Excuse me Kraft, but you seem to have mislabeled some of your products. See, I was planning on making some macaroni and cheese the other day (actually the more pricey shells 'n cheese. None of that cheapass blue box shit for casa Dinsdale, nosirree!). Instead of just grabbing a knife and slicing the box open, I mistakenly looked to the package for opening directions. There it was, on one of the end panels: To Open, Insert thumb and lift. Sounds easy enough. The box even had what appeared to be indentations suggesting that the area was designed to rip open easily.
Little did I suspect the merry pransksters in your packaging department had identified the most impervious portion of the box, and reinforced it with various spaceage materials to render it immune to digital intrusion. What the hell kind of mutant taloned thumbs do you think your customers have? Insert chainsaw and lift and you might have a chance. Your dastardly scheme is surely causing torn thumbnails and sprained digits across the length and breadth of this fine land. One can only imagine the nefarious reasons behind your desire to disable our nation’s opposable thumbs. Forget the war on terrorism. I was defeated by package goods in my own kitchen.
Allow me to suggest a potential alternative to comply with truth in advertising laws: “Better find something sharp and pointy and jab the fuck outta this sucker cause no way you’re getting in here with mere flesh and bone.” Course you might need a bigger box.
In the meantime, I am seeking class certification for the millions of individuals permanently harmed by your defective product. Should you wish to avoid protracted litigation, please direct large sums of cash to every registered SDMB member. (Oh yeah, and coupons for free food too.)
Those containers are sealed by the same company that spot-welds cereal bags shut, ensuring that the slightest effort in opening them results in a tremendous Froot Loops explosion.
What’s even worse are those things come wrapped it that stiff plastic or whatever that stuff is. They leave you no place (that I can ever find anyway) to pull the two sides apart. And if they did I’m not sure you could pull them apart. The few times I did pull them apart what was inside went flying across the room. I get frustrated and grab whatever sharp object is handy and poke the hell out of it. I have come very close to poking myself on several occasions. I don’t even want to go into the times I used knives. Hell, scissors have a hard time cutting that stuff. I would love to encase the person who conceived the idea of using that stuff inside his own creation and let him try to get out.
Of course, right now the ultimate frustration would be trying to open one of those stiff plastic packages (or under some weird circumstances, Kraft Deluxe Dinners) while on an airplane. Man, the mighty tool user, would be reduced to trying to nibble the package open with his teeth.
its CD’s for me. takes me five fuckin minutes to strip and peel all the annoying sticky plastic of the fuckin thing.
i usually take a key and scrape it across the back of the jewel case to puncture the plastic, thus resulting in an ugly scratch on said jewel case. not that im anal or anything…
On a related note, I bought a package of sliced turkey breast the other day that was in a “handy resealable pouch” via a ziplock apparatus. These rocket scientists of product packaging however sealed the package (quite securely) underneath the ziplock. You therefore had to perform surgery to get the meat out. The package was thoroughly destroyed by the time I was able to get the meat out, thereby rendering said resealable packaging useless. Grrrr
Cereal boxes with those resealing tabs, in which only the top layer of cardboard peels off, leaving the part with the adhesive still stuck to the other side. Once you tear that off, the remaining flap, being thinner than it ought to be, won’t stay in the slot!
I’m the only person in the household who doesn’t seem to have problems opening cereal boxes. When I open the cereal box, the tab is intact as is the slot it goes in, and the bag is pulled halfway-open neatly without tears. My wife is incapable of opening packages without tearing them, and so were my parents when I lived with them. Now when we get cereal I will go ahead and open the box myself even when I don’t want cereal at the time.
I just buy Annie’s mac and cheese instead. Apart from the fact that it’s not Toxic Waste Orange colored, it’s easy to open the box and you get the dubious thrill of sticking your thumb up a rabbit’s ass at the same time (you’ll know what I mean if you’ve seen the box). On the down side, you can usually only get it in health food stores.
