The Royal Penis is clean, your heiness!
Standing up of course, the WAY GOD INTENDED. (Leviticus 13 or 14, somewhere there)
Also because I always have to inspect the paper afterwards. I’m not sure what I’m looking for but it’s either blood or a small pearl.
This thread is disgusting but compelling. Thanks, sublight.
Standers:
Sublight, Havok, Badtz Maru, spooje, Flymaster, ianzin, mblackwell and Redboss.
Eight total.
Sitters:
The Mighty Tiki God, oldscratch, mfield31, Carina42, Tommy the Cat, Tiburon, Stella*Fantasia, sliv, Five, mouthbreather, tourbot, plnnr, gypsybiker, Nacho4Sara, JuanitaTech, Gundy, Wildest Bill and Edwardina.
Eighteen total.
No expressed preference:
Meephead and lawoot.
Two total.
I’ll send an email to OpalCat and ask her to add this information to our profiles on the Fathom pages.
All of my girlfiends agree that to wipe from the back to the front is the best, but, at 2:30 in the mornin when we are goin wherever we can, any old dry clen wipin will do
I hope I dont offend anyone but while we’re on the topic…
Standing. And I think that when people say they wipe standing, they’re not actually standing straight up, but are, in fact, just lifting their butt cheeks high enough so they can reach around and wipe. I lift up only a few inches, and reach back and wipe with my carefully folded TP. I have an average build with a small butt, so it’s easy for me to reach back there. I have actually tried between the legs while sitting, but the angle is all messed up for me. 
Like Nacho4Sara I wiped standing up for probably the first 18 or so years of my life. I had no idea it could even be done any other way. Then, a few years ago I was watching an episode of MadTV. I can’t remember what the paticular skit was about, but it involved a woman on the toilet, obviously defacating. She wiped sitting down, from behind. An instant revalation. Wow, I thought, that’s some fancy Hollywood-style wipin’. Now I feel so cosmopoliton when I wipe sitting down, it’s tres, tres chic. I’d like to take this opportunity to publically thank MadTV for introducing me to the wonders of wiping sitting down.
But… wiping from the front? Dear god in heaven, why??? That’s just wrong, and sick, and evil. You may as well just scrape your ass on the doorknob, you might make less of a mess. ::shudders uncontrollably at the very thought of wiping from the front:: Perverts.
Nope. I’m standing ALL the way up. I may do a little bend at the knees thing, but for the most part, I’m fully erect. (My body. Get your mind out of the gutter.)
I tried a sitting wipe today. Wierd. Very wierd. Actually, it was more than wierd. It was wrong. I’ll stick with standing, thank you very much.
After inadvertantly irritating some people in GD religion thread, that line made me spit soda on screen.
And for those of us who can only reach from the front do you suggest we not wipe at all rather than from the front? However you can get clean is ok. Don’t get feces on your genitals and remove them entirely from your behind, and you’re sitting [sic] pretty in my book.
What was a reveltion for me in the way of wiping was tucks. I don’t see how i ever lived without those wonders.
I hate to be a spoil sport but it really sort of alarms me that many women wipe by reaching down between their legs and pulling forward. Now, I know that this doesn’t mean you apply pressure from back to front. And I know that the job can get done without making a mess and getting stuff all over. I wiped this way for years and never got an infection - but I don’t any more for a good reason.
It really is a very, very common cause of urinary tract infections in women. No matter how careful you are, bacteria is spreading. Same reason they tell you not to pop zits - no matter how careful you are, you’re spreading stuff. Sorry, that was a gross analogy.
Now back to the standing thing - I sort of assumed that meant pretty much standing up as well - not just an ass hover over the seat thing. Mainly because the OP made it sound like the girlfriend could pretty much tell he was standing through the frosted glass - and if it was just an ass-hover, I don’t know if it would have been that obvious.
