Is it a gift from you, or is it a communal purchase? This seems important to me.
My engagement ring was bought after we were engaged and were sharing finances. I felt the same way–that I’d rather the money went toward something practical rather than a ring that I’d be nervous about wearing anyway. I would have been quite upset if my then-fiance had gone against my wishes and spent quite a bit of (soon to be communal) money on something I’d specifically said I did not want. It wouldn’t have boded well for the future.
If you’re already planning big purchases together, I think she’s got a say. She may feel the way I did, or she could feel guilty about spending it on something “frivolous,” but really want the expensive ring, or it she could feel something else entirely.
If you are going into debt (soon to be shared) or spending communal money, then you should talk to her and include her in the purchase because it’s a quite large communal purchase. If it’s something that you can buy outright out of your own funds, it’s a* gift*, and you should give her what you want that is within the realm of something she’d like.
1.) Take the ring money to your broker, and buy her shares of AFLAC (for example.)
2.) Take the lady to Jared, where you can propose over a pair of Subway Club sandwiches. Show her the transaction record from the broker, and she’ll know she’s not about to marry a fool.
3.) If she wants some bling to show her friends, go to Kohl’s and the two of you can pick out a beautiful cubic zirconia ring. Not one of her friends will be able to tell it isn’t a diamond. Because you picked it out together, there’s complete honesty between you.
Unless you are “McDuck wealthy,” there is no good excuse for blowing your hard-earned money on a diamond engagement ring. In your lifetime, it will never be worth half what you paid for it.
Why not let HER pick out the ring she wants, if it’s causing so many problems?
And if you MUST have something from Tiffanys, why not go here and get something for the new kitchen? See, now THAT is win-win!
I also have my grandmother’s ring, and I don’t care if Papap got it out of a gumball machine-it’s GRAMMA’s and that’s what counts.
Besides, IIRC, when they first got engaged, George Burns was so poor all he could give Gracie Allen was a cheap, 20 dollar band that tarnished in a few months. And I believe she wore it until the day she died. That to me is far more romantic than some over-sized bauble that’s more about the cash than the sentiment behind it.
And for future generations it will be priceless. So what’s your point?
If you’ve discussed with her what kind of ring she wants-- and it seems like you have-- then it would be a bit rude to ignore her wishes and get her what you want, especially when you are the one concerned with impractical things like designer names and non-existent granddaugthers’ heirlooms and status symbols. This is a ring for her. It’s not about you.
I like diamonds and want a diamond engagement ring. But I’m very much like your fiancee in that I would rather put money toward something practical rather than blow it on a shiny thing on my finger. If my SO proposed with an expensive, name-brand ring that cost more than $2000, I would not be as pleased as one should be at such a moment. I wouldn’t make him return it, but every time a lack of money was an issue, I would probably look at the ring and wish I could downgrade it for the extra cash. And I would hate feeling that way about my ring.
Unless they think it’s worth it.
“Worth” is a subjective concept. What you think is worthless may be valuable to someone else. I’m sure you have possessions I wouldn’t have bought with someone else’s money; that doesn’t mean your possessions don’t have value to you.
From how you’ve described your girlfriend, I don’t think she’s that shallow to be secretly lusting after the Tiffany & Co. ring and deny it when you ask. There are wonderful jewelers out there that can do amazing things; some of them are even on the internet. Just make sure that whatever you get is high quality, and that you didn’t spend too much just because of the packaging.
Personally, I got a titanium ring with a white sapphire as my engagement ring, and I love it. I’m tough on jewelry, which is why we went with titanium, and I’m not a “diamond” person, but my SO felt that he had to get something that was “conventional” enough that it wouldn’t look like a regular ring. I do, however, like that it is pale blue in hue in certain angles; a diamond could never match up to what I got out of the sapphire I have.
Take your girlfriend ring shopping and see what she likes; in this situation, what you like doesn’t really matter, as she’s the one who has to wear it. The things that matter most are that it’s meaningful to both of you, it fits, and you didn’t spend too much money on it when there are obviously other places that money could go to. Antiques and heirlooms are not purely jewelry, so if you want to invest in something as an heirloom, pick something for the house. Rings are much more easily lost or stolen than, say, a nice piece of art or a good set of china.
To me, this is a case of the entire purpose is the message. This message is all about you and how you feel. That little blue box could be empty and the result the same. You are telling her how you feel. If that box is announcement to the world that you have lots of money and want to show off-and you and she are OK with that-go for it. Better yet, if the message is that you love her and it makes you happy to splurge your money on something you expect to please her, the blue box makes sense. OTOH, if you want the blue box to impress her friends without regard to how she feels about it, check out the internet sales. Family heirlooms can be anything, Grandad’s old rocking horse may be a more treasured heirloom than some rocks in obsolete settings. The point of this process is to tell her what you feel. She will, conciously or unconciously, judge you and your honesty in communicating to her, in part on this. Does she understand your motive? Is she OK with your motive? Does she believe you? If so, it is a success. Whether or not it is a blue box.
