I agree. It’s all about context. Take the OP’s example- “I know you don’t celebrate it, but Happy Birthday”
Saying this to a casual acquaintance knowing they had a horrible tragedy happen on their birthday? Terribly rude, maybe even sociopathic.
Saying it to a good friend who’s just not crazy about birthdays because they’re getting older, but can take a bit of friendly needling? Just fine.
It doesn’t matter. This is where intent matters, if you don’t like the holiday take the comment graciously anyway.
Last week I was at a Halloween party at a bar. Maybe 90% of us were costumed. I walked up to someone who wasn’t in costume and said, “Happy Halloween!”
He told me he doesn’t celebrate Halloween. So I said, “Well fuck you then”.
Maybe rude, but it was in the spirit of the occasion.
Happy circumcisionday everyone.
I’m a pagan who is often wished a Happy Shabbos at work. I just say “Thank You.”
It depends - all the examples in the OP have varying levels of rudeness.
Telling a friend who’s not a birthday person happy birthday is completely fine. Telling your British friend happy 4th is . . . a little strange, but if you adopt the right tone (still sore about losing?!), completely fine. The Merry Christmas one is the weirdest, because the way it’s phrased it sounds like a passive aggressive, “You know Jesus died for your sins, don’t you?” sort of thing. But maybe that’s just me.
I’m an atheist too, but I’ve celebrated Christmas and Easter all my life. You don’t have to be religious to get into presents and chocolate.
Yeah, when it’s explicitly prefaced by “I know you don’t celebrate it, but…” then it’s somewhere between impolite and offensive. I would consider it rude.
I know a person who thinks their version of life is the only thing that matters, and this is the sort of thing they would say. It’s explicitly a way to erase what other people want and replace it with the speaker’s wants. I can tell this person, “I will never want anything from the store. Please do not ask me if I want anything from the store when you go out.” and it doesn’t matter - they will ask every time, and preface it with, “I know what you’re going to say, but…” They think it’s the height of politeness to do exactly the opposite of what I asked them to do - simply because in their world, polite people always ask if you want anything from the store when they go out.
That’s the Classy thing to do and I applaud you for it.
Too many people see any sort of Holiday Greeting, no matter how innocuous, as a game of Dodge Ball with Metal-Spiked Turds.
Took me years to realize that its because they’re low-class A-holes… and that I had zero obligation to apologize for just trying to be nice to someone obviously unworthy of it.
I find the thought of wishing British people a Happy Fourth of July absolutely delightful and will adopt a similar habit.
Happy Sixth of November, everybody!
Wishing a Brit a happy 4th of July, I don’t think it’s a big deal if they’re in the US and will get the day as a holiday anyway. This could go either way.
Wishing a Jew who you know doesn’t celebrate Christmas a Merry Christmas seems passive aggressive at best, just plain rude at worst. Not sure how this can be a positive gesture.
Bingo. If someone wants to wish me a happy Festivis day, that’s great, I hope they have one too.
How can that possibly be offensive? People are way, way too thin skinned.
Well yeah, maybe we need a new word… uncelebrate? Something like that. I don’t celebrate the 4th of July, you guys don’t celebrate the 7th, but you’re all welcome to have a happy 7th of July! In fact, and if you’ll excuse the Hallmark moment, it would be nice if more people had more happy days.
I once had an American coworker wish us a happy 4th, in Spain. We said “thank you, you didn’t take the day off?”
Another time, I wished my American Muslim friend Joe a “happy St Joe’s day and Father’s day” He thought it was cool that his nameday is Father’s Day in some other countries. If I hadn’t expected him to like it, I wouldn’t have said anything.
Yep. Also, if a Moslem/Muslim/Mohammedan wishes me a Happy Eid al Fitr (sp), I’d think he was cool to want to include me in his joy. Just because he’ll burn later doesn’t mean he is a creep on earth; neither does it mean that he was rude.
Thank you.
Once a customer wished me a “Happy Passover.” I told her I was a pagan, and she said “Oh. Well, Happy Solstice.” I said, “Actually, it’s equinox… But thank you.”
Hey, it’s all about family, friends, food and fun.
It isn’t:
“Merry Christmas!”
Which as an atheist, I will gladly accept. it is:
“I know you are a Jew, or an atheist, but Merry Christmas anyway!” That’s a little rude.
Even then, though, there is nothing wrong with saying “I know you don’t celebrate Christmas, but have a happy holiday anyway!” Or “Have a great time off!”
But really, there isn’t any reason to draw attention to the fact that we don’t celebrate over and over again. Just wish us the holiday. I never say “I don’t celebrate it,” I just say “Thanks!”
(What I don’t do is the religious expressions of holiday. Thus, Easter is a spring festival for me and nothing to do with Jesus.)
Most of the time you can tell the intent behind it by the way it is offered and by knowing the person doing the wishing. Someone being nice but a bit awkward in phrasing, fine, no problem, happy whatever back at you. Someone being a bit smug and holier-than-thou about it, that’s rude and annoying, and I am likely to respond in kind, thereby giving them their sought-for excuse to be huffy and claim persecution.
Exactly. Context makes all the difference, and in my experience the people that say things like “I know you don’t celebrate it, but Happy ___” are generally trying to say that *they *are celebrating and hope the day is great for you, too. It’s just an attempt at sharing their joy with others.
I don’t celebrate my birthday or many holidays, so I just try to appreciate the sentiment behind the well-wishes. It’s not all that different than a friend of mine that I only see in person once a month or so, who insists on bringing me food whenever she comes over. I’d rather she didn’t since it’s usually sweets and she knows I’m working on keeping my eating habits on track, but it’s how she was raised to show people she loves them. I do my best to steer her towards more healthy things but there’s no stopping the giving, so it’s easier to just remind myself why she does it.
Its easy to do this by accident, but if you know they don’t celebrate, don’t say it. Like, why would you say happy fourth to a Brit? That’s bizarre. I live in Egypt 90% muslim and 10 % christian. I know which of the neighbors and shopkeepers are Christian, so I don’t say happy ramadan to them. Additionally, I wish them happy christmas and easter, etc on their holidays. They appreciate it when non christians do it and I feel its important for people to respect others beliefs as we want ours respected. Plus christians are a minority so they can feel marginalised and ignored, we should combat this. Of course, in america proportions are different., maybe just happy holidays if you are not certain.Now, if someone wishes you happy holidays and you don’t celebrate, don’t get snippy and reply" I don’t celebrate that, why do you assume…etc" Just say thank you and don’t be a jerk. That’s it.