So, I’m quite rather extremely quite far away from getting married, but several of my friends either have or are engaged to tie the knot, and I got to thinking about engagement rings.
Specifically, the diamond. It’s my understanding that a lot of diamonds metaphorically have blood on them. That people kill and die frequently in their circulation. This bothers me, if it’s true (I understand that there are efforts to keep conflict diamonds out of the commercial trade, but they can’t be perfect). I admit that my knowledge in the subject is a bit limited. Part one of this post is a request for clarity regarding the diamond trade. Not as big as part two, but the reason I have my current stance on engagement rings is largely due to my belief of the dirtiness of the diamond trade.
So, having established that, I’ve been thinking about the possibility of going easy on the engagement ring idea. Getting perhaps a different precious stone, or even (gasp!) a synthetic diamond, and going all-out on the wedding ring. It’s not a money issue, it’s a challenge of the importance of the diamond. Why not get matching, beautifully hand-crafted wedding bands, lovingly etched with something personally symbolic to the couple? Could this not have the potential to be more special than just a pretty rock?
I’d like some opinions on this. Ladies, how would you feel about the concept of a diamond-less engagement ring? What are the guys’ opinions on rings?
By all means just do wedding bands if you prefer. The diamond is just a symbol, after all. …everlasting and eternal and strong and all that. But it is also a practical stone for a ring that gets worn all the time…strong, hard, not easily broken.
I’m not a big jewelry person, so I was really amazed when reading a book on gemstones to discover how easily damaged some other stones are. They can be chipped, cracked, discolored, shattered…you don’t have those problems with the sturdy old diamond. They are just vastly overpriced in some locations. But they also have the advantage of being such a basic stone that they don’t clash with whatever else you are wearing, and the setting, when chosen with care and an eye for practicality over fashion, can be in style forever.
Yes, absolutely. 100%. I have zero interest in diamonds whatsoever, for social/cultural reasons and also because I work with my hands and a rock would be irritating and would get lost in short order, I’m sure. I ended up designing my own ring which is flat in profile, unobtrusive, and gorgeous. We spent a fraction of what we would have with any kind of diamond involved, got a one-of-a-kind, artisan handcrafted ring, and didn’t give De Beers one red cent.
I’ll let someone who is more experienced comment on what the status of the whole blood diamond issue is currently, but I’ve been against the idea of a diamond ring since I saw a 60 Minutes segment years ago about all the violence that is done in the name of controlling diamond mines, and how DeBeers artificially keeps the supply of diamonds low to drive up the price.
So, needless to say, I definitely approve of your plan to avoid getting a diamond ring…although if you are a dude (as you sound like you are from the signature in your profile ) something tells me that what YOU want in a ring may not be the biggest factor when the time comes. A lot of women out there think that a big honkin’ diamond is supposed to be a sign that a guy Really Really Cares and want to be able to show it off to other women. I’d like it if more guys would stand up to that sort of social pressure, but I don’t see that many guys being committed enough to the cause to break up with a chick over the issue.
Personally, I’m a chick, and I plan to try to make sure that any dude I’m seriously dating knows how I feel about the issue before things reach that point, because I really think diamonds are just a big waste. I tend to vastly prefer colored stones, but if the dude really wanted us to have traditional-looking rings, I would - seriously ! - rather have a ring with cubic zirconium than a real diamond.
Advertising. Advertising is what makes a diamond so important. If DeBeers and their affiliates in the US (DeBeers can’t sell directly in the US…they’re a monopoly) hadn’t undertaken a massive advertising campaign to make diamonds the absolutely necessary mineral accoutrement of <i>lurve</i>, they wouldn’t even come close to being as expensive as they are.
My opinion is that I don’t want a diamond, for various reasons already stated. My boyfriend and I were both miffed at each other when he got me a ring (just a friendly present ring!) that had a sapphire and I said “oh, nice, no diamonds!” and he said “no it’s got some diamond encrusting on it!” Both of us were a bit pissed because he was proud of having diamonds and I was not wanting diamonds (and I’d told him).
However, it’s a matter of personal taste. I don’t begrudge women who want diamonds, real or fake. Whatever makes them happy, I guess.
As a guy though, if your woman wants a diamond I would not push the issue of not getting a diamond. It’s cool to bring it up once but if she poo-poos the idea I’d step off.
My wife and I did not buy a diamond for the very reasons you state: I don’t see child soldiers and forced labor as a symbol of our eternal love. There are efforts to market diamonds that are not conflict diamonds. There is a Canadian outfit that sells such diamonds. There is also an industry no-conflict ‘branding’ effort that I have heard is mostly window dressing.
DeBeers has been amazing in establishing diamonds as the default engagement ring stone, when that was not the case in the past. The other fun fact about diamonds is that they are not nearly as rare as the diamond industry would like people to believe.
My wife is not a big jewelry freak. She doesn’t even care about gold, which is very unusual among Thais. But we wear just simple wedding bands. And the good part is I didn’t even have to buy them; traditionally, the bride’s mother buys them. (Not sure if that’s a Thai or Chinese practice.) The wife’s mother was an expert on gold (typical Chinese) and knew the best place in Chinatown to get them.