Diamonds have got to lose their intrinsic appeal soon. Anyone can order any size/color/quality from a manufacturing facility in any quantity desired. But the message stays the same whether the stone is large or small, natural or manmade. Natural diamonds will always have a value just because they are natural. That will be part of their message.
Thanks for your knee-jerk reaction and judgment-before-facts response. I guess you find it hard to pass up an opportunity for a moralising, self-righteous rant. I’m sure you’re a bunch of fun to know.
For the record, I didn’t say anything about lying or deceiving. My suggestion, which was light-hearted, was that the two people involved could get the best of both worlds by buying the inexpensive ring and putting it in the same presentational packaging that the expensive ones come in. I didn’t say he has to deceive her. They could adopt this approach jointly.
Although my suggestion was meant in a light-hearted way, there is some serious intent behind it. The diamond industry is corrupt. It’s a cartel with a lot of blood and slavery on its hands. There is no need to go along with the brainwashing of their advertising, and to assume that the more expensive the ring, the greater the sign of love and devotion. Surely there isn’t a woman alive who would still make the serious error of thinking that ‘The more money he spends on me, the more I can be sure he loves me’. The difference between the ‘cheap’ ring and the ‘expensive’ one is insignificant to all but an expert, and in any case what should be important is the qualities of the giver, not the alleged qualities of the over-hyped shiny stone.
This is also stellar advice. Despite having sold many an antique engagement ring (two so far this month!) my own rings were hand-made from diamonds we/I hand-picked. Barely a day goes by when I don’t get a compliment on the unusual setting. Take some-one with you who knows how to pick diamonds.
i agree with the shop together, buy whatever she wants idea. same deal with the heirloom, it is the story that is important, not just something expensive you blew your kitchen upgrades on.
congratulations on the wedding. 
I would put it in a temp setting to hold the diamond and then go out and choose a setting that she likes together. The money you save on not buying a Tiffany setting/ring could go towards the stone cut/quality and another setting. Pricescope.com has lots of jewelry designers and vendors that sell ideal cut stones on the internet. For example, I got mine from GoodOldGold.
Does your area have a jewelry district? My friends went to the L.A. diamond district and shopped in person even better than the internet. They were able to pick a stone and a setting and just come back later in the day for it.
I would have preferred a remodeled kitchen and my modest wedding set. With regard to regretting it down the road…My husband bought me a pretty anniversary ring. It’s higher quality than my $600 wedding set and we could afford it. I’m just not all that interested in jewelry, I guess. I mean, I wear it, but it doesn’t have to be super-expensive to make me happy.
A kitchen that is comfortable and useful…now THAT’S a gift that keeps on giving.
Priceless? I disagree. Diamonds are not rare. They never have been. From the mine to your jeweler’s showroom, incredible profit margins are made every step of the way. The price you pay retail is the highest price anyone will ever volunteer to pay for it. If the woman wears it the rest of her life (or as long as the marriage lasts,) the ring will be pretty beat up from day-to-day wear. If your grandson goes on Antiques Roadshow with the ring, the expert will be sorry to disappoint him, but it’s just an ordinary diamond in a well-worn ring. It was a very nice setting once, but it has mostly sentimental value now.
If you want something that will be much more valuable for future generations, don’t go to your jeweler. Go to an investment counselor, the kind who’s not selling what he tells you to buy.
I’d have to agree with this. If you have seen Tiffany’s rings that leave you gobsmacked, and presumably that’s how you feel about your intended, it sounds like the perfect gift for her.
If you’ve discussed it, is she expecting you to pick the ring or has she said she wants to be a part of the selection process?
I think he meant that it was not about monitary value.
It will be an heirloom no matter how much you pay for it. One of our family heirlooms is a rocking chair that my great-great grandfather bought when he first came over from Ireland. Or a painting my father did of my grandfather’s house. That’s not worth squat, really-except to my family.
I’m currently looking for a stone for my engagement ring - it’s more important for me to find a great stone (sapphire) I love, and then we’ll get a manufacturing jeweler to set it, then to get a famous name.
I have a friend who also did this - her ring is a copy of the Tiffany Legacy (but with a sapphire), and her fiance is so proud of all the compliments she gets (and him for ‘arranging’ it all - funny since all he did was ask the question and pick up the ring!
So if you want a better quality stone for your money (and a more impressive ring with a great story - Grandpa designed this ring himself!), I’d skip Tiffany’s and get a stone. I’d second Pricescope and its forums as a resource for learning more about diamonds and stone cutters/manufacturing jewelers.
If a $20 ring was good enough for Gracie Allen, I think a non-Tiffany’s ring will be good enough for your wife-and for future generations to come.