Why do the biggest jagoff time wasting morons have to go to the express lane?
I am sick of my SIL and her controlling, demanding, bossy, pushy self, and her sainted mother too. I don’t want to see her for the holidays or any other time. I would like to see brother and my older niece but not with her around because she won’t even let them answer a question put directly to them without jumping in to do it for them.
“Okay, Jaden, would you like to learn how to scan today? Here, let me boost you up - okay, now take the first item out of the full cart - no, not that one, take the box of Fattie-O’s - okay, now pass it over the scanner - no, you can’t have a chocolate bar. No, no chocolate today. Okay, just one bar. Now, take the box and scan it - Brittknee! Quit biting your brother! …”
Any of that seem familiar? 
ETA: I see you said express lane - I read it as “self-checkout” for some reason. Well, my post stands.
At least at the checkout you can see what’s going on. It’s not of much comfort but it’s better than standing behind someone at the ATM who, based on the amount of time they spend punching numbers on the keyboard you’d think they were using it to conduct a leveraged buyout.
I keep getting (at my local grocery store) behind the assholes who get into the Express Lane (15 items or less), then;
- Want to argue particulars about a coupon; like today where the coupon said a free bag of a particular kind of potato with a $25 purchase, and they had the bag of premium somethingoranother potatoes which were definitely NOT free with the purchase. Or last week where it was the woman arguing that a coupon covering one brand of canned vegetables should apply to the brand she happened to pick up.
- Are irate because the total comes to more than they expected and want to interogate the cashier as to the exact price they paid for everything. Shut the fuck up, check your receipt later.
- Stand there like a statue until they’re told what the total is, then start looking for their money. Only after struggling to find their money and pay the amount do they consider the idea of bagging their groceries and getting the fuck out of everyone elses way.
- hahahahaletmegabwithmykidsorhusbandforawhileandcompletelyignorethecashier.
- Sending spouses or kids back for other items AFTER the cashier has given them their total, when they already had to wait for the two people before them to be rung up and should damned well have thought of that shit THEN.
Today I got 1, 4 and 5 with the same couple right in front of me. Trifecta!
If the Coke doesn’t work at the fucking soda fountain, for fuck’s sake let the restaurant workers know THEN pick another damn poison, so the rest of us waitng on your stupid bleachblonde UGG wearing ass can get our drinks before the next birthday!!
What’s with these completely random white oval bumperstickers that I’ve been seeing ? These stickers say DE, I, or 26.2 and I’m not getting what’s being said with an egg shaped sticker with a Z or 42, or even 836QFU.
DE and I stand for Deutschland (Germany) and Italia (Italy). Originally they were used mostly by truck drivers, as having their country of origin identified on the bumper told the customs officer which kind of paperwork to expect/ask for. Later they became touristy/chauvinism items. The other ones, no idea, but if a white oval sticker with an E bugs you, just stay out of Spain 
I don’t know that the stickers bug me but when i see them wandering round Indiana and Illinois, i had wonder, because i doubted that it was DE for Delaware.
Waiting in line for some ditz to figure out how to use the soda fountain when i am hungry and want to get some Diet Coke with dinner was seriously agrravating.
26.2 means that the driver runs marathons, as that’s the distance of a marathon. 42 is probably a fan of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
The one on my car says “A51” because I got it in Rachel, Nevada. 
Speaking as someone who’s worked as a cashier at a grocery store: For the love of god, if you run into these morons, please don’t hesitate to politely but firmly ask them to get their shit together. The cashier doesn’t have the authority to do it 90% of the time, but they will bless you forever in their mind.
I just learned that one on Saturday when I was in the car with my mom and asked, “26.2, WTF?” And 13.1 is half-marathons.
My Mom apologizes for 1, 2 and 3 (if you shop at Cub).
Rant of the day:
Dear Medical Professional,
If a client states she has a particular disease, and that she knows her daughter has a 50/50 chance of having the same disease, do not lecture the client about said disease when you don’t know what you’re talking about. There are two different types of polycystic kidney disease. If she had the recessive form, we would have known the day she was born. Do not tell me I am a “not so good” mother for denying my daughter a test that would have been useless when she was younger.
Granted, PKD is not a very well known disease. I get that. But just because you saw a ‘poor, poor bebe’ born with the recessive version, that does not follow to the dominant version.
And please, do not call a patient a whiner to her face. TheKid did not appreciate that, and made her feel even more miserable than she was when we entered Urgent Care.
KTHX,
Me
The weekend was great but waaay too short. I’m seriously considering taking a nap by shoving my face into the keyboard.
Amateur. *Real *naps take place under one’s desk, with one’s head pillowed on one’s coat and/or purse.
I’m about to head out to get my legs waxed over my lunch break. I may very well fall asleep before she’s done with me. In fact, I’m planning on it - been looking forward to lying down ever since, well, I got up this morning.
As Almost Live called them: Urban Wildlife - the ATM dodo!
It’s time for an annual Thanksgiving rant! TLDR version: “I appreciate the invitation to your Thanksgiving celebration, but I have to decline” is not an invitation for you to suddenly decide I’m a fucking lab specimen and play 20 questions trying to convince me that I “must” do something for Thanksgiving otherwise I clearly will spend the evening curled up in a corner sobbing into a bottle of cheap liquor (which in fact would count as “doing something for Thanksgiving,” so let’s just skip the whole goddamn thing, 'kay?)
Nah, I don’t have any plans for Thanksgiving. Just going to enjoy a nice, quiet, restful day on my own. Get some writing done. Play with the cats. Maybe watch some movies at home.
Thanks, I appreciate the invite, but I really don’t do the whole Thanksgiving dinner thing, so I’m going to decline.
No, seriously, I’ll be fine. Stop fucking asking. A nice, peaceful evening on my own. I enjoy that type of thing. I’m actually flying out of town on Friday to go visit my sister in Vegas, so it’s going to be kind of a whirlwind weekend and a moment of quiet in advance seems kind of nice, you know?
Well, it’s worked out pretty well for a couple years now. Four years ago I went out to IHOP with some friends who were also hanging around on campus for Thanksgiving, but that was the last time I did anything.
Because I don’t fucking like big parties, because I loathe the smell of turkey, because I can count on one hand the number of typical Thanksgiving foods that I will even eat, because I hate eating things people I don’t know extremely well have cooked, because I hate eating in front of other people, because I don’t fucking want to, because it’s a stupid fucking holiday, because it pisses off nosy people like you, because I don’t fucking want to now leave me the fuck alone!
ETA: This happens every fucking year. Most of my friends have learned. My family still has not.
Being by yourself on Thanksgiving is ok, but xmas is more fun. I like to go out and see how many places I can find that are open. I don’t keep score but it’s fun to drive around and see everything deserted. You can almost imagine the scene is post-apocalyptic. If you really loathe mankind, it’s a nice fantasy. But I don’t loathe people any more so it’s not as much fun.
Agreed. The coat hides the drool.