So I’m about to pop the big question, but before that, I have to answer this one… To Tiffany’s or not to Tiffany’s?
I can get a Tiffany’s Engagement ring for about $9000, or I can get a similar stone for half the price on the internet, set in platinum in a design of my choosing. Or a Lazare diamond for about 2/3 the price, less if I bargain hard. I know that I’m getting objectively ripped off by the little blue box. But not everything in life is measurable objectively.
The TabbyMouse doesn’t mind a non-Tiffany’s ring - in fact, she’d rather save the money towards renovating the kitchen. But is this something she’ll regret decades down the road, when she’s giving the ring to our grandmouselet and has to say “Take this dear, this is Granny’s Engagement ring, gandpa got it off some internet website and it was 50% off Tiffany’s!”
That, of course, isn’t the only consideration - the design of the setting for almost all other rings I’ve seen are… quite frankly, ugly. As in, bLEARGH ugly. And I’m not sure that giving me the choice of setting, or allowing me to custom design a setting, is going to be all that useful of they’re all going to be GAH MY EYES ugly.
I suppose some of my noveau riche biases are showing - my family has no real heirlooms to speak of, and comparative wealth has only come into my family through my parents. None of my forebears would have this issue, because none of them were able to afford a diamond in the first place. So part of me wants to say “I’ve arrived” and to give my children something that will be special, decades, maybe even centuries down the road.
I don’t even know that a Tiffany’s ring will be it - I think it’s gobsmackingly beautiful, but that might be my bias talking - or if any old 0.7 Carat with the right stats in a non-designer but nice enough setting will do.
Any thoughts?
I don’t think your grandmouselet will care whether it’s Tiffany’s or not - the meaning will be that it’s being passed down to her, not where it’s from. Why do you think either your wife or your granddaughter will be unhappy with a non-Tiffany’s ring?
There’s nothing wrong with getting a Tiffany’s ring as long as you don’t have to strain your finances to do so. If you can afford it, why not? Personally I am not a fan of diamonds, but I do love a lot of Tiffany’s designs. Better Tiffany’s than Kay or Jarrods, anyway. (IMHO, YMMV, etc.)
The traditional Tiffany engagement ring is a pretty commonly copied design, so if you like the look of the setting it shouldn’t be difficult to find something similar. I agree that should it become an heirloom piece it’ll be the sentiment that’s important not the brand.
Also congratulations on your soon-to-be engagement!
It’s not that she’ll be unhappy now - my guess is, she’ll be happy whatever I get her now. But 20 years later, will she start thinking, “well, this kitchen is nice and all, but if I’d have waited another 2 months for it, I could have the Tiffany’s”.
And there’s just that inherent… cheapness, getting something that’s not as pretty (the internet’s stones are as good, if not better, but the setting really does leave something to be desired) just because it’s cheaper.
If you buy the ring from Tiffany, you can see your stone, examine your setting, and you’ll be more or less guaranteed that you’re getting a quality piece of jewelry. Buy it off the Internet, and you get whatever somebody puts in the box.
And is the little blue box worth it? Thet depends on your fiance. You know her best (hopefully)…will she love it, or will she not know the significance.?
I have my grandmother’s engagement ring. I have no idea where it came from, how much it cost, or how much it’s worth. I do know it looks lovely and I’m proud and happy to wear it. Of course, my sister-in-law got a kick out of kidding my husband about how cheap he was by not buying me a new ring.
If it were me, I’d say put the $9,000 toward renovating the kitchen. My engagement ring and wedding rings aren’t special because of wear they came from or how much they cost; they’re special because my husband gave them to me.
If she’s not currently saying she want a Tiffany ring, she’s unlikely to change her story 20 years from now.
Personally, all those rings are pretty fungible to me. If your fiancee-to-be is the same, then get her the good non-Tiffany ring. And if you still regret that decision 20 years from now, buy her a Tiffany anniversary band.
If that’s what’s on her mind in 20 years… well, I think the ring would be the least of your problems. If she’s really disappointed by the engagement ring, can’t you just go nuts with the wedding ring? Or try just renting Blood Diamond or getting her to read Diamond: History of a Cold-Blooded Love Affair – then she might not want anything!
It seems like it’s going to bother you more than it’s going to bother her. As Campion pointed out, if she doesn’t mind now, it seems unlikely it’s going to bother her later.