Diamonds are well-recognized as expensive. If you can show your friends a really expensive item that your SO bought for you, you get to feel all snug in thinking you’ve got your SO wrapped around your finger because obviously they’d never spend so much money on you if they weren’t completely besotted with you, and you get to show off what a great person you must be for someone to care so deeply.
I wouldn’t want a diamond if I were to get engaged, and to be honest I’d be perfectly happy skipping the rings altogether (because I’d rather do something more interesting with the money, and besides, rings freak me out – I’m always afraid they will get stuck on my finger forever and cut off the circulation). However, I’m pretty weird as girls go, so YMMV.
It’s not just a Canadian outfit. There are Three diamond mines in Northern Canada and they are producing like gangbusters. Clean diamonds! No blood! No conflict! And they have a cute little polar bear (or other symbol) laser engraved on the girdle.
And you’re providing jobs to lots of people I know, so that’s cool too.
I’ve never been much of a diamond person either. I don’t think they’re especially pretty, and the price is through the roof especially when you mention “engagement” and “diamond” in the same sentence.
Mr. Athena was very willing to go all out and spend all kinds of cash on a diamond ring for me if I wanted it. He likes buying jewelry, and is sentimental enough that if I’d had my heart set on some big honkin’ expensive ring he’d have gotten it. But when I started thinking about it, I realized that 1) I liked gold and 2) I liked blue things. So I told him “I want high carat gold and a sapphire.”
We shopped around and found a jewelry designer (artist?) we really liked, and he worked with him to design a ring for me. I don’t know what it cost, but I do know that it was a fraction of the price of a diamond. And every time I look at it, I think it’s the prettiest ring I’ve ever seen.
I’m not a fan of diamonds; I own some but they were my mothers and I hardly ever wear them. I can’t even remember the last time I wore them!
I have never understood why so many women insist on a big honkin’ diamond, especially when they are first starting out in marriage and there are so many other practical things the money could be used for.
I was engaged to another guy before I married Mr. SCL (many years before) and my engagement ring was a beautiful emerald. My engagement to Mr. SCL lasted all of three days so we didn’t get an engagement ring, just wedding bands. And the marriage has lasted over 18 years and is still going strong!
oft wears hats, when the time comes that you are thinking about engagement rings, you could do what a friend of mine did. He wanted the proposal to be a total surprise and wanted a ring in a little box to put on her finger, but he didn’t want to spend a lot of money on a ring he wasn’t sure she would like. So he found a huge tacky fake sapphire and used it to propose - and then they went out and bought a ring.
And my personal opinion is that a man should be wary of a woman who demands a more expensive ring than her husband to be can reasonably afford. If her priorities are that misplaced she may not be a good choice for a wife.
My husband and I are very plain, utilitarian people and when we talked about getting married, his brilliant idea was that we --or at least he, I could have gotten whatever I wanted–should get stainless steel bands. I loved the idea–it perfectly matches our relationship–strong, workman-like, no-frills, and unconventional. Not saying it’s for everyone, but every time I look at my wedding band–which most people assume is white gold or platnium–it gives me a little thrill.
I know plenty of folks who bucked tradition and went with sapphires, emeralds, or no stone at all.
I went with tradition (only with regard to the rings). They’re very modest but hold sentimental value for me. I also received a three-diamond anniversary ring (which is a much better quality than my wedding set) for our 10-year. It, too, is very modest. It’s completely up to you and the groom.
Here’s my no-diamonds engagement ring which I am pleased to the teeth about! We’ve gotten tungsten rings for bands. The stones are an aquamarine between two rhodolite garnets, as those are our birth stones.
I’m sure I swiped the design of the top knot from somewhere, I didn’t invent it. It’s a triskle/eternity knot tied into a heart. The band is a four-strand braid. I work in clay, do a lot of heavy-duty sewing (leatherworking), and work with rough animals. I needed a sturdy ring without the risk of a stone coming lose from a prong setting. We considered designing it to allow a triangular cut ruby set into the center, but there wouldn’t have been a lot of light behind and around it the way an open setting allows, so it wouldn’t have really “sparkled” anyway.
I’ve never liked diamonds, and we were penniless students anyway, so we didn’t get a diamond ring. At first we thought it would be fun to go down to the street jewelry booths to get a cheap silver ring, but there was nothing pretty, so we got a band of braided white gold from a real jeweler. I still wear it when I dress up.
Our wedding bands are plain gold; his is plain, mine is etched with vines. I love mine.
Twelve years later, I still don’t own any jewels at all, except for an heirloom opal ring. I guess if I had money to burn I might like a handcrafted sparkly in blue or something, but I still don’t like diamonds and the whole jewel trade makes me ill. I’ll take a trip to somewhere exciting over a sparkly jewel any day.
If I were going to get a diamond, I’d want an artificial one. I think those are cooler.
) something tells me that what YOU want in a ring may not be the biggest factor when the time comes. 
