At present
Are you expecting to have the heat fixed today?
doubtful
Can you expand on the life choices that have led you to this point as a cautionary tale to others?
Um… It was trying to protect you from the cinder block?
What kind of heat do you have?
How are you posting to the web?
OP, Let’s presume for the moment that your water heater is still working. ASAP, you should open every hot water tap in your crapshack, get a stream of water running through, and adjust it to about the thickness of a pencil. This should at least prevent your pipes from freezing.
BTW, do you own or rent?
Shouldn’t he also open his cold water taps to keep the cold water pipes from freezing? I could be mistaken.
Heh. This weekend, I’d bought some new sheets and looked through some old catalogs. I just tossed the bag from the sheets and the catalogs down by the chair - was planning to throw them out later. Hubby got on my case about it. “Are you going to take those out anytime?” I just looked at him, smiled sweetly, and said, “you know where the trash cans are too.”
I’m not saying it’s not her fault for leaving them there, but you could do something about it your own self, you know.
Like sex, silly.
Gladly. Young adults, if you decide to go to college, first make sure that you actually enjoy living with 18 year olds. If you’re unsure, make sure that apartments exist that aren’t also occupied by 18 year olds.
An armada of ceramic heaters.
Library.
I was smart enough to do that with the cold, but not the hot which is no longer hot.
Is the hot water still running? If so then turn it on like kaylasdad99 said.
Are you renting? If so, call the landlord.
Do you have a Nalgene bottle? Fill that with boiled water and wrap it in a towel. You can snuggle with it while you sleep, keep your hands warm as you type and use it to warm up your sheets before bed.
Yes, but then what is he going to use for a toilet? 
What’s he using for a toilet now? As long as his turds are made of fuck, that’s less of a problem, but at some point he’s going to have to start building a log cabin out on the ice.
Did you all know that when bananas freeze they turn brown?
…and if they don’t, what the fuck is wrong with my bananas?
Yes, that is one of the wonders of nature. Perhaps that is what a turd made of fuck looks like.
Your situation sounds hella grim, and I encourage you to sic whatever resources are available to you on your crapshack’s landlord.
Your lovely rant, and the wonderful responses, are one of the many reasons I love this place. I’m crying with laughter (not at your situation, but damn, you’ve got a wonderful way of Pitting).
Not quite as much as I love the inclusion of the cinder block.
Yeah, what is that cinder block doing there? :dubious:
I’ve quoted the relevant portion of the OP that I believe answers this question:
Which is the answer to a lot of lifes queries. At least in my life anyways.