I think it’s not worth second-guessing your fiancee. If she says that she’ll be just as happy with a non-Tiffany ring and would prefer a renovated kitchen, then believe her.
It’s not necessarily a choice between a gorgeous expensive ring and a second-rate cheap ring. I know a couple who bought their diamonds from a wholesaler and went to an independent jeweler to have them set. The ring and diamonds are better quality than they could have afforded from Tiffany & Co and it also has greater sentimental value because they had a hand in its creation and design.
If you don’t know by now when the TabbyMouse is being serious and when she’s being coy, don’t get married.
I’m firmly on the “9K for a ring? EEEEEEEEEEEK!” camp, so any guy whose offer of marriage came with a 9K rock would be saying he didn’t know me at all. Not the best grounds for a 60y relationship.
You really need to consider vintage and antique rings. You’ll get a whole lot more diamond for your money, plus something unique, stylish and incredibly beautiful. Did I mention value for money?
My thoughts, your noveau riche biases are showing . The Tiffany brand has been diluted into being high end Kay’s. Tiffany’s was something when you had to go into New York to get one. Now I can swing by Tiffany’s on my lunch hour in Bloomington, Minnesota (I did yesterday, in fact - and Coach, too - another diluted brand)
It would be different if you or she loved the ring and the brand, but don’t buy a Tiffany ring to impress anyone. If you want to impress someone, follow bathsheba’s advice and find a nice estate ring.
My husband and I recently had a fight when I asked him for a fake trinket and he bought something real. Get that poor woman a righteous kitchen. Don’t ignore her wishes.
Congrats on your big plans.
If I ever have the good fortune to get a proposal, I’d vastly prefer it if my guy chose a nicer ring from a cheaper store than paid extra just for the Tiffany name. Really. Contrary to what Tiffany’s marketing department would like you to think , NOT all women have some insane lust for Tiffany’s jewelry that will cause them to curse themselves for not getting a Tiffany ring decades later. Many of them, like me, don’t care and aren’t impressed by Tiffany in the first place.
I would recommend NOT looking at a diamond as a heirloom or investment. Decades from now diamond rings might quite possibly have gone out of fashion. The practice of using a diamond ring for engagement is actually surprisingly new and there is already some backlash against it. I know a lot of young people who prefer more colorful stones over diamonds. Sapphires are becoming a popular alternative to diamonds.
Plus synthetic diamonds are coming on the market now, so the perceived value of diamonds will probably fall over the coming decades anyway.
So all that matters is what you and your fiancee will enjoy!
When she’s handing on the engagement ring to your granddaughter, why would she mention where it came from? My fiancée’s grandmother gave her her old engagement ring, and what matters is that it’s granny’s ring - she hasn’t a clue where it was originally bought, and why should she?
We went engagement-ring shopping together, after I had proposed (the actual proposal was totally unplanned). She looked at lots of rings, and the one she fell in love with turned out to be one of the cheapest, only about £1,000 whereas some were £3,000 to £4,000. The main stone is a tanzanite, which we both think beats the colour of sapphire hands down.
What matters is that she got a ring she loved and that looked good on her hand. Why pay more just for the sake of getting an expensive ring?
I agree with this, but also want to point out that your desire to give her something fantastic is also valid, and similarly is likely not to have gone away in 20 years. So my vote is kitchen now, and surprise her with somehting from Tiffany years from now.
As for heirlooms - I have a few pieces of family jewelry, but the most prized thing is a mahogany library table that was first in my grandfather’s office (after he purchased it from his uncle’s second hand furniture store) and then my parent’s home. It’s gorgeous and holds quite a bit of meaning for me. Anything can be an heirloom.
I’m with you on this one. You guys should look into what happens in the world of diamonds and maybe discuss a birthstone engagement ring instead. My wife wears a beautiful opal ring that gets a lot of compliments.
I’m not sure I entirely agree–I mean, yes, if the ring is purchased no where special just cause it’s less expensive one doesn’t need to mention that, but if the ring is purchased somewhere special that might still be mentioned.
But, for the most part, I do agree that a Tiffany’s ring may be nice, but the brand isn’t that special, and should it be important in 20 years to have a Tiffany ring, a Tiffany anniversary ring is a reasonable compromise.