Tibs
Listen to Tiburon, chicas!! 90% of UTIs are caused by E. coli, which is more-or-less supposed to live in & around your bunghole, but is a TERRIBLE thing to have in your urinary tract!!
In other news, I asked my BF whether he was a sitter or a stander, & he said he often stands, because otherwise he gets toilet water on his hand. Very strange…
Hmmm…this “wet hand” seems to be pretty common. Perhaps I should run a weekend seminar on the proper way to do it. $89.95 for the weekend, you can sleep on that couch behind the QT right up the street, you can all watch me wipe my ass for 2 days, then I’ll kick you the hell out.
The line starts here. Who’s in?
Enough with the public service announcments already! I know! I reach THROUGH my legs but wipe from FRONT to BACK. This means genital area first, THEN the poo poo area. When I said “you don’t have to drag the t.p. up to your navel” I meant that it is possible to wipe JUST the bootie without using the reach-around method. Who the hell wants shit all over her, y’know, stuff?
::sigh::
Except for this person.
Unless I’m misunderstanding.
I’m male, and I’ve always wiped crouching. I’m not in contact with the seat, but the ahem unclean regions are entirely above the aperature. The mind boggles at the thought of it being done any other way: When I’m sitting, my butt is on the seat. How am I supposed to get my hand underneath? And when I’m completely standing, my cheeks close, thereby closing off access to the region of interest. In case there’s any out there who actually think it could be otherwise, I reach around behind: No dangly bits in the way, that way.
For the really curious, I crumple the paper, unless there’s only a little left on the roll: Crumpling is quicker, but folding uses less paper. In all my years of crumpling, I’ve never accidentally left a gap, either.
For the even more curious, if toilet paper’s available, then I do, indeed, dab after peeing. If not (as at urinals), then I just sort of shake and hope for the best. At worst, I “accidentally” splash myself at the sink when washing my hands, so I have a less embarassing explanation, if need be.
And remember: Always look out for Number One, and don’t step in Number Two, either.
How many of us “Scrunch” and how many of us “Fold”?
Do we have “Folding Sitters”(FS), “Scrunching Standers”(SS), or maybe “Undecided Crouchers”(UC).
Then there are the “Varied Hoverers”(VH), the “Mixed Alternaters”(MA), or the “Every Which Way-ers”(EWW).
Not forgetting the “Run Around Toilet Flinging All the Crap Everywhere-ers”(RATFACE)
Personally, I dont see how you can wipe sitting down, UNLESS, you then stand up before you throw the paper in.
If its covered in paper, how are you gonna grade your baby?
Maybe it’s because I’m on the small size for an adult (hence the clever sn suggest by friends) but…my butt doesn’t get in the way of dropping the TP in.
For the record, I sit, reach behind, and crumple.
<minor hijack>
This a question for people who do laundry for others. Have you ever seen streaks in a female’s undies? I never have, just in guys. Why would there be any anyway?? I thought most people could wipe properly </minor hijack>
another stander. I don’t stand all the way up, tho. sometimes, at home, I pick up my right foot and lean left for better cheek spreadage.
Now this is properly fighting ignorance. Small pieces of knowledge add up!
Male, sitting, through the legs, crumpled. I had no idea of standers before.
I also wanted to say, in response to:
I don’t spread poo over mine, and keep them attached as well.
Ok, i’m male i stay seated, wipe around the back and fold the paper very neatly.
I just let the toilet do it all for me.
It welcomes me as I enter, waits for me to do my business, and then washes and dries me when I’m done. I preprogrammed it to know where I like it to spray and with what water pressure and temperature. Of course, if I am in the mood for someting different (pulsating water streams anyone? :D),
I can easily change the settings with my toilet remote controller.
I feel I deserve this since I spent my childhood in remote areas of the earth were indoor plumbing was purely optional.
Now I live in toilet heaven(Japan).
http://www.theimageworks.com/toilet/toiltftur.htm
And yes, it is all enjoyed while sitting